


Amber Run

by VivianKnorr



Series: Amber Run [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 72,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22999096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivianKnorr/pseuds/VivianKnorr
Summary: Tweek has never been all that popular, or really even liked. Senior year of high school started out just like every other year – filled with mind numbing school work and occasional visits to the music room. But after misfortune strikes, the most unlikely classmate enters his life.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Series: Amber Run [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718893
Comments: 129
Kudos: 310





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to senior year at South Park High.

Ever since I could remember, I was never well liked at school. Sure. I had a few friends. Jimmy, Wendy, and Scott, I guess. I would hardly call them friends though. They’re more like, people who tolerate my existence without running away screaming. I wave “hi” in the hall and they look over and give a small smile. Quickly walking away after. Now that I think about it, even referring to them as friends is a stretch. The cafeteria is always alive with life and chatter, girls gossiping, boys bragging, but I manage to stay silent. I eat alone at lunch. I have been trapped at the same table for the past three years. My prison is long and cold, six seats pushed as far away from everyone else as possible. My own isolation tank. Maybe once a month, someone will sit down at the corner of the table with their back turned to me - only to hastily rise when their friend walks by. Perhaps it’s my coffee breath? I don’t really know. My weekends are as monotonous as school, but sometimes I help my parents at their coffee shop. Working at the shop serves as my only source of interaction for the week, it’s exhausting. Most of the time I lock myself in my room with my keyboard. I like it there. My music makes me feel less lonely. My convulsive ticks and embarrassing outburst that defined me in elementary school have evolved into tremors and generalized anxiety. _Thank god for Propranolol_. Despite my growth from spastic child to gangly teen, I’ll always be known as the weird kid. 

Everyone at school has separated themselves into generic, cliché cliques. You’ve got the preps, goths, jocks, normies, theater kids, etc. I obviously don’t fit in with any of them. I tell myself that I don’t need validation from others to feel normal, but I think the desire to belong is just human nature. However, there is one group that doesn’t quite fit the mold as a clique. Clyde, Craig, and Token have been inseparable since middle school. Nothing has changed over the past 5 years. They sit themselves two tables away from me, laughing and goofing around. Well, except Craig. His face is always stoic under his blue poof ball hat. He is easily the most attractive guy in school, tall and thin, midnight black hair peaking under a brightly colored hat, prominent cheekbones with a well-defined chin and nose. His ivory complexion complimented by a pair of ice blue eyes. I’ve watched countless girls approach him over the past three years. Each lean far into him with sweet smiles and flirtatious eyes. They push themselves onto the table, spilling over him. Every time I watch as he turns away expressionless, mouthing inaudible words. My favorite part is seeing them put their hands on their hips and scowl before walking away in a huff. Maybe I should give it a shot. Just to find out what he’s been saying to them. Wouldn’t that be interesting. But I have a feeling he is interested in more attractive, mature women. It seems his type. Or maybe he just likes being alone? I can empathize with that. 

Lost in my internal dialogue, Craig’s blue eyes flick up to meet my gaze. My heart starts pounding in my chest and I dart my eyes down, feeling heat burn the tips of my ears. _Oh Jesus did he see me staring?! I didn’t mean to stare! I was just lost in thought! He must think I’m some weird stalker now_. I slowly draw my head up from my lunch and see his eyes still boring into me. _I need to throw up_. I turn my attention back to the lunch I have no desire to finish. I keep my head down until the bell echoes throughout the cafeteria, signaling the sheep to 5th period. _God his eyes were piercing_. I stand up with my eyes focused on my tray, dumping my uneaten food into the refuse. I have tunnel vision walking to my locker and retrieving my books for Algebra 1. _I know, a senior in Algebra 1. Math just isn’t my strong suit. Nothing is really my strong suit_. Algebra flies by in a blur. Most things are a blur when you don’t understand them. The next bell rings and I cram my books in my bag, planning my great escape. I slouch down and make a break for the door, bobbing in and out from between my classmates.

“Tweek?”

_Fuck._

“Yes Mrs. Hall?” I straighten out my spine and keep my eyes glued to the exit.

“I’m concerned about your progress in class. Can you come see me after school?”

“Um, yeah, sure, no problem.”

 _Dammit. Looks like the music room is going to have to wait a bit_. 

World history is a bit easier. Just memorize a bunch of dudes and remember the horrors they inflict on indigenous populations. So much repetition. The only problem I have is remembering dates. There’s that math again. When the final bell rings, the rest of the students make their way to the doors of freedom. Leaving me held back in the servitude of school. I drag my feet to Algebra 1, a sense of dread hanging over my head. Even when I am being scolding by my algebra teacher it’s a blur. Maybe it’s something in the air. It must be. Mrs. Hall goes on a long tirade about my future and plans for college. She prattles on long enough to make me anxious about the music room being closed by the time I escape her nagging. She finishes her lengthy speech with a rhetorical question and puts her hands on her hips. I pay her no mind and snatch my bag off the floor, rushing over to the music room. _Oh good, still open._ I pull open the yellow door to the large room filled with a variety of instruments. I ignore cornucopia of brass and strings, heading straight for the grand piano sitting in the middle of the room. I take my seat at the wooden bench and give out a shaky exhale. I pull my sheet music folder out from my messy bag and hold it to my chest. My half finished score makes its way to the stand on the piano and I stare at it lovingly. I have found my happy place. My trembling hands calm as they dance over the ivory keys. I have been working on this ballad for months now, but for some reason, today I am making real progress. I pause to scribble on the sheet music, replaying the notes in my head as to not forget their sweet melodies. 

Through the paper thin walls, I hear the door to the boys’ bathroom creek open then slam shut. _Why did the have to put the music room right next to the bathroom_? I continue writing the last few notes when a muffled voice breaks through the walls. The voice gets louder and I begin to realize that someone is singing. I don’t recognize the song floating into the music room but it’s absolutely mesmerizing. I feel myself rise from the bench and press my ear to the cold wall. _They’ve got a pretty nice voice. Not drama or choir though_. The singing abruptly stops and the bathroom door slams shut. I rush back to the piano bench in a panic as footsteps approach. I shuffle my sheet music in no particular order and clear my throat, keeping my eyes glued to the papers in front of me. The door opens and a warm rush of air flutters through my papers. 

“Oh shit. I didn’t think anyone would be in here this late.”

“Yeah, I tend to lose track of time when I’m in here.”

I glace up to see Craig’s blue eyes staring right through me. His sinewy body leans precariously against the door frame with his arms crossed around his chest. He stares at me emotionless, eyes unblinking.

“Y-you can go ahead though, I’m pretty much done now.” I say lowering my head, feeling my face get warm again.

“No- I’ll come back another time.” He says turning to leave.

“Uh, Craig?” I squeak.

He stops at the door but doesn’t turn back around.

“These walls are pretty thin… I heard you singing just now.”

He pauses for a few moments in the threshold. He taps his finger on the frame a few times then slams the door shut behind him.

I let out a shaky breath that I feel I’ve been holding in since the door opened. _Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. He does have a nice voice after all._

I shake my hands out and run my sweaty palms on my pants. I reach over to my sheet music and lay them nicely back into their folder. Stuffing the whole thing into my backpack. I grip onto the straps of my bag and shuffle down the silent halls to the exit. 

I step outside and raise my hand to my forehead, allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright summer sun. I lower my hand and begin my walk home. The parking lot is nearly empty, save for a few run down cars that must belong to the teachers still stuck inside. My house is a mile away. When the weather is warm and breezy like this, I don’t mind at all. The sidewalks are warm and newly paved. I forget all about the holes in my combat boots until I feel the heat of the pavement warm my foot. I come to a stop at the crosswalk and give out a long sigh. The first time I have any interaction with Craig, I turn an awkward situation into something completely embarrassing. _I’m a fucking spaz_. The flashing walk sign lights up and I take a few mindless steps into the street. 

A crushing pain radiates through the entire left side. My body lunges forward in a ferocious blur. I try to open my eyes but everything is white, hazy and indistinct. Through my blurred eyes I can vaguely see blood. In my daze I can’t figure out where it all came from. My eyes fall shut. Everything turns black. Warm liquid seeps down into my matted hair. A metallic taste stings my mouth but I’m unable to move. The pain spreads to the entirety of my body as my aching leg scrapes across the hot asphalt. My ears ring loudly. I can barely make out the sound of my own name being called. The warm metallic fluid leaking from the back of my throat spills out onto my cheek, trickling down to my ear.

“Tweek!” “Tweek!” My name rings in my ears but all I want to do is go to sleep. A warm pressure soothes my throbbing head. I try to open my eyes to see what’s happening. I hear my name being screamed again but the sound of sirens deafens everything else. The all-consuming darkness creeps back, I have given up trying to fight it. Just let me sleep. Sleep sounds nice.


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh, Richard! Get the nurse! He’s waking up!”

My eyes are blurry and I try to focus on my surroundings: white walls, white sheets, soft chirping in a rhythmic tune, and buzzing from florescent lighting. A hazy shape comes into view: a woman dressed all in white drawing closer to my bed. I turn my head to the side with a wince. My mom’s small figure comes rushing to my side with tears in her eyes. _What the fuck happened?_

As if the nurse was reading my mind she begins,” You were hit by a car. You had fractured your skull, shattered your knee and tibia, you also have extensive bruising on the left side of your body and a concussion. I wouldn’t move for a few days while you’re healing. Or else you’re gonna have a bad time.”

I stare at the women in white in a daze while I begin to wrap my head around what happened. _Wasn’t I just at school?_

“Press this green button here for morphine. It will feel nice but you’ll likely fall asleep shortly after. You should be discharged in about a week.” The nurse turns abruptly and leaves the room, trapping me with my tearful parents. 

“We’re so glad you’re awake honey.” My mom reaches out and squeezes my hand.

“How long was I out for?” _Hours? Days? Weeks?!_

“About 6 hours.” My dad pipes in.

_Oh. I’ll be fine._

“It’s so good that your friend was there!” My mom says through puffy eyes, “He saw the whole thing and called 9-1-1. The gentleman even stayed with you until we arrived.”

_Friend? What friend? I don’t have any friends?_

I flick my eyes between their faces with my eyebrow raised, “What are you talking about?”

“That tall boy with the black hair… oh what did he say his name was, Richard?”

“Craig.”

My heart stops. _I guess the hospital would be the best place to have a heart attack._

“W-wha-uh.” I cough and pain shoots through my entire body. I pause and take a few breaths in and out.

“…Do they know who did this?” I ask with my finger hovering over the green morphine button.

My father looks down, “They don’t know. All we know is that it was a white Prius, which there are a lot of in South Park.”

I press the green button and begin to feel like I’m floating. The walls blur into a sea of white. “Oh well.” I manage to slur as sleep overtakes my aching body. 

The first day in the hospital was excruciatingly boring. Nurses in white dresses coming in and out at all hours of the day, disrupting my dreamless sleep. I just want to be left alone. The second day was much like the first: sleep, green button, vitals, sleep, green button, sleep, vitals. Now I know why it’s called “Hells Pass Hospital”.

On the third day, my parents went back to running the shop. This was also my first day I’ve spent relatively awake. The riveting day was spent counting the tiles on the ceiling. _What kind of a hospital doesn’t even have TV’s in their rooms?_ A doctor with his eyes glued to a vague chart notifies me that I am to start physical therapy tomorrow. _Oh fun._ I sit apathetic in my hospital bed, fantasizing about drinking a hot cup of coffee on my balcony in the warm summer air.

“You have visitors Mr. Tweak.”

_I guess my mom and dad closed the shop early._

“Okay that’s fine.” I say.

The nurse turns to the figures by the counter and motions them in. They inch closer and I notice that their stature and gait are unlike my parents. The first person through I recognized as Clyde, with his red letterman’s jacket and goofy smile. He is awkwardly holding a small card in his large athletic hands. He approaches me with long strides and an equally uneasy expression. Behind Clyde is Token, he peeks around Clyde with a smile on his face. He for the most part, looks oddly comfortable for being in a hospital. Barely visible behind the two, Craig stands a few feet from the exit, eyes scanning the room with an expressionless face. Even from so far away, I notice his defining blue poof ball hat has been replaced by a nondescript black beanie.

“Hey guys?” I squeak out.

Clyde looks around the hospital room, taking in the machinery, bare white walls and sheets. “So um, we got a card for you and had some of the other students sign it.”

“Uh, thanks for this.” I look at the three of them with my mouth slightly agape. I have no idea who these people are outside of their names. _Why are they here?_

I open the generic card and glance over the seven hastily written signatures on one side. Not bad for a student body of 500.

“We also brought your homework here since I know how boring hospitals are.” Token says with an honest grin.

“Thanks.” I mutter. _I really hope they didn’t bring my Algebra 1 homework._

I haphazardly flip through my homework, looking to see if they managed to sneak in anything math related. The soft sound of turning pages and rhythmic beeping float through the air as everyone stands around in awkward silence.

“How are you feeling?” I tear my eyes up from the mess of papers and watch Craig take a few small steps further into the room.

“Um, better. I start physical therapy tomorrow and most of the bruising has already gone down. I’ll just have this cool scar on my head and a busted knee to remember it all.” I say with a half-smile.

“When are you coming back to school?” Clyde asks.

“Next week.” I reply.

“Well, we look forward to seeing you back at school, Tweek.” Token says with a wave.

_Am I dreaming? These guys ignored me for four years and now they’re bringing me cards and acting like they’re concerned for my well-being? What gives?_

They start to leave and my pulse quickens. I grip onto the sheet covering me and take a breath out, “Craig?”

He stops in his tracks and turns to me. His eyes focused on the ground.

“My parents said you were the one who pulled me out of the street and stayed until they got here. T-thanks for that. I’d probably have died in the street if it wasn’t for you.”

“Don’t mention it.” He faces his friends and continues out the door.

The next few days are a combination of physical therapy and complete tedium. I slept most of the time thanks to my little green button. My last day in the hospital I slept like a rock, exhausted from all the physical therapy and morphine. I begin to doze off again and see a dark figure hovering outside of my room. I try to pry open my eyes to see if it’s a visitor for me but my eyes are too heavy. My will to fight against sleep too weak. _It’s not like I have any friends anyways._


	3. Chapter 3

My parents drop me off at school the next day. The awkward crutch combined with my innate clumsiness gives way to a disturbing challenge of ‘try not to fall on my face’. I wasn’t expecting any fan fair when I returned, which is good because there wasn’t any. Classes continued as usual, my teachers expected me to be fully caught up. I wasn’t. _Maybe I should actually take advantage of study hall today instead of hiding out in the music room? Nah._ Lunch came around as usual and I limp to the front of the line. I freeze and stare wide eyed at the tray in front of me. I have come face to face with a dire obstacle. I am left handed. Pouring in too much thought into my dilemma, I pick up the shaking tray with my non-dominate hand and cautiously turn around with my right foot, all the while balancing my crutch under my arm. With my first step, the tray slips out of my hand and I wince in anticipation of the inevitable crash. A hand reaches out and catches it before it collides with the ground. I look up to see Token standing next to me, tray in hand.

“Looks like you might need a hand with this.” He says with a smile.

_Obviously._

“Thanks, Token. I appreciate it.” I say quietly.

“Wanna sit at our table, Tweek?”

My mind went straight to Craig, how pensive he had been at the hospital, how stoic he had been in the music room. But the idea of not eating alone again was too tempting and I nodded my head. Unwilling to draw too much attention to myself, I sit at the end of the table next to Token and across from Clyde. The two of them smiled gently at me and continue their conversation they had apparently been having prior to my arrival. Unable to grasp onto what they were talking about, my gaze drifts to Craig. He has an elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand. The food in front of him seemed to be of no interest to him as he pushed it around with his fork. 

“So... how’s school going, Craig?” I ask. Both Clyde and Token stop their conversation and whip their heads to me then back to Craig.

“Good I guess.” For the first time in a week, he lifts his head and stares back at me with lifeless eyes.

“Oh.” I squeak out, taken aback by his cold features.

A silence blankets the table. All that can be heard is indistinct chatter and faint laughter.

“So Tweek, do you have any idea what you want to do after high school?” Token chimes in, breaking the heavy silence.

It’s an innocent question but it’s one I hate the most.

“I don’t know.” I start. “I’m not good at many things but I do like playing the piano. I guess that’s about as far as my aspirations go.”

Both Clyde and Token light up and exchange gleeful glances. “You know,” Token says with a grin, “we’re actually in a band!”

“You and Clyde?” I ask.

“Nah nah, Clyde is too busy with rugby. Me, Stan, and Craig are the band!”

_Craig? Really? I guess that makes sense after hearing him singing in the bathroom last week._

“I play bass, Stan on drums, and Craig does vocal and guitar. Sometimes piano too.”

My eyes flick to Craig with my lips slightly parted and a flutter in my stomach. _He must be very talented to be fluent in both guitar and piano_.

“Yeah we suck though.” Craig says without looking up.

“Ah, don’t say that! You’ll hurt my feelings!” Stan says with a smile. He puts his tray on the table across from Craig and takes a seat.

“Well it’s true.” Craig responds monotone.

“Even if we do suck, at least we’re having fun.” Token reminds him.

Craig shrugs and adjusts his black beanie.

“One day they’re going to be famous! Mark my words!” It was actually hard to make out exactly what Clyde was saying as he shoveled food into his mouth.

“Speaking of which,” Token pauses in anticipation, “we need to practice soon, guys.”

Stan leans back and puts his hands behind his head. “Nah man, Wendy and I have plans this weekend.”

“You can bring her along! Come on, it will be fun!” Token pleads.

“Nah… we don’t really play the kind of music she likes anyways.”

“What kind of music do you play?” I ask.

Token looks at Stan and shrugs. “Punk, I guess? Alternative, maybe? I don’t really know. We just play what Craig writes.”

I stare wide eyed at Craig - still lazily pushing food around his plate. _Piano, guitar, vocals, AND song writer?!_ Despite my best efforts I find myself absolutely spellbound by the melancholic boy with the sharp blue eyes.

The bell snaps me out of daydream and I reoriented myself to my surroundings. I glance down and notice that Clyde has already taken my tray and was walking to the refuse. I grab my cumbersome crutch and slowly begin hobbling to my locker. Hoards of people rush around me and I lift my head to put in the combination. 

“Hey, Tweeker!” I pause and let out a small sigh, I have become accustom to the insult. “You know, I don’t think that car accident was as bad as you’re making it out to be.” I watch Cartman’s sleazy smile grow as he waddles down the hall, food still stuck on his face. Being bullied my whole life, I’ve learned to just ignore them. I bring my attention back to my locker and shove my math book into my bag.

“Hey! I was talking to you!” Cartman shouts.

I lunge forward as my support slips from under me. My knees fall onto the hard linoleum floor. A pain filled shout escapes from my lips and cradle my knee with my hands, squeezing my watery eyes shut. I feel like my knee has been shattered all over again. 

“Hey you fat fuck! What the hell is your fucking problem?! Picking on injured people because you know your fat ass would never last in a fair fight?”

I draw my watery eyes up to witness Craig towering over Cartman. Cartman looks in both directions and takes a few steps back. Clyde comes to my side and helps me up but I can’t tear my eyes away from the blue eyed boy who has suddenly come to life. 

“If you go near Tweek again I swear to God I will kick your ass all the way back to the 4th grade.” Craig snarls over him.

Cartman stands shaking and Craig backs up, turning to leave.

“Ooohh. Look out everyone, don’t mess with Craig’s girlfriend!” Cartman taunts as soon as Craig turns around.

Craig clenches his fist and pivots back to Cartman. In one steady strike he lands a blow right into his face. A loud crunching noise rings through the hall. The sounds of footsteps rush closer as students gather to watch the carnage unfold. Cartman rocks backwards and braces himself on the lockers behind him. Craig’s eyes harden as he swings his right fist, slamming it into his jaw. He grabs Cartman by the shirt and begins punching him repeatedly. In his merciless onslaught, blood from Craig’s knuckles dot the lockers behind them. Cartman gasps and doubles over onto the floor, raising his arms just in time to block Craig's kick. Craig kneels on the floor and cocks his fist, bashing his face back onto the floor. Cartman peers through his arms around his face and thrusts his elbow backwards, connecting with Craig's mouth. Craig smirks and spits blood onto Cartman’s face. A dark chuckle could be heard through the commotion around us as Craig continues to unleash his fury on the bloody fat boy cradled up in front of him. The students surrounding them start cheering and hollering as I fight the urge to cover my eyes.

As more students gather, the councilor finally rushes down the hall.

“Stop this fighting, mmk?

Craig stands up in one fluid motion and wipes the blood from his busted lip with the back of his hand, leaving a bloodied and sniveling Cartman on the linoleum floor.

“My office. Now Craig. Mmk?”

“Ok.” He says under his breath, taking one last look at Cartman’s bloodied face before walking away with the councilor. 

I stand dumbfounded in disbelief. I have never seen a fight before, let alone one that involved me. Terrified as I was, I felt a sick satisfaction seeing my bully lying helpless on the ground. Cartman falters trying to stand up, tears pour from his eyes down his bloody cheeks. He scans the room with pouty lips, trying to find anyone with a sympathetic stare. At this point, all the bystanders have lost interest and were beginning to dissipate.

_How am I supposed to go to class after that?!_

With my mouth hanging open I snap my eyes over to Clyde and Token. They both stand with pursed lips and brows drawn in. They lower their heads and start walking to class. I stay in shock until the last student departs, leaving me alone with only the sound of my own shaking breaths. The final bells rings and find myself on autopilot limping to class. 


	4. Chapter 4

Craig was suspended for 1 week. I continued to have lunch with Token and Clyde every day. Whenever I mentioned his name they would get quiet and look down. Perhaps they were disappointed. Classes flew by and my interest in school diminished. Everything I did, I did the bare minimum. I didn’t even feel like I could work on my score. The drive was gone and apathy had taken over. My mind was still filled with memories of the fight and the tense atmosphere that follows whenever I mention his name. I counted down the days until he was able to come back to school. I couldn’t tell if my excitement stemmed from wanting to thank him, or my irrational desire just to see him.

Friday finally came around and I could hardly contain my excitement on the way to school. After being dropped off by my doting parents, I carefully scanned the parking lot, searching for anyone in a black beanie. Once I had gotten inside, I rushed over to Craig’s locker. Only to discover he wasn’t there either. My heart sank and I puckered my lips. _He probably isn’t even at school today_. Lunch arrives and after tediously waiting in the slow moving line, I grab my lunch tray as usual. _God it’s nice to not need crutches anymore_. I glance over towards the table and my heart skips a beat. I try to hide my delight as I limp to the table and put my tray down right across from the black haired boy in a black beanie.

I sit down and smile ear to ear, “It’s good to have you back, Craig!”

He flicks his eyes up to me momentarily. A flash of a faint purple and yellow bruising lined the outside of his eye socket. _I don’t remember Cartman hitting him in the eye?_

“What happened to your eye Craig?” I ask.

Token and Clyde stop talking and look at Craig, holding their breath for a response.

He rolls his eyes and clenches his jaw, “Well, in case you forgot. Cartman and I got into a fight last week… He got a couple of shots in.” Craig glares then turns his attention back to his lunch.

“W-well,” I stammer, “thanks for that.”

“It was nothing. He had it coming.” He said, still looking down.

Sensing he had nothing further to say, I drop my head down and return to my lunch as well.

“Hey Tweek?” Token says with his beaming smile, “Do you want to come over to my place after school?”

I stare at him with my mouth slightly open. _Me? Go over to a ‘friend’s’ house? Am I dreaming?!_

“Yes! Absolutely!” I say in an unintentionally high pitched voice.

“Alright then! I’ll give you a ride there.” Token flashes a big smile. “My car is the blue Ferrari in the East parking lot.” He didn’t need to tell me which car was his. The whole school knew. It’s the kind of car that would make Satan jealous.

“We normally smoke and trade off watching old cartoons. This time it’s Craig’s turn.”

“Red Racer.” Craig says without missing a beat.

Clyde and Token break out in laughter. “If nothing else he’s consistent.” Clyde says with his eyes crinkled.

Craig shrugs and continues to stare down, “It’s a good show.”

I look around the table and the atmosphere felt more at ease. With Craig back, a certain blithe and candor returned. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that Craig was hiding something. I’ve seen a spark in his eyes before, when I look at him now, everything just seems grey.

In a town of low-middle income folks, Token’s blue Ferrari stuck out like a nurse with a fetus on her head. I’m pretty sure anyone who’s ever seen that car has wanted to ride in it. The car is always freshly washed and looks brand new- it probably costs more than my parent’s house does. Walking over with Token, I pause and watch Craig smoke a cigarette in his beat down car. A small knock on the window next to me turns my attention back to the Ferrari. He leans over to open the door and coaxes me inside. The interior of the car is all black leather upholstery with spotless floors. The seats give off a new car smell mixed with fine leather. Lost in the craftsmanship of the Ferrari, Token reminds me to buckle up. We begin to leave the parking lot and I crane my neck to see Craig still smoking in his car.

“Is Craig coming too?” I ask Token.

“Yeah, of course. He’ll probably beat us there too.”

I look out the window as Craig’s car becomes a freckle in the distance. _He must drive like a maniac._

When we pull up to Token’s mansion, Craig’s beat down blue car is already parked out front. _How the fuck?_

Token parks his car in the driveway and I slide off the leather seat into the warm sun. Walking towards the giant mansion I peer over to see Clyde’s car slowly climbing up the hill.

“Shall we?” Token asks, gesturing towards the door. I push open the tall double doors into the massive foyer and gasp. The house was welcoming and warm. A spacious floor plan was laid out before me with a modest size kitchen visible on the west side of the house. Pictures were hung upon the walls of a loving family and the transformation of Token from a boy to a man. The floor was of old stained wood with white crown molding leading up to sea green walls. This was the perfect place to entertain. I walk further into the house and gape at the giant spiraling staircase, leading to a floor with at least five doors that I could see.

“How many bedrooms are there?”

“14.” Token says from somewhere behind me.

I scan the living room and my eyes stop at Craig sitting on the sofa with a large tray in his lap, completely engrossed in what he is doing. I slowly walk closer and an overwhelmingly pungent odor fills my nostrils. _Ah. This is what they meant when they said “smoke”_. Token saunters up to Craig and plucks a joint from off his tray.

“Ever smoked Tweek?”

“No actually I haven’t.” I say, messing with the hem of my undershirt.

Token’s grin widens and turns his head to Craig, still expressionless rolling joints. The front door flies open and Token yells, “Dude! Tweek’s never smoked before!” Clyde claps his hands together. “Alright! Let’s get this started!”

Clyde lumbers over to Craig and grabs another joint off of the tray and puts it in his mouth. Craig grabs the last joint and puts it between his lips, igniting the tip with a small flame. He sets the tray down on the mahogany coffee table and exhales a large cloud of smoke.

“Uh, what about Tweek?” Clyde says, clicking the lighter several times to his joint.

Craig rolls his head to Clyde, “He shouldn’t smoke an entire joint on his first time.”

Token and Clyde look at each other for a long time before Token lights up and passes it to me. I take the paper thin joint to my lips and slowly inhale. I hand the joint back to Token and my lungs begin to contracted, leading me into a violently coughing fit.

_Ugh what was that!_

Clyde smiles lazily, “You gotta get off to cough, man.” A silence spreads over the group then boisterous laughter fills the room.

“It’s ‘you gotta cough to get off’, dumbass.” Token says to Clyde. Out of the corner of my eye I see Craig crack a smile.

My eyes begin to droop and my head feels light and fuzzy. _I can get used to this, better than the anxiety meds at least_. Taking in the giant room with my blood shot eyes, they stop on a magnificent grand piano sitting idly in the corner.

“Oh wow.” I accidently say aloud.

Token follows my line of sight and chuckles, “You wanna play? Go for it!”

I get up in a trance and beeline to Token’s grand piano. I run a finger across the dusty cover and marvel at the sheer size of it all. It’s certainly bigger than any piano I’ve ever seen. _I wonder if it’s in tune?_ I sit myself on the piano bench and hover my hands over the keys. I close my eyes and begin playing my unfinished ballad like it was my only purpose in the world. The piano plays just beautifully. The melody drifts though the empty halls of the mansion in a somber symphony. My keyboard at home doesn’t hold a candle compared to the rich sounds coming from this piano. The music drifts through the air like a gentle snow fall. The sound is so sweet I can feel the notes reverberate in my chest, moving me to tears. My ballad sounds exactly the way I dreamt it would. Each note is a song within its self, telling a story never spoken. I don’t ever want to stop playing. I never want to leave this spot. This is where I was meant to be. When I play the last note I glance down at the piano and feel my hands start shaking again. _I can’t believe I just finished my ballad! I need to smoke weed more often!_ I swivel to get another hit from Token’s joint and I stare wide eyed at all three boys gaping back at me. Even Craig is looking right at me, his expression is soft and lips slightly parted. _Okay. That was either really bad or really good. I’m too high to figure it out._

“Tweek! That was amazing, bro!” Clyde gets up and slaps me on the back. I let out a sigh of relief and smile softly.

“Seriously Tweek, that was awesome!” Token chimes in.

I draw my eyes up to Craig, his softened eyes still gazing into mine. His stare captivates me and I can’t look way.

“You’re very talented, Tweek.” He says in a soft voice, grabbing the rolling tray off the coffee table.

“T-thanks guys… mind if I take another hit off someone’s joint?”

Clyde and Token laugh and walk back over to the rolling tray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all the kudos and views. This is the first piece I've ever written and I greatly appreciate it. Feedback is always welcome. Thanks again!


	5. Chapter 5

_I need more coffee. It’s 5AM and I know I’m not going to get any sleep anyways._

Darkness has swept through South Park and I wait for the inevitable sunrise. Soft stars twinkle in the night sky, unchallenged by the crescent moon. A cold breeze tousles my hair but the blanket covering my shoulders shields me from the cold. I gaze out onto the quiet streets and take my last sip of coffee. I hold my blanket around my shoulders and stand to refill my thermos. From out in the night, a familiar figure appears under the dim street lamp. I stare down at the figure with black hair and watch as they gaze back up at me. A pair of bright blue eyes meet my stare and my face fills with warmth. They motion for me to come down and I throw open the glass door of my balcony, scrambling to put on some warmer clothing. I stop at the foot of my stairs and make a quick detour into the kitchen, refilling my thermos with trembling hands. I quietly close the front door and take a few deep breaths. Walking across the street towards Craig.

I pause a few feet away and stare up at him, “What are you doing out so early, Craig?”

“I could ask you the same.” He says, exhaling the smoke from his cigarette.

“For me, it’s late… I wasn’t able to sleep last night.”

Craig takes another drag from his cigarette and nods. “Well, I was just taking a walk. Care to join me?”

I stand frozen and tongue tied. “I can’t walk too far. You know… the accident?” I finally manage to stammer.

Craig looks down and purses his lips. “We can go to the old playground, if it’s not too far for you?”

“S-sure. That’s fine.”

Craig turns around and walks in the direction of the playground. I can’t keep up with his long strides and struggle to match his steps. He glances back at me then slows his pace.

“How have you been feeling?” He asks.

“I am almost back to normal, I have a funny gait now but with more physical therapy it will be like it never happened. Well, except for the scars and medical bills.” I look up at Craig with a playful grin, but his eyes are focused on the ground, his parted lips exhaling a steady stream of smoke.

“How about you? How have you been feeling?”

He looks down at me with a confused expression.

“Your fight with Cartman? The black eye?” I clarify.

“It takes a lot more than a few punches to really hurt me.” He takes another drag and smiles at me with a half grin.

We approach the dark, desolate park and Craig heads to the swing set. He plops himself down on the jangling swing and fishes into his pocket for his carton.

“How have your parent’s been?” He looks down and lights his cigarette.

“They’re fine I guess.”

“They seem like nice people.”

“When did you meet my parents?”

Craig glances over at me and raises his eyebrow. “The hospital.”

_Oh yeah. I keep forgetting._

“Right... Thanks again for that.”

Craig shrugs, “I just figured it would be a scary thing to wake up alone in the hospital. You don’t have to keep thanking me.”

I sit on the swing next to him and grip the squeaking chain with my hand to keep myself steady.

“What about your parents?” I peer up at him, “What are they like?”

He lets out a long, smoke filled sigh. “My mom doesn’t do much of anything. She locks herself in her room most of the time and occasionally ventures out for food. I think she is still on that ‘Budda-Box’ fad. My dad,” he pauses and his eyes harden, “he… isn’t a very good person….But my sister?” Craig stares out into the distance then smiles softly, “She is incredible. She is so bright and witty. So kind too. It’s hard to believe we’re even related… I’m lucky to have her as my little sister.”

Craig’s smile fades as fast as it appeared. His lips turn down and he takes another drag. I had never seen him light up like that before. _I guess he can be a pretty passionate person._

“So what’s your favorite subject in school?” I blurt out.

_Oh God what is this? 50 questions?_

“Physics.”

I snap my eyes over to him. _I can’t even pass Algebra 1 and this guy is in physics?! I’m officially way out of my league._

“Yours?” He turns to me.

I pause and look towards the ground, kicking the wood chips with my boot. “Music I guess… Well, I know it isn’t a real class but it’s my favorite place regardless.”

My hands shaking as I raise my thermos to my lips.

“Your piano talent can take you to a lot of places, you know? Places far from South Park.” He says quietly.

“I don’t know where else I’d go. My parents are here after all.”

Craig shrugs, “Anywhere is better than here.”

I gaze out towards the horizon and see the sun peeking behind the tall mountains, signally the start of another day.

Craig abruptly stands up from the jangling swing set and puts his cigarette out on the cold ground. He adjusts the messenger bag around his shoulders and turns to me with an outstretched hand. “Ready to go home?”

I stare up at him, mesmerized by his perfect features. I reach out a shaky hand and I feel my cheeks turning red. He softly takes my cold hand in his and I slowly rise up.

“My home isn’t far from here, Craig. You can go back to your place. I’ll be fine.”

Craig stares off in the opposite direction with a blank expression. “I’m going to head to school actually. Music room opens early on Wednesdays.”

He looks back at me with a half-smile. “I’ll see you at school, Tweek.”

He walks away, disappearing into the distance and all I can do is stare, as if I am in a dream. He has never seemed so human to me. And yet, everything he says feels so guarded and cautious. There is an aching sadness that overwhelms me each time he speaks, a type of pain I cannot place. All I want is to know him better, to see the world through his eyes. If only just for a moment. Just to understand.

The sun warms the back of my neck and I grip my thermos tight. I turn to begin my walk home, taking my time to reflect on his every word.


	6. Chapter 6

_Bologna sandwiches? Again? I’m pretty sure prisoners eat better than this._

I pick up my underwhelming lunch and head to my table. There are more people sitting there than usual. My anxiety surfaces the closer I get. With sweaty palms I set my tray at my new spot across from Craig. He has his chin in his hand and glances at me without so much as a blink before averting his gaze away from the rest of the table. My heart beats against my chest taking in all the new faces at the table. Token, Clyde, Stan, Jimmy, Kenny, Kevin, Kyle, and David are all piled close together, smiling and chatting excitably among themselves. 

I turn to Craig, “What’s going on?”

Craig looks at me side-eyed and expressionless.

Token loudly exclaims, “Party at my house Friday!”

My heart drops. _I’ve never been to a party before! It’s too much pressure!_

“Token’s parties are legendary!” Clyde adds with a grin.

Kenny leans in closely to the group, “Even girls from North Park show up.”

Stan rolls his eyes, “You’re just excited because you’ve already slept with all the girls in South Park.”

Kenny rubs his hands together and his lips turn up into a mischievous grin.

“Yeah, Tweek! There are so many girls there even you can get laid!”

I raise my eyebrow leaning away. _I don’t know David very well but I’m pretty sure that was an insult._

Craig scoffs then returns to his lunch.

“Craig isn’t much of a party guy but he always shows up anyways.” Token beams at him.

Craig keeps his eyes down and responds with an annoyed grunt.

Clyde smiles at me, “It’s kind of far from your place. I can pick you up if you’d like!”

“S-sure?” I manage to squeak out.

Clyde claps his hands together. “It’s settled then! I’ll pick you up at 8pm. Make sure you’re ready! I always like getting there fashionably late.”

“You only like showing up late because you hate setting up.” Token grumbles.

“Yup!”

The rest of their excited chatter is drowned out by my heart drumming in my ears and my jagged breaths. _A party? What the fuck am I supposed to do at a party?! What should I wear?! Will people think I’m weird?! There will be so many people I don’t know there! What the fuck am I supposed to say to these people?! I can’t dance! I can’t socialize! It’s all too much! Too much pressure!_

“I’ll be there.”

My head stops spinning and I gaze up to Craig’s hypnotic eyes staring into me.

“They’re not that bad.” Craig arches his back and pushes his hands on the side of the table, “People get drunk and make idiots of themselves. Then you watch them walk away embarrassed in the morning.” Craig leans forward again and rests his elbows on the table.

A smile tugs at my lips and I glance to the side, “I’m embarrassed 90% of the time, it might be nice to see someone else embarrassed for once.”

Craig chuckles quietly then returns to his lunch. 

I was able to tune everyone else out at the table. As terrifying as a party may be, I feel like I have some friends there. If all else fails, I can talk to them. Who knows? Maybe I can make some new friends. I smile to myself and start feeling actually excited for the party. I like music, I like my friends, and I like, well, I like being with Craig. I think I’m going to have a good time.


	7. Chapter 7

_God I hate this shirt._ I toss my ratty green button up on the floor and dig deeper through my closet. _More green button ups. Fantastic._ I throw open my dresser drawers and sift through a sea of white for an undershirt. _All white? Has my wardrobe always been this boring?_ 7:50pm. _Fuck. I guess it’s green button up with white undershirt. Again._ I put on the nicest looking green button up I could find but my trembling hands make it nearly impossible to button properly, so I leave it unbuttoned. By the time I pull on my brown combat boots, a blaring horn resonates through my house. I rush down the stairs, still fidgeting with the laces on my boots. My parent’s smiling faces are waiting at the foot of the stairs.

“We’re so happy you’re going to hang out with your friends, sweetie!” My mom smiles and gives me a caring peck.

I wipe the kiss from my cheek and give them a small wave, “I’ll be home tomorrow, Mom. See you then.”

I wave again heading out the door to Clyde’s vehicle. I jump inside the warm car and twist my face, getting a taste full of pungent cologne radiating from Clyde. I’m pretty sure he dumped the whole bottle on himself before getting into the car.

Clyde turns to me with a wide toothy grin, “Ready to par-tay!”

Before I’m able to speak, Clyde speeds off down the street. I hold my breath to avoid choking on his obnoxious cologne. I’m eternally grateful the house is only a short drive away. 

When we reach Token’s, there are cars twisting up around the block. _Jesus Christ how many people are here?!_ Clyde manages to wedge his car in between two old starter cars and I carefully step out onto the freshly fallen snow. The music is blaring, getting louder as we approach the double doors. I step inside and my hands fly up to cover my ears. The music is overwhelming. People are crammed together like sardines and the smell of pot and alcohol flood the room. I pull my hands down but can still feel the bass reverberating through my chest. Clyde turns to me and says something inaudible, pointing somewhere deep into the crowd of people. I scan the area and see someone who I think is Token. My heart beats faster as I start to slowly slip my way through the throngs of dancing people. I lose sight of Token and quickly become overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people surrounding me. I trudge my way forward if only to escape the sea of strangers and I stumble into a blonde girl dressed in a tight red skirt and ripped tank top. She trips forward in impossibly high heels and whips her head around to me with a vicious glare.

“I-I’m sorry Bebe I didn’t mean to-“I try to step back but there are too many people around me, trapping me in her wrath.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going, Tweek! Jesus, why the fuck are you even here? Who invited you?!”

Bebe’s eyes narrow. She turns back around to her date, jabbing me with her elbow. I stumble backwards into a group of strangers only to get shoved back to the side. _What AM I doing here? I don’t belong here. No one wants me here anyways._ I squirm back around and make my way through the sweaty mess of people to the double doors. My heart rate decelerates and a lump forms in my throat when I see the exit. I place my shaking hand on the cold handle and take one last look around the packed living room. My eyes draw to the sparse west side of the room then my hand slides down from the door. Craig is looking out blank-faced into the hoard of people. He has an elbow on the counter and is resting his chin on his hand. His gaze meets mine and he stands up straight. He raises his arm and makes a beckoning gesture to me, and like the ocean, I was pulled in. 

“Enjoying the party, Tweek?” He asks, leaning against the counter.

I glance back at the crowd of people and make out Bebe flailing her arms in the distance. “Not really.”

Craig stifles a laugh. “Me neither.”

He grabs two shot glasses from the counter and slams them down in front of us.

“So, what’s your poison?”

“I don’t really have one. I’ve never actually drank before.” I admit.

Craig studies me. “Vodka?”

“Sure, I guess.”

He grabs a blue bottle from the cupboard above the fridge and carefully pours the liquid into the two small glasses. He grabs one of the glasses and holds it up to me. I raise my glass next to his then we quickly down the acrid liquid in unison. I swallow the shot in one motion and immediately begin coughing. I hold my hand up to my mouth, scrunching my face. _God that was awful._

“Too much?” Craig chuckles.

“That was disgusting.” I manage to say, feeling the warm liquid seep into my stomach.

“Here, I’ll make you something.” Craig strides to the fridge and pulls out a pitcher filled with pink liquid.

“What’s that?” I ask, still trying to relax my face.

“Passion fruit, pineapple, and orange juice.” He gently places the pitcher on the counter and digs in the nearby icebox, pulling out a 7-Up.

He measures out 2 shots and pours them into a red cup. He takes equal parts juice and soda then pours them into the cup before giving it a quick stir.

“Now. Try this.” Craig hands me the cup with a brief flash of a grin.

I cautiously bring the mystery cocktail up to my lips, preparing for another onslaught of liquid acid. I stare him in the eye and take a small sip.

“This is actually pretty good!” I take a bigger drink, “I can’t taste the alcohol at all!”

Craig pours himself another shot and washes it down like it was water. He sets the glass down and leans on the counter, staring apathetically towards the crowd. “Alcohol doesn’t make parties better, just more tolerable.’’

The alcohol takes effect and my nerves calm. My body fills with warmth and my inhibitions begin to dissipate.

“Bebe give you a hard time?” He says sternly.

My eyes snap to Craig. _Did he see all that?_

“Well, kinda.” I say quietly.

“Don’t listen to her. She is a selfish bitch.” Craig stares out into the crowd stone faced.

My hands get clammy gripping around my red cup. “Did you guys- you know- date?”

Craig turns to me in confusion and disgust. “I’d never date someone like that, someone mean and cruel to people if only just to make themselves feel better." Craig takes another shot then washes it down with the open can of 7-Up. I relax and wonder if Craig is feeling the effects of the alcohol like I am. If he is, he certainly isn’t showing it.

“Wanna get high?” I turn to Craig as he pulls out a joint from his cigarette carton.

“Sure.” I say, despite thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the alcohol.

Craig starts heading up the spiral staircase and I follow closely behind. I look down at the mess of people below me and let out a sigh of relief that I’m no longer one of them. The second floor is just a straight line of doors in a long corridor. Craig immediately heads into the room 4 doors down from the staircase.

“This is the best room because it has a personal bathroom.” He says with a hint of a smile.

We step inside the massive room, in front of the silken king sized bed lays large flat screen TV perched on the wall. All the walls are painted a deep red and the furniture is a complimentary black wood. There is only one window hidden behind a cream colored curtain. Even with the blaring music downstairs, the entire room is quiet and still. I sit on the bed and sip my fruity drink, taking in every intricate detail of the room. I feel a warm rush of air besides me and watch as Craig stuffs a towel under the door. He then heads to the other side of the room and cracks open the window a few inches. Grabbing an ashtray from one of the dresser drawers, he sits on the bed near me, digging around his pocket for a lighter.

“Are we supposed to be smoking in here?” I say, looking around at the immaculate room.

“I guarantee you,” he says lighting the joint, “we’re not the only people smoking in this house right now.” He deeply inhales and passes the joint to me.

“I guess that’s a good point.” I take the joint between my index finger and my thumb and take a small breath in. We pass the joint back and forth in silence until it extinguishes its self. Craig puts the roach in the ashtray then abruptly stands up.

“I’ll be right back. Pot always makes my eyes dry.”

I nod then go back to staring at the wall. _I’m finally alone with him at the party. Why can’t I think of anything to say?_ I take another sip of my liquid courage and hear him coming back from the bathroom. He walks to the other side of the bed and lies down, closing his eyes.

“Don’t you want to go back to the party, Craig?”

“No.” He glances at me. “Do you?”

“No.” I relax and lay on the bed next to him.

“Craig?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

He looks at me with an eyebrow raised. “Sure?”

“What happened to your blue hat?”

He turns his head and looks up at the ceiling taking several even breaths.

“Do you want to know what I tell everyone or the truth?”

“Both.”

“Well, I left my hat too close to my guinea pig cage and they got a hold of it and chewed it up.”

I roll my eyes. _That’s a terrible lie._

“Okay, and the truth?” I ask.

Craig continues to stare at the ceiling, motionless. I move closer to him as if to hear his thoughts. He lets out a long sigh and draws his eyes down.

“That day, when you got hit by that car, I ran towards you and pulled you out of the street and onto the sidewalk. There was so much blood. Your head was bleeding heavily so I grabbed my hat and tried to use that to stop the bleeding. But there was just… so much blood. I didn’t know what to do while I was waiting for the ambulance to come. I just kept calling out your name and applying pressure…I thought I was watching you die…”

He pauses and parts his lips slightly, his expression shifts as he looks away. “When they took you away, I got into my car and followed you to the hospital. I didn’t know what to do. I was frantic and covered in your blood… When I reached the emergency room, you were already in the OR so I just sat in the waiting room in shock. Your parents arrived a few hours later while you were still unconscious. I felt like I didn’t need to be there anymore so I went home. I put all my clothes in the wash to try and get all the blood out. My clothes turned out fine but the stains on my hat never washed out.”

“Oh.” I draw my head up and look to the ceiling as well. “I’m sorry.”

Craig turns his head to face me, “Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.”

“Thank you, again, for doing that. You saved my life.” I slide down on the bed and turn to face him. “I would have died in that street if it wasn’t for you.”

He looks up again, avoiding my gaze. “Please stop thanking me.”

“Why should I?! You’re the reason I’m alive!” My throat tightens and pain fills my chest. “You saved me, Craig!”

“No.” He says in a shaking voice. “I was the reason you were hit.” 

He flicks his watery blue eyes up to me. My whole body freezes. My mouth dries and I struggle to find a way to defend him. _He couldn’t be the reason. He just couldn’t be._ I hear his breathing become more rugged, more strained. A single tear escapes from the corner of his eye.

“After I got home that night, I went into the garage for the laundry detergent… I saw my dad’s white Prius. It was dented on the right side and covered in blood.” His voice breaks and tears start falling from his eyes. “I confronted my dad as he was stumbling around the kitchen… He told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone.” His breaths come out in uneven gasps. He turns up to me with frantic eyes. “You don’t know my dad! He really would kill me! I’m so sorry, Tweek!” His face twists and tears begin rolling freely down his cheeks. I slowly lift my hand and brush a tear away. “It was my fault.” He whispers.

He closes his eyes and begins shaking. I brush the back of my hand across his cheek, lingering by his jawline. “It wasn’t your fault.” I feel a tear roll down my own cheek, “You saved me.”

Craig shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, Tweek.”

“Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.” I murmur.

He gazes up at me with tears glistening off his lashes, his parted lips shaking. I rest my hand on his warm, damp cheek. His eyes stare into mine with an aching sadness I now recognize. Drawn into his vibrant blue eyes I close mine. I lean in and feel his ragged breath as our lips meet. I press into him and our mouths begin to move in unison. I feel his lips whisper apologies I don’t need to hear. I brush away the tears falling from his bright blue eyes, pressing my body further into his. I caress his cheek and our mouths melt together.

“You saved me.” I whisper as we continue to breathe each other in. His breathing slows and I slide my tongue between his parted lips. He reaches up and runs his fingers through my hair. Chills ripple through my entire body and I let out a quiet moan. His mouth is so sweet, so intoxicating. I slide my hand under his shirt and feel my way up every groove of his firm torso.

He pulls away and looks up to me with watery, blood shot eyes. “Tweek?”

I draw my hand back from under his shirt and stare back at him, scared I had done something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he goes on, “I just… want to take this slow.”

I let out a sigh of relief and smile softly. “I understand.”

He smiles back then lies down on the bed with his back facing me. I lie beside him and wrap my small arm around his waist. I move closer to press our bodies together as I take in his smell of cigarettes and pine. I try to match our breathing and close my eyes as we both drift off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

The frigid air from the cracked window pulls me from my hazy dream. I sit up and shift uncomfortably in my unwashed clothes from last night. My hand reaches down onto the bed, feeling the smooth silken sheets drawn up to the pillow. I’m beginning to think last night may not have even happened. Just a side effect of the alcohol I had consumed the night before. After all, there’s no way I slept with Craig Tucker. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and rest my throbbing head in my shaky hands. _It must have been my imagination._ I wobble slightly on my way up off the bed and start to leave the still, cold empty room behind me. I pause at the threshold of the spiral staircase, the smell of bell peppers and bacon waft through the air. I tear my painful eyes to my watch, 6:50 AM. _There is no way anyone can be up already after last night._

I shuffle down to the bottom of the staircase and see a spotless kitchen illuminated in front of me. A pitcher of orange juice sits sweating on the counter and the coffee pot lets out a slight hiss. Up upon the counter is a pile of scones, overwhelming my senses with their tantalizing aroma. Shining chocolate chips glisten from the top of the freshly baked delight. I reach over, cradling the warm pastry in my hand, feeling the warm chocolate chip melt onto me. A boy in a black hat turns the corner with a towel in his hand. 

He stops at the counter and places the towel down, leaning forward on the counter with a slight smile, “Good morning, Tweek.” I stand speechless in front of him, realizing everything that happened last night was real. _I kissed the hottest guy in school._

“H-hey Craig.” I look around at the clean kitchen, still holding my warm scone. “Did you do all of this?”

“Well there is a breakfast casserole in the oven too but yes,” he glances back at the oven, “I did all of this.”

I take a bite of the soft scone and taste the chocolate and butter melt in my mouth, I can’t help but let out a satisfied moan. “This is delicious, Craig. Better than the ones at my parent’s coffee shop.”

He grabs the towel again and returns to the oven, “Glad you like it.” He carefully removes the casserole from the hot oven and places it on the near-by hot plate, using his knee to close the oven.

“I’m sorry I forgot to ask.” He stops and turns his full attention to me. “Coffee, Tweek?”

I nod my head and take a seat on one of the barstools by the counter. Craig is busy preparing something at the coffee bar and I stare out into the room of smashed red cups and spilt beers on the floor. _At least I hope they’re beers._

Craig brings me my coffee and looks up with a sly grin. “Now comes my favorite part of these parties.”

A thud from the second floor draws my attention. A disheveled Annie comes staggering down the spiral stairs, almost tripping over her own feet. She manages to make it down unscathed then stumbles her way past us, heels in hand. She presses her hand to her head and attempts to open the front door with just her skinny red heels. _Yikes._

There is more stirring from upstairs and the house begins to come to life. A rhythmic thumping bounds down the stairs and a smug faced Kenny saunters up to the counter.

“Lucky or unlucky, Ken?”

“Lucky!” He says in a muffled voice. He reaches out for a scone and pours himself some orange juice into a leftover red cup.

With barely a sound, Wendy appears with an angelic grin accompanied by Stan.

“Good morning guys. Breakfast?” Craig says, motioning to the feast in front of them.

Wendy and Stan’s eyes light up, taking in all the brightly colored food on the counter top. They carve out a small piece of the casserole and slide it onto their plates, snatching up a scone on their way to the coffee bar.

“Thanks Craig!” Stan leans over to Wendy with a grin, “This is always my favorite part of Token’s parties.” Wendy smiles sincerely at Craig then strolls to the table.  
With a faint smile, Craig takes another sip of his coffee.

While we sit in silence, enjoying our breakfast in peace, the sound of water hitting the floor followed by a loud gag makes my stomach churn. Craig turns to me with a shit eating grin on his face and watches the dark skinned boy trip over himself as he makes his way to the door.

“Lucky or unlucky, David?” Craig looks back at him with a smirk of amusement.

David gags a few more times and I lean back, bracing myself for the inevitable hurl.

His face is green and dripping with sweat. He avoids eye contact with everyone in the room and lets out another nauseating gag, “I gotta go dude. I’m going to be sick.”

He stumbles his way to the door without leaving another mess. Wendy and Stan exchange glances and giggle.

Stan turns to me with a smile, “Did you have a good time, Tweek? Hook up with any girls?”

My face fills with heat and heart begins to pound. “Umm. N-No. Nothing like that.”

“Well,” Stan says, leaning into Wendy, “one day you’ll meet a cute girl and she’ll make you happier than you’ve ever been.”

“Now I’m going to throw up.” Craig adds, sipping his coffee.

“Shut up, Craig!” Stan says with a playful smile, “I swear, you’re going to die alone!”

“Only if I’m lucky.” He retorts.

Stomping footsteps reverberate through the house, my cup shakes and small ripples form on the top of my coffee. A narrow eyed huffing blond girl with crimped hair comes storming down the staircase with vomit covering what little clothes she’s wearing.

“Hey bitch.” Craig says flatly. Bebe snaps her head over to Craig with daggers in her eyes. He slowly lifts up his middle finger without breaking eye contact.

“Fuck you, Craig.” She snarls. Making her way to the exit I hear a small gag as the cold autumn air rushes in.

With wide eyes, Stan and Wendy turn to Craig.

Craig takes another sip of his coffee and shrugs, “Well, she is a bitch.”

No one disagrees and quietly goes back to their breakfast. An exuberant looking Clyde pops out from the side room with his arm wrapped around Red. She has her arms folded and averts her eyes whenever Clyde looks in her direction. “Ah yes!” Clyde takes his arm off of Red and seizes a porcelain plate from the counter, “I love Craig Breakfast!” He rushes to the counter and begins to pile his plate with generous servings of the food. Red follows slowly behind him, swinging her hips as she grabs a scone and a cup of juice. She gazes up at Craig under her thick black lashes.

“Thanks Craig.” She breathes out and smiles, “I already knew you were smart and talented, I guess I can add master chief to the list too.” She tilts her head to the side and winks.

Craig snaps his head to Clyde as he absentmindedly shovels food in his mouth. _Was Red just hitting on Craig?_ I feel a ping of jealously hit my chest but I quickly repress the feeling. _It’s not like we’re are together or anything._

Token appears from the downstairs master bedroom and he immediately throws his hands up in the air. “Shit! Am I really the last one up?!” Craig breaks out in laughter and Clyde starts chanting, “Laundry! Laundry! Laundry!”

Token lets out a long sigh and drags his feet into the kitchen, taking the last of the food.

“What does last one up have to do with anything?” I say to Token.

“We have 3 chores: Trash, deep cleaning, and laundry,” Token explains, “laundry is by far the worst. You don’t want to know the kind of stuff that gets on those sheets.”

“I get trash because I’m the first one up. As always.” Craig raises his cup to Token with a smile.

“Annnd I get deep cleaning, the longest chore, but at least it’s not laundry.” Clyde closes his eyes and grins at Token.

I finish my second cup of coffee and listen to the three of them complain about their chores. After breakfast, Stan and Wendy take their leave. I stay with Craig to help him with the trash.


	9. Chapter 9

Monday arrives and for once I find myself actually excited for school. I try to button my shirt with shaky hands and pull on my combat boots that I’m thankful are already tied. I practically skip down the stairs with my thermos in hand, day dreaming of the blue eyed boy. I rush out the door, careful not to slip on the wet cement under the dark Colorado sky. My gait has returned to normal and I don’t mind walking to school anymore. Where school once seemed like an isolating prison, it’s now a place I can relax and be myself. I never thought I’d be so glad to have been hit by a car.

The parking lot is already full. I can’t see over the numerous trucks to tell if Craig’s compact car is there. The rain picks up again and my shoulders become heavy with water. I rush through the school entrance into the warm building with a squeak from my shoe. I casually walk to Craig’s locker in hopes to steal a glance of him to get me through the first few periods. My heart sinks seeing his locker desolate. I scan the area but there is no trace of him. _Maybe he’s just late today._

My classes crawl by and I fight a never-ending battle to stay focused. The lunch bell rings and I quickly cram my useless papers into my overflowing bag. I walk fast just to be the first one in the lunch line. I glance over at our table and notice no one sitting there yet. I grab my tray as usual and smile seeing Clyde and Token already seating themselves in their respective spots. I set my tray down and stare at Craig’s empty seat. Stan appears across from me and sits down with a smile on his face.

“Is Craig sick today?”

Clyde and Token exchange quick glances before lowering their eyes.

“Yeah, he is.” Token looks up at me. “He’s pretty contagious too.” He returns to his food and neither of them says another word.

“So when is the next band practice Token?” Stan glances at him and begin chatting about drum solos and tuning instruments while Clyde listens intently. 

I take out my phone and scroll to Craig’s name. I don’t want to sound too eager or too cheesy. I open messenger under his name. **Get well! Miss you buddy!** _Buddy? Really?_ I hold down the delete button and try again. **Heard you were sick! I wish you were here with me!** _Wayyyy to eager, and borderline creepy._ I finally settle on **Heard you were sick. I can bring you your homework if you like?** _Perfect. Sympathetic and a question guaranteeing a response._ I send my text with confidence and put the ring on the highest volume so I’ll know when I get a response. Feeling satisfied, I dump my lunch tray at the refuse and reluctantly head to math.

It is now Wednesday. I still haven’t heard from Craig and I am beginning to think he might be ignoring me. Perhaps he regrets what happened at the party. I wouldn’t blame him. He is way out of my league after all. Maybe he was just using me to feel vindicated about the car accident. It was nice while it lasted. I got a taste of perfection. Too bad it was so short lived. 

Thursday is filled with anxiety and embarrassment. I can’t seem to get out of my own head. Regret and shame has consumed me and my feet drag heavily into the music room. I sit on the piano bench I used to love so much and stare at the keys with dead eyes. I stay unmoving until I hear the bell ringing in my head. _I hope I get over this soon. I feel empty._

My eyes are heavy and I can’t seem to muster the energy to move. I pull myself out of bed and breathe out a deep sigh. I somehow managed to get dressed and out the front door. I don’t know how. I don’t even remember it. _Maybe I should just move schools?_ I half-heartily look around the packed parking lot and my breath gets caught in my throat. My eyes are fixated on the beat down blue car in the back of the parking lot. _That’s it! That’s his car!_ A strange mixture of joy and anxiety washes over me, I head straight towards the building, managing to step into every puddle along the way. I casually walk through the halls looking for Craig’s black beanie. Through the maze of students, I don’t see him at all. _Maybe that wasn’t his car after all._

The bell signaling lunch rings and I make my way through the rush of students, trying not to have my hopes up for an inevitable crash. The cafeteria is cold as always and the chatter of students becomes buzzing in my ear. Not feeling hungry, I head over to the table. I look up to see a boy in a black beanie sitting at the end of the table. My heart leaps and I rush over to my seat, parking myself in front of him and smiling in relief. He doesn’t have any food in front of him either and is looking down.

“Hey Craig!” I say enthusiastically, “I’m glad you’re feeling better!”

Craig slowly looks up to me and I let out an involuntary gasp. The whites of his left eye had been replaced by a blood red pool, standing in contrast with the fading blue and yellow bruise around the socket.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better. Thanks, Tweek.” He mutters.

Unable to breathe I manage to ask in an exhale, “What happened?”

He lowers his eyes again and responds in a monotone voice, “I was sick so I vomited. I must have popped a blood vessel, it’s no big deal.”

I wasn’t satisfied with his answer. _That’s more than a popped blood vessel._

Clyde and Token appear with their lunches and casually sit down in their usual spots, talking about taking some sort of trip.

“It’s going to be getting cold soon. We should do it now before it starts snowing again.” Token rests his cheek in his hand and points his fork at Clyde.

“This is the only weekend I have left before rugby season picks up… Okay, I’m down.” Clyde gives him a toothy grin then turns to Craig.

“Last camping trip of the season, you down Craig?”

Craig glances at Clyde momentarily and shrugs, “I guess so.”

Token and Clyde both turn their attention to me, eyes brimming with excitement, “You wanna come Tweek?” Clyde pushes himself up against the table, nearly knocking over his tray, “It’s always a lot of fun! Stan and Wendy will be there too! We light a big fire and drink a lot of booze and Craig plays the guitar! You’ll love it! You should join us!”

My stomach suddenly feels like it’s tied in knots, the overwhelming urge to vomit reaches my throat and I look down with a quivering jaw. _What’s happening to me?_

I fold my shaking hands into my lap and raise my head. Clyde and Token are beaming at me with wide grins. I flick my eyes between the two and feel myself nodding.

“Alright!” Clyde jumps up, “We live close so I’ll pick you up around 3:30pm”

I stay unmoving in my seat and nod my head again. A shroud of fear sets over me and my palms begin to sweat. I shift my eyes over to Craig, still staring at the ground. _So long as Craig’s there everything will be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. But a necessary set up for the next chapter.  
> Thanks again for the views, kudos, and comments! I hope you like the next chapter. It's one of my favorites.


	10. Chapter 10

Clyde’s red car cruises up the windy roads surrounded by trees. The engine struggles as it ascends further up the mountain. His radio is blasting a rap song I’ve never heard, drowning out the thoughts that keep creeping up on me. My eyes are glued on my lap, wringing my hands and lacing my fingers together, trying to focus on the loud music drumming in my ears.

 _What’s happening to me?_  


“Ever been camping, Tweek?!” Clyde yells over the sound of the blaring music.

I jump back in my seat from the unexpected shout in my ear. “No, no I don’t think I have.” My voice sounds foreign to me, as if it has become disconnected from my body.

Clyde smiles and lets out a laugh, “Well you’re about to have a great time! Nothing like the great outdoors to put your mind at ease.”

The sound of gravel under the tires and a bump in the road forces my eyes up. Twilight has turned the forest into an ominous landscape of greenery, looming trees claw at the sky above. He drives deeper into the forest upon the grey gravel path. I press my body further back into the seat, trying to melt into the torn leather interior. My breathing picks up the further we go.

His car decelerates to a grinding stop, hurling me into my seatbelt. Craig’s blue car and Stan’s truck are parked unevenly around an unmarked clearing in the forest. Clyde parks vertically and springs out of the car, yelling a greeting into the empty forest. I stay glued to the seat and hesitate before bringing my trembling hand up to the handle. I push the door open only so far I could slide out, softly shutting it behind me.

My heart races surveying the campsite - sharp rocks surrounding a pit of flames, gnawing bark below my feet, and a perfect row of tents staring at me from the far side of the camp. I back up until my body presses firmly against the warm car, the smell of gas reaching my nostrils. Stan and Wendy give me a gentle wave from behind the flames of the campfire and Stan takes swig from a green glass bottle. The sound of tires behind me causes my hand to grip tighter onto the handle of the car.

“Hey guys! Looks like I’m the last one here!” Token appears from the corner of my eye and gives me a warm smile, “Glad you could make it, Tweek!” He looks across the lively campsite and turns back to me, “Need help setting up your ten-?”

"No.” I say in a quiet voice.

Token raises an eyebrow then shrugs. He waves at Stan and Wendy around the campfire and tries to pry the bottle from Stan before sitting down.

I avert my eyes to avoid looking at the tents in front of me. Craig’s bloodshot eye stares mindlessly into the fire. I take a few steps forward and feel my legs begin to shake. My feet drag across the bark and I find myself staring into the roaring fire, my eyes burn but I don’t look away.

“Why don’t you take a seat, Tweek?” I follow the sound of Token’s voice and lower myself onto the log, Craig sitting motionless just a few feet away from me.

“Doesn’t that fresh air feel nice?” Clyde puts his hands behind his head and sucks in a deep breath.

Token and Wendy mutter in agreement and Stan takes another drink out of the bottle.

“What about you Craig?” Token turns to Craig with a wide grin, “Feeling better?”

“I guess so.” Craig murmurs, not taking his eyes off the fire.

“So Tweek!” Clyde yells over the pit, “If you don’t set up your tent where do you plan on sleeping?”

I snap my eyes up from the inferno and immediately turn towards the cars, “Well if it’s okay with Stan, I can just sleep in the back of his truck.”

“Fine by me bud!” I keep my eyes on the cars and hear the slosh of alcohol against glass.

“Why don’t you want to sleep in a tent, Tweek? I told you I can help you set it up!”

My eyes stay fixated on the cars and I shake my head, “I don’t know, I just don’t want to” I say in a hushed voice.

“Fair enough.”

I turn my gaze back to the group of smiling faces. I’ve always wanted friends, but watching them around the fire pit nauseates my stomach.

“Want any Craig?” Stan slurs, extending the bottle out to him.

“No, I’m good man.” Craig turns his head over to Stan, looking him up and down before returning his stare to the fire.

I glance to Craig, his face void of any emotion. _He was so happy and carefree at the party. I’d feel better if I just saw him smile._

“Do you know what would be really nice?” Token gives Craig a grin of anticipation, “If Craig started playing the guitar.”

Clyde starts clapping his hands and Stan and Wendy begin to laugh.

“Maybe later, I don’t feel like it right now.” He says monotone.

The group lets out a series of disappointed groans.

I shift over on my seat and move closer to Craig. His eyes flick down at me then he gets up, moving to the opposite side of the fire pit. My lips part and I draw my eyes to the seat he was just in, feeling a tightness in my chest.

“If you guys want to go on a hike, we should probably go now.” Token says to the group, brushing the bark off of his pants.

“We’re down!” Stan jumps up from his seat and braces himself on Wendy.

Token turns his head to the side, “Clyde?”

Clyde pulls himself up with a grunt and twists his torso.

“I’ve got the flashlight! You coming too Craig?” Clyde smiles.

“I think I’ll just stay here.” He says quietly.

Through the wisps of the flames I can make out Craig's face, unmoving, unfeeling.

“Tweek?” I flash my eyes over to an excited Clyde.

“N-No. I don’t like going out there” I stammer, feeling my heart beating faster.

Clyde shrugs then bounds to his friends as they set out into the night.

The darkness behind me creeps up under my shirt and sends chills down my spine. Pressure builds on my shoulders and I let out a shaking breath. I shiver as my skin turns to ice. The void seeps into my bones. I scramble out of my seat and scurry to the cars, pressing myself into the metallic body. My eyes move back to Craig, sitting still in his seat. Oblivious to my movements. Unaware of his surroundings. His bloody eye reflecting in the menacing flames.

“I feel like you’re ignoring me.” I breathe out.

“I’m not ignoring anyone.”

“Then why did you move away when I tried to get closer to you?”

He shifts his body away and looks towards the tents.

I purse my lips and take a deep breath, “I think I know what happened to your-”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He snaps.

“I think you do... You can talk to me, Craig.”

“Whatever you think happened, didn’t. Drop it.” The sharpness of his voice pushes me further into the vehicle.

My body begins shaking and I reach back to grab onto the handle of the car, “Why are you being this way? I feel like I got a glimpse of the real you last week... You were vulnerable and passionate and… alive.”

“I’m none of those things.”

I step towards him with tears filling my eyes, “You were there! I saw you! I held you!”

“Stop it, Tweek.” He says flatly, “You’re filling your head with stories.”

I clench my fists and swallow back my tears, “I don’t know what happened but you're a completely different person now!” Blood boils under my skin and my eyes narrow, “You're cold and, and insensitive!” I glare at the back of his head and harden my voice, “You just hurt people... because that’s what you’re best at.”

“I’ve had enough of this conversation.” Craig stands up and looks into the darkness of the forest. “What happened at the party was a mistake. Just leave me alone Tweek.”

I watch as he descends into the blackness, my back still pressed against the car. I let out a shaky breath and bring a hand up to my face. _Why would I say that?_

I stare out in his direction, terrified of the darkness leering back at me. I can barely make out the shape of the trees. An icy breath of air rushes through me. The smell of smoke from the campfire is suffocating and burns my nose. I take one shaky step forward, my hand still pressed against the safety of the car. My feet begin to move until I’m face to face with true blackness. Every muscle in my body tells me to run, tells me to hide. A chill as cold as death grips me, yet my hands begin to sweat. I close my eyes and take my first steps into the night.

My eyes can barely adjust to their surroundings. My boots crunch on dead leaves, each step was measured to not fall into the matted undergrowth. I walk aimlessly through the thicket, brushing my hand across coarse tree trunks. The light of the moon is blocked by the thick canopies. I begin to quicken my pace to escape the foreboding presence stalking me, creeping up behind my back and weighing down my shoulders. I stumble on a rock in my path and catch myself with my hands. I draw them to my face but can’t see the splinters I feel are there. There are no trails, just an endless maze of rocks and trees. The further I got, the more I realized I may not be able to return. Dense woods engulf me and I try to take in even breaths, the ominous mist keeps me from seeing more than a foot ahead. My heel sinks into the sticky ground and my heart begins to pound, mud and sunken in moss flood my shoes. I fall onto the ground and yank my leg out of the invisible bog, releasing myself from its snare. I scramble up as fast as I can and rush forward; an overhanging branch slices my cheek, the feeling of warm blood runs down my neck. The web of darkness presses on me from all sides. I race forward to hide from the whispering trees and waving branches. Brambles catch onto the sides of me, tearing deep holes in my pants and ripping the skin off my legs. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where I came from. I just keep running, terror pounding in my chest. I crash into a wide tree trunk and realize I have nowhere left to run. The forest falls silent. I can only hear my hitched breaths leaving from my shaking lips. I turn my back on the tree and my legs shake as they give out. I fall onto my aching knees and splintered hands, panting loudly, trying to keep my eyes shut. My nails drag on the leaves below me.

 _Oh God please don’t leave me here!_ I pull my knees into my chest, fear seeps down my stomach. My head spins and I try not to pass out into the cold ground. The icy air presses on my shoulders and I sink lower into the damp forest floor. I try to let out a scream but all that escapes me are pained whimpers. Sweat pours down from every part of me, stinging my torn body. My breathing becomes quickened and strained. _Oh God please don’t leave me here! I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me!_ I bury my face between my knees and let the tears I’ve been holding back run down my legs. A snap of a twig from behind me makes my heart beat out of my chest. I pull my legs closer into me as if that will keep me safe from the encroaching shadows. I shake uncontrollably, fear tightens its hold on me. I scream as loudly as I can. The only sound reaching my ears are the faint memories of 9 year old boy’s desperate sobs.

A hand reaches out from behind me and brushes against my shoulder.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” I scream into the nothingness. My voice echoes into the night. The sounds of my cries are all that remains.

The slow sound of crunching leaves approach. I press myself deeper into the sharp bark of the tree, ripping holes into my shirt and clawing at my back.

“It’s just me, Tweek.” A soft voice reaches my ears.

I keep my head pressed into my knees and ignore the tricks of the dark.

“Please don’t leave me here.” I whisper to myself.

“I’m not going to leave you.” The voice is soft and calm.

My body stops shaking but I can’t dare to stare back into the empty night.

The crunch of leaves stills. I keep my face hidden. A presence looms in front of me. _Please don’t hurt me._

I keep my head down, breathing in shaking gasps and cries. The howl of the wind gusts under my shirt and reaches up my neck. I bring my hands to my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. I want to scream back into the night but my dry mouth only releases a series of hitched sobs. _Please don’t hurt me._

“Tweek.”

My body flinches back towards the tree. I throw my arms up, covering my face.

“It’s me… I’m not going to hurt you.”

I bring my arms down wrapping them back around my legs. I take deeper breaths, bracing myself for the horror I know that has stalked me here.

I slowly bring my head up, leaning further back into the tree. Crouched down in front of me is a pair of blue eyes contrasted by pale skin. I inhale the cool air and feel my heart slow.

“I’m not going to leave you, I promise.” He says with confidence.

I drop my hands to the side and choke back the tears I have left. My hand reaches out to him, grabbing onto the sleeve of his jacket. He looks down at my hand then draws his gaze back to me. My shoulders begin to shake and I grip tighter to his jacket, letting the last of the tears I have run down my face. I let out a trembling breath and slide my torn body up the jagged tree, bark snagging my wounds with small snaps. His eyes never look away as he raises himself from the ground with me. I stare down at the dried leaves on the forest floor, clenching his jacket in my dirty, sweaty hand. He stays motionless in front of me, asking no questions, eyes unflinching. My chest aches and my eyes are tired, I part my lips to say something, anything, but the words don’t come out. I keep my eyes down and pull him in close to me, pressing his body into mine. His arms move around me, holding me in a tender embrace. I rest my pounding head on his chest, gasping in all the air my lungs would hold. I feel his hand caress the back of my head. He lays his head down on mine and stands perfectly still. I take in his warmth, his scent… his compassion. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to have to face the darkness. I don’t want the fear to take me hostage again. I just want to stay here. Where it’s warm. Where I’m safe. He pulls back from me and I fight the urge to pull myself back into his safety. His gaze meets mine and my body relaxes.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, drawing his hand back from my head, brushing against my jaw as his arm falls to his side.

I wrap my arm around his and rest my head on his shoulder, “Me too.”

He runs his fingers through my hair and sighs. “We should get you out of here.”

“I’d like that, but I don’t know where I am.”

“Well I found you, I’m sure I can find the way back.” Craig begins walking through the forest and I grip his arm tighter.

He starts weaving around vines and branches, warning me of every hazard along the way. My hands never leave his arm. He navigates through the darkness like it was his home. I start to smell burning wood and sounds of laughter breaking through the branches of the trees. He pauses before we walk into the clearing.

“Did you want to go home, Tweek? You don’t seem very comfortable here.” He says, turning his blood shot gaze to me.

“…I’m sorry, Craig. I’m really not comfortable here. I don’t know why… Everything just… puts me on edge.” I say quietly.

“That’s fine, I wasn’t really feeling up to this either but… why did you agree to come?”

“Cause I knew you would be here.”

He gives me a half smile then turns to the clearing, “I’ll help you with the splinters on your back then drive you home. Sound good?”

I gaze up at him and smile, “Very.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the songs mentioned below are from the band "Amber Run" (hence the title of the story).  
> They're an amazing band and I encourage you to listen to some of their music ("Amen" is my favorite song, by the way).  
> Hope you like the chapter.

**Hey Tweek!**

I glance to my phone and raise my eyebrow.

**What’s up Token?**

**We’re going to have band practice today and can always use an audience. Wanna come by?**

**Sure? Is it okay with everyone?**

**Yeah they’re fine with it. Clyde’s pretty stoked. He said he can give you a ride.**

**So long as everyone is okay with it I guess…**

**Excellent! Clyde will pick you up at 3!**

At least I don’t have to worry about what to wear this time. My usual green button up dangles next to my other green button ups with all the hangers facing the same way. I brush out the folds from my white undershirt and pull my arms through the sleeves, careful to not snag the fabric on the band aids covering my arms and fingers. My combat boots sit next to my dresser with the laces loosely tied together. I finish dressing and catch a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror. My lifeless brown eyes beneath my wispy blond hair have permanent bags under them. I part my lips and looked down at my body, stick thin and pale as a ghost. My short stature and feminine features made me a prime target for bullies. The deep scar on my forehead from the crash doesn’t make me feel like a survivor, it makes me feel like a victim. A weakling. With all my efforts to look nice, I’m still that messy fourth grader, shaking uncontrollably and screeching at every perceived threat. I sigh and look down at my bandaged shaking fingers, they’re a reminder of who I was. Who I am. 

“Going out again, sweetie?” My mom greets me at the bottom of the stairs, flashing a bright smile.

“Yeah, Mom. I’ll be back late.”

She steps closer to me and wraps me in a warm hug. “Well, have a good time.” She releases me and a deafening horn startles me back into her.

I step away and turn my eyes down, waving as I walk outside. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling the frigid air on my neck. I squint to see if it’s really Clyde through the dark tinted windows. The window rolls down and Clyde sticks his smiling face out to me, “Ready, Tweek?”

I nod my head without a word and slide into the passenger seat of his clean red car.

The drive up the hill was short and quiet. I rest my head in my hand and stare pensive out the window. Token’s remarkable house comes into view and I feel an awkward sinking feeling, a remnant of the camping trip.

Clyde lifts himself out the car first and stretches out his arms, letting out a long sigh. I timidly unbuckle my seat and try not to slam the door on my way out. My combat boots crunch in the compacted snow and I hurry to keep up with Clyde as he snakes around the side yard. Behind the ice covered trees a rather large unit sits far into the back yard. The closer we approach the building, laughter and faint sounds of drum beats spill into the surrounding area. Clyde is first to arrive at the small door and throws it open, reveling a makeshift studio in what looks to have been a living room. The carpets have all been torn out and a myriad of posters hang crooked on green walls. There are two folding chairs on the far side of the room, a large ice chest between them. Stan sits on a short wooden stool staring intently at the drumstick spinning around his fingers. Token is on his knees next to a large speaker turning the knobs in a clockwise direction. Craig stands in between them both, beer in hand and a guitar slung around his shoulders. I cautiously make my way inside the studio, trying not to disturb anyone. Token and Stan turn around to us with a warm greeting. My eyes are fixated on Craig. Even with his back turned to me, I sense an uneasiness radiating from him. Clyde bounds straight to the folding chairs in the back and plops down, the chair rocks back under his weight. I quietly make my way to the chair next him. Craig glances down at me as I walk by. His blue, bloody eye follows me to my seat.

“Beer?” Clyde holds out a silver can to me with a grin. I gladly accept the wet can in hopes it will quell my anxiety.

“Okay,” Stan stops twirling his drum stick, “what are we playing first?”

Token stands and grabs his bass guitar from off its stand, “White Lie?”

“Yeah, I’m definitely feeling that one today.” Craig takes another drink of his beer before setting it down a few feet away from him.

I can’t tear my eyes away of Craig as his deft fingers begin strumming the first somber chords. Stan joins and I take in the feeling of synchrony as their music melts together in perfect harmony. Craig’s voice is subtle and smooth, a velvety whisper behind a curtain of sadness. For the first time, his face softens and serenity pours through every heartbreaking lyric. The rhythm flows through my body and connects on a level I have never felt before. Their music fills the small space without effort, taking me out of my own head into a relaxed state of bliss. The music fades and my body comes back to earth. My eyes drift up to Craig. He sings the last verse and his gaze meets mine. My breath gets stolen from my body.

“You wrote this?” I whisper, unable to break my stare.

“Craig did, yeah.” Clyde says, gulping down his beer.

 _That was… so sad._ My heart sinks thinking about what must have been going through his mind when he wrote this. Despite its beauty, there is an undeniable sorrow aching through every chord. Everyone around me chats about what song to play next, but my eyes are widened in awe. _They must have heard this song so many times it doesn’t affect them anymore._

“Let’s do 5AM!” Token adjusts his speaker again.

Craig rolls his eyes, “I’m not feeling piano today.”

Stan sits back on his stool, “Alaska?”

“That one is pretty much all me, maybe later.”

Clyde leans over to me, “Alaska is one of my favorites. You’ll be lucky to see him play it.”

I turn my attention back to Craig as they argue over which song to play next.

“Amen!” Stan shouts.

“That song ruins my voice.” Craig stares side-eyed at Stan, “Plus it’s just me and Token. I’m getting the feeling you just want to sit a few ones out, Stan.”

“No, man! I just think-“

“Okay, Okay.” Token pauses, “Darkness Has a Voice?”

Craig looks over at Stan and shrugs. “Okay, I’m down.”

The song starts with a faster tempo. Craig’s voice is harsher, louder. Even with the quickness of the song, there is still a desperation and need filling the small room. In the song’s feverish bridge both Stan and Craig’s foreheads glisten with sweat. The song stands in stark contrast to the one before. With such variation it becomes clear they have been playing together for a long time. As abruptly as the song started, it ended.

Clyde begins clapping loudly. I put the cold beer between my shaking knees and join him in the applause.

They play a few more songs and I feel myself becoming inebriated in my lame attempt to calm my racing heart.

“A-las-ka! A-las-ka!” I turn to Clyde as he claps his hands loudly in rhythm with his chanting.

I glance up at Craig standing stoic with his guitar still slung around his shoulders. He takes a sip of his beer and impales him with an unblinking glower.

“Come on dude,” Stan says from behind his drum set, “just play it so he will shut up.”

Craig pauses and takes another sip from his beer, “…Fine.”

Stan gets up slowly, rolling his shoulders as he walks over to us. Token unwraps his bass from around his shoulders and sets it back on its stand. They sit on the floor in front of us and each reach into the ice chest for another beer.

Craig snatches Stan’s stool from behind the drum set and intentionally scrapes it along the floor to the microphone. Craig takes a few steps back from his set up and sighs. He pauses briefly and chugs the rest of the beer he had left, throwing it haphazardly towards the trash, and missing it completely.

He sits down on the stool and glares at Clyde.

“You know I hate you, right?”

Clyde begins clapping his hands again with a giddy look on his face, letting out a loud whistle.

Craig’s face turns pink with a half grin, raising his middle finger to Clyde.

The song starts with just Craig’s naked vocals. His eyes closed and all I could focus on was his voice, so warm and comforting. Filled with an endearing passion. The few chords were simple accompanies that added to his voice without overpowering it. I could listen to him sing every day and I would never tire of his voice. All I wanted was to hold him, to know him. I can’t believe a simple song could evoke so much emotion from me. He strums his guitar one last time before singing the last verse. Letting the echo of his voice ring through my body.

He looks up and everyone begins applauding. I stay frozen in my seat with my lips parted, feeling my face flush. I turn to avoid his gaze so he wouldn’t see how moved I was.

Craig shifts awkwardly on the stool and rubs his hand behind his neck, averting his gaze down. “I think that should be all for today. I have some new stuff I’m working on. We can practice them next time.”

Token and Stan nod their heads and stand up from the ground, dusting off their clothing.

“So?” Clyde turns to me, “What did you think?”

“Craig is incredible.” I blurt out, feeling my cheeks warm.

“Oh gee thanks!” Token laughs from the other side of the room.

Thoroughly embarrassed, I glance up to Craig. He stands profile to me and places his guitar back on its stand. I can barely make out a small smile on his lips and as he turns away, I swear I saw his cheeks turn red. 

I struggle to keep up walking back to the main house. In my disjointed steps I realize that I am much more intoxicated than they are. I follow behind to hide my stumbling gait and arrive in the warm mansion that I have come to know so well. Craig heads straight to the kitchen while the others leisurely walk into the living room, chatting among themselves. I approach Clyde relaxing on the recliner, flipping to the sports channel. I stand by the TV, inadvertently raising an eyebrow to the images of men running back and forth with squeaking shoes.

“What’s for dinner Craig?!” Stan shouts from the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table.

“Nachos - I’m feeling lazy.” Craig replies.

I follow the sounds of dishing’s clanking and cupboards shutting to shamelessly stare at Craig as he dances around the kitchen. I sit on the barstool and rest my arms on the counter. _He must be here a lot to know the kitchen so well._

I watch him reach into the fridge and grab bags of produce, traces of reds, greens, and whites visible through the translucent sacks. Setting them on the counter he reaches back with his long arm and twists a handle on the oven. From the nearby drawer he pulls out a cutting board and sets it down in front of me, looking up with a crooked smile.

“Hey Tweek.”

My face heats up staring into his deep cobalt eyes. Even with the painfully look hemorrhage bleeding around his iris- he is still the most attractive person I’ve ever seen.

I continue to admire him, speechless. He grabs a knife from the block and begins skillfully dicing the produce.

“Did you enjoy watching us practice?”

The obvious question snaps me back to the present, “Absolutely… you’re all so talented. I don’t know why you said you guys sucked.”

Craig continues looking down at the colorful vegetables and smiles softly, “They really don’t suck, I suck.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re extremely talented, Craig. Even if you don’t see it, I do. I’d love to see you guys perform one day.”

I hear him chuckle through the rhythmic dicing between us. “I don’t think any of us have the discipline for that.”

I shrug my shoulders, “I’ll be in the front row if you ever do.”

“Thanks, Tweek.” He puts the knife down by the cutting board and gazes up at me with an irresistible stare. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He turns from me with the diced vegetables and goes to the baking pan of chips. I feel a certain calmness envelope me and a weight lift from my shoulders. The heat from the open oven drifts over to me and surrounds me in warmth.

“Say,” He turns back to me with a burning gaze, “what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Uhm. Nothing really. I used to work at the coffee shop on weekends but I can’t stand for very long now.”

He shifts his eyes and a pained expression moves across his face.

_Shit. I probably shouldn’t mention that anymore._

“Well, would you like to go to the farmer’s market with me then?” His intense eyes flick back up to meet my gaze.

“Uh, sure. Why the farmer’s market?”

He turns to the oven and peers through the window, “I normally come over here on Sundays and cook a nice meal for Token and Clyde. Fresh produce makes a big difference. Those two will just eat ramen and uncooked hotdogs if I don’t come over.”

Craig picks up a towel from the counter and pulls the food from the oven and places it on a nearby hot plate. He grabs five porcelain plates from a cupboard and glances back at me.

“Mind divvying this up for me?”

I rush to his side and start serving up the food.

“7am?”

“What?”

“The farmer’s market.” He looks at me from the corner of his eye.

“Oh yeah, I’ll be ready.”

A small smile returns to his face and he says softly, “See you then.”

He begins walking to the living room, “Dinner’s ready guys!”


	12. Chapter 12

6:30AM. The days have been getting shorter, the nights longer. A carpet of fallen leaves lay beneath the nearly barren trees outside my window. I wrap the comforter around my shoulders and drag myself to the closet. I never have to think about what to wear anymore. It’s all the same. Reluctantly, I put the comforter back on my bed and throw on the usual garments. Before I leave I check that my room is orderly and presentable, avoiding the mirror on the way out. I pass the hallway closet and stop to check if there is anything inside to shield me from the cold. There is an old green moth eaten parka pushed to one side of the closet that appears much too big for my scrawny frame. I fight through the obnoxious brightly colored jackets to the muted green parka. I slide my arms through its musty sleeves and remind myself it’s only to keep me warm.

I grab onto the rail with my trembling hands and walk quietly down the stairs to the living room. The large clock in the kitchen reads 6:45AM. I perch myself on the couch with my eyes glued to the clock. My knee taps and my heart beats in uneven paces in anticipation of Craig’s arrival. I stand up abruptly and head the bathroom. _Lorazepram time_. I put two on my tongue and cup my hand under the running faucet to wash them down. I look up into the mirror in front of me and with a wet hand, try to tame my disorderly hair. With no luck, I leave the bathroom and wait for the pills to kick in. I lower myself on the couch then shoot up at the sound of a light knock on the door. With shaking knees I unlock the door and crack it open. Craig stands in front of me and his eyes slowly lift to meet mine. A burst of fresh, cold air from outside rushes through me, making the hair on the back of my neck rise. He is dressed all in black with a gray scarf wrapped loosely around his neck, topped with his black beanie that I’ve come to love. His hemorrhage looks better, just a pool of blood sitting in the corner of his eye.

“Ready to go?”

“You brought your car?”

He turns to his compact blue car, “Yeah,” he says still staring at the car, “I figured you might get tired walking the whole way. Plus I didn’t want the produce getting crushed walking to Tokens.” His eyes drift back to mine, “Wanna hop in?”

I nod and follow Craig to his car. He slides into the driver’s seat and unlocks the car for me from the inside. I open the door and get hit with the smell of cigarettes. The inside of his car is as beat up as it is on the outside. The cloth seats have begun to peel and the steering wheel is worn down to reveal gray patches. Cigarettes stick out of the ashtray and ash sits at the bottom of the cup holders. Before I have time to buckle my seat belt, the car accelerates with a jolt and we fly down the residential area, the engine wines trying to keep up. In a matter of minutes, I look out at a gathering of people bustling around a closed off street. Craig easily finds a parking spot next to the closest stall. I climb out of the car as vendors’ are still unloading goods from their trucks. Craig reaches into the back and steps out with a burlap sack.

I follow closely behind him and take in the beauty and culture around us. Fresh cut flowers with morning dew shining on the petals, a stall of homemade honey in unlabeled mason jars, and a group of content looking young people sitting quietly with smiles on their faces, knitting scarfs and hats. Other customers have started to arrive, making for a bustling but surprisingly comfortable atmosphere. I glance up at Craig, his sights fixed on a stall several feet away.

He stops right in front of a stall featuring colorful produce, most of which I have never seen before.

“Good morning, Craig!”

Craig looks up and smiles warmly at the woman, “Good morning, Jen. How is Howard doing?”

“He is doing much better, we’re lucky we caught his stroke early. He’s expected to make a full recovery. I know he already wants to get back to working on the farm.” She says with a giggle.

“Sounds like Howard.” Craig lets out a small laugh, “Let him know I’m thinking about him, Jen.”

“I will.” The woman leans over and turns her attention to me, “Is this a new friend?”

I step from behind Craig and give the woman a small smile and a wave. _I feel like a five year old standing behind their mother._

“Yeah, this is Tweek.” Craig says without lifting his head.

“Oh! Tweek like from 'Tweek’s Coffee'?”

“Yeah, my parent’s run it now though.”

“Well, it’s wonderful to meet you, Tweek!” Jen glances over to Craig, still leaning six inches away from all the produce with his brows furrowed.

“See anything you like?” Jen says, putting her hands on her hips.

“Everything really, but I’m on a budget today.” He looks up at her with a sincere smiles. “I’ll take 5 stocks of celery, 10 carrots, and are those peas in the shell?”

“You bet!”

“I’ll take a half a pound then.”

Craig takes out 3 reusable mesh bags from his burlap sack and hands them to the woman. She delicately places them into the bag and hands them back to him.

“Here you are, Craig! See you next week!”

“It was nice meeting you too, Tweek.” She waves as we walk away and I give her a small wave back.

Craig continues to make his way through the maze of stalls with me trailing close behind.

He turns his attention back to me, “Want some coffee, Tweek?”

I look up at him and nod excitedly.

Even from two stalls away I can hear the telltale hiss of an espresso machine and the rich aroma of freshly ground coffee beans drifting towards me.

Craig stands in the short line with me by his side.

“What would you like?” Craig asks, leaning over to me.

“Black coffee. My usual.”

He chuckles, “Mine too.”

We step forward to the front of the line and see with an excited looking brown haired boy with a big smile on his face looking at Craig, I notice that he is the only person at the stall.

“Good morning, guys! What will it be?”

“Two medium black coffees, please.” Craig smiles back at the barista and slides a five dollar bill onto the wooden counter and puts a dollar in his make shift tip jar.  
“Comin’ right up Craig!”

_Does everyone know him here?!_

As quickly as we ordered, 2 cups of hot black coffee appear in front of us. I had never seen cups like this before. All brown with recycling stamps posted over everything.

“T-thanks Craig.” I manage to stutter, slowly sipping the rich warm coffee.

“No problem. I figure if I get you up early there better be coffee involved.” He looks down at me with a hint of a smile.

We continue making our way through the market, I try to preserve this moment - warm coffee, cold morning… Craig by my side.

He visits a few more stalls filled with friendly people who know his name. He places more produce in his ever expanding bag. By the time I start feeling my breath shorten and my knees ache, we’ve made our way back to the car.

“Mind if we make one more stop? It’s not far.” He asks.

Despite my tired knees and aching joints I nod affirmatively. I enjoy spending too much time with him to stop now. I finish my last sip of coffee and Craig unlocks his door to put the bag in the back of the car. I look around frantically for a trash can but with no luck, I stick my empty cup in the ashen cup holder in his car.

He slams the door shut and brings his eyes up to mine. “Did you lock your door when we got here?”

“N-No sorry, I forgot.” I stammer.

He gives me a half smile, “That’s fine, it’s not like I have anything worth stealing anyways.”

I make sure I lock the door this time then join Craig by his side. He points to a shop across the street and we make our way over to the crosswalk. The flashing walk sign lights up and as I step into the street, Craig strides to my side, keeping pace with me as we cross the street.

A bell chimes when we walk into the cold shop. Red meats line the counter under a clean glass casing, I take in the entirety of the room with wide eyes. _I didn’t even know South Park had a butcher shop._ A rosy large man in a stained white apron crosses to us behind thick plastic drapes. His eyes land on Craig and the large man’s red face breaks into a wide smile. “Craig, my boy! God damn kid what happened to your face?!”

Craig doesn’t look up but his eyes scan the meats behind the counter. “I fell down, you know how clumsy I am.”

The butcher lets out a booming laugh. “If that ain’t that the truth! So, anything catch your eye? No pun intended!” The butcher says, letting out another boisterous laugh.

Craig slightly smiles then looks up at the butcher, “I’ll take 5lb of chick breasts and 2lbs of that sirloin steak.”

“Oh yeah that steak has been popular. Got a hot date coming up?”

“Nah, it’s for my sister.”

The butcher shrugs and begins wrapping the meat in brown paper. “You sure do spoil her ya know?’

“She deserves it.”

The butcher finishes wrapping the meat and Craig slides his money onto the counter.

“Here you are, have a good one Walt.” Craig smiles lightly at the large man.

“See you next time, Craig!”

We walk out of the butcher shop and back into the cold. “Everyone seems to know you, Craig.”

He glides closer to me when I put my foot into the crosswalk and shrugs, “They’re good people.”

Getting back to the car, Craig puts the meat on the opposite side of the produce and reaches over to unlock my door.

“To Token’s?” I ask looking up at him.

“Yup.” Craig puts his car in gear and takes off down the road to Token’s house.


	13. Chapter 13

The drive way is empty and the barren trees move ever so slightly in the cold breeze. The wind howls through the large gates of the mansion but everything else is silent. No cars down the street, no chattering of neighbors, no sounds of dogs in the distance. Craig digs around under the welcome mat with his large bags wrapped around his arm. I wander closer as he pulls out a shiny key from under the mat.

_With a house this big you would think they’d have a better hiding spot._

Craig unlocks the door and pushes it open with his shoulder. I follow him inside and get thrown into the pitch-black house. There are no windows, the entire room is drenched in darkness. I can’t even make out the couch from where I’m standing. I don’t know the place well enough to locate where any of the switches are so I grope around the embossed walls in search for it, careful to avoid any picture frames I vaguely remember being there. A burst of light illuminates the room and my eyes take a minute to adjust. When I’m finally able to focus, Craig is standing in the foyer with a finger on the switch, staring back at me with a raised brow. He swiftly moves back to the kitchen and places all his produce into the fridge before pulling a large crock pot off of a shelf. I walk over to him and watch him make his way around the kitchen. He pulls some cans off of the shelf and places the crockpot in front of me as I sit on the bar stool.

“I hate using canned anything,” he says opening a can of cream of chicken, “but this stuff isn’t bad. Plus I’m actually incredibly lazy.”

I rest my elbows on the counter and watch him cook, having very little idea of what exactly he’s doing. He moves around the kitchen with ease, focused on preparing the meal he had planned for his friends. He finishes it off by throwing the herbs from the farmers market on top before closing the lid.

“What are you making?”

“Chicken dumplings.” He replies without looking up.

He puts a damp cloth over a plate of dough and walks back over, turning a knob on the crock pot then leaning on the counter. His charming face smiling warmly back at me.

“Care to smoke, Tweek?”

_God I love it when he says my name._

“Yeah, s-sure.”

Fidgeting with the sleeve of my shirt, I shuffle to the enormous couch and sit at the very end. Craig grabs the tray from the nearby closet and places himself next to me. I watch as his long nimble fingers roll the pungent flowers into the thin paper with great care. He holds the paper to his lips and licks the ends to seal it shut. Picking up the lighter from the tray he leans his head back and ignites the tip, a hit of a flame burns bright before extinguishing. Letting out a smoke filled breath he passes the joint to me. I have become used to smoking at this point and take a deep breath into my lungs, holding it in before I exhale at a steady pace. Craig reaches out for the remote on the coffee table, flipping the channel to “Red Racer”. With trembling hands I return to joint to Craig. He peers down and gives me a boyish smile. He switches the joint into his left hand and moves his body closer to mine, erasing the distance between us. I feel his right arm come to rest on my shoulder and my eyes softly close taking in his aromatic scent, my face burns scarlet breathing him in. Through the smoke filled air I make out the faint outline of the joint. I take it into my thumb and index finger, inhaling the smoke deeply into my body. As I exhale, my lungs tighten and I begin to violently cough, awkwardly sputtering, careful not to drop the joint still in my hand. Craig leans over and plucks the joint from my fingers with a chuckle.

“Do you want some water, Tweek?”

“I’m okay,” I respond, trying to catch my breath, “but coffee would be nice.”

Craig pulls his arm from my shoulder and takes another hit before extinguishing the joint in the ashtray.

I stay frozen in my seat, trying my best not to cough.

“I’ll be right back.” I glance over to him pulling out a small bottle from his bag. He tosses the bottle in his hand then snatches it out of the air and walks into the bathroom.

I manage to catch my breath and put my hand on my head, leaving me with my thoughts and the moving images of ‘Red Racer’ in front of me.

_Fuck. I can’t believe I ruined that moment._

Craig returns from the bathroom, rubbing his bad eye and walking into the kitchen. I shift my weight on the couch and try to relax my body. He reaches out to me with a coffee cup and a half smile.

“Thanks.” I murmur.

“No problem.” He leans back on the couch, letting out a small sigh, “Let me know if you need anything else.”

His arm wraps around my shaking shoulder, calming my fried nerves. Instinctively, my head relaxes onto his warm shoulder. In that moment, I swear he could hear my heart racing. The sound of the TV falls into a faint whisper and the feeling of weightlessness takes over my body. I breathe in his intoxicating scent of pine, sweat and cigarettes. His aroma was like a drug, I wanted to stay this way forever. I closed my eyes and feel his soft breathing move against me, a gentle rocking.

“Tweek?”

My eyes flutter open to a pair of impossibly vivid eyes. I feel a soft brushing through my blonde hair.

“We have to add the vegetables now.”

I lift my head from Craig’s lap and brush the sleep from my eyes. “How long was I out?”

Craig shrugs and moves lightly from the couch towards the kitchen, “Your head fell into my lap a couple of hours ago.”

A rush of warmth floods my face and my eyes dart to the corner of the room.

“You wanna help me out?” He asks from across the room.

With weak knees, I rise from the couch to join him in the kitchen. He grabs a cutting board and places four stalks of celery on top of it.

“If you could dice these up that’d be a big help. I need to shred the chicken.” He turns his back to me. Leaving me face to face with the mysterious vegetable.

_Oh god. I’ve never done this before._

I take the knife into my hand and glower at the challenge in front of me. I line the stalks up side by side and begin dicing the leaves on top.

 _Okay, this isn’t too bad_. I take an individual stalk and very carefully slice them into long, thin strips. _I wonder how these are supposed to fit in the crock pot?_

After painstakingly slicing the celery I rub my cramped hand and turn to Craig.  


“All done. Is there anything else you need?” Craig dumps the shredded chicken back into the pot and turns to me to grab the celery. A look of shock and surprise overtakes his expression, the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile that envelopes his face. His contagious laugh was heard echoing throughout the empty house, his eyes brimming with tears of mirth. _I definitely did something wrong._ He crosses his arms around his stomach and tries to catch his breath.

“How about you roll the dough into 2 inch balls, Tweek?” He finally manages to say, struggling to regain his composure.

I timidly grab the dough from the counter and sit on the barstool in front of him. _I definitely did something wrong, but I’d do it again just to hear him laugh._

Somehow I manage to successfully roll the dough the way he asked and I’m left watching him work. He quickly dices the vegetables and grabs more seasonings from the cupboards. It’s obvious he has done this many times. He adds all the produce as well as my odd contribution into the pot and shuts the lid.

“We’ve got about 3 hours until it’s done. I’m going to head out for a smoke.” Craig starts to leave and I take a final look around the kitchen. The whole area is spotless. There is a gentle hum coming from the dishwasher and the counter tops are immaculate.

 _Craig must cook a lot._ I take in the rich smell of food wafting through the air and plop back down on the couch. I lean my head back and find myself smiling. _This is the best day I’ve ever had._ It’s weird thinking back just a few months ago I had no idea he would end up meaning so much to me. The smell of cigarettes grabs my attention and I turn my head to Craig coming back inside. He stuffs his pack of cigarettes in his pocket and joins me on the couch. The TV is still playing Red Racer and Craig’s eyes are glued to the screen. He brushes his hand down my leg then lays it to rest upon my knee. I stare up at him in admiration but the red spot on his eye still haunts me. It has faded considerably since the camping trip but a painful looking pool of blood still sits in the corner. Without thinking, I reach my hand up and brush his cheek with the back of my fingers. He glances down at me with a soft expression. 

“Craig?”

“Hmm?”

My mouth dries and I pause to work up the courage to ask the question I already know the answer to.

“I know you didn’t want to respond on the camping trip but… what really happened to your eye?”

His body tenses shifting away from me. The smile that once graced his face fades and his expression becomes void of any emotion. His eyes harden and he stares straight at the TV, lips forming a harsh line. The carefree atmosphere we’ve enjoyed today darkens and my stomach starts churning.

“Monday morning, my sister Tricia was heading to school with a little bit of makeup on. Just some eye shadow or something... Unsurprisingly, my dad was already belligerent. I heard screaming coming from downstairs, he was calling her a “slut” and a “whore”…. I ran down there as fast as I could but he already had put his hands on her. He was grabbing her shoulders and shaking her as she sobbed... Tricia never does anything wrong, she shouldn’t keep being put in these situations.”

He looks down and rests his elbows on his knees, “I got in between them and started yelling at him. I always know what buttons to push with my dad…. Tricia managed to slip out of the house, but I was trapped there. I knew that would happen. My dad was enraged. I don’t know what he was yelling about. It didn’t really matter anyways. I remember him hitting me a few times… I think my head smashed into a picture frame on the wall… I was covered in glass by the time I woke up. I can never remember exactly what happens… It’s just a blur of pain then I can’t go back to school for a few days.”

His eyes draw back up to the TV, biting his lip. His knee starts tapping as he lets out a sigh.

I shut my eyes to hold back the tears building behind them. My chest tightens and I clench my fists, trying not to let my emotions overtake me. I let out a pained exhale. I try to stay still but whole body trembles. My lips shake looking down, unable to hide the hitched breath that escapes me.

His warm hand slides into mine, intertwining our fingers together for the first time.

“My sister got out okay.”

I gaze up at him with watery eyes, shoulders still shaking and gasping to breathe in air. He smiles warmly and brushes his thumb across my cheekbone.

I gently close my eyes and lean my head on his shoulder, “You deserve better.” I whisper.

Craig says nothing and rests his head on mine with a low hum. We stay this way until sleep overtakes us both.


	14. Chapter 14

“Damn dude that smells amazing!” 

My eyes fly open at the sound of Clyde’s booming voice. I jump up in my seat and wipe my clammy hands on my pants, avoiding all eye contact with Clyde. Craig slowly opens his eyes and rises to greet him.

“Thanks man, it’s pretty much done at this point.” Craig rubs the back of his neck and digs around in his jacket pocket.

“Oh! Hey ya, Tweek!”

I tear my eyes away from the side of the room and tip the corner of my mouth into a small smile.

“I’m going out for a smoke guys, be back in a bit.”

Clyde meanders to the couch and rests his feet up on the coffee table in front of me.

“Having a good day, Tweek?” Clyde turns to me with a lopsided grin.

“Y-yeah, it’s been a relaxing day.”

Clyde lets out a long sigh and starts flipping through the channels, “Craig’s a great guy once you get to know him. I know he can be cold sometimes but when he lets his guard down, he’s actually pretty passionate and caring.” He sits back on the couch and puts his hands behind his head.

My mouth opens to respond. I look about the room and try to string the words together. I want to tell him how special I think he is, the way he protects the people around him, always putting their happiness before his. I want to tell him how warm I feel whenever he lights up and talks about something he loves. The way he notices the little things people do, how he wraps them in serenity. I want to tell him how his small smile brightens up the darkest of rooms… how it brightens up my day. Speechless and breathless, all I do is nod.

A faint buzz vibrating the couch pulls me from my thoughts. Clyde whips out his phone from his letterman jacket and spins it in his hand. He glances down and smiles ear to ear, “I hope Craig made a lot of food.” He murmurs.

As if on cue, Craig emerges from outside only to be bombarded by Clyde’s boisterous yell, “Dude! Red’s coming over!”

From the other side of the room I hear a faint groan. “I’m not making any extra food.”

Clyde raises his hands in the air, “Fair, fair.”

Craig strides into the kitchen and reaches into the liquor cabinet above the fridge, pulling down a green glass bottle.

“Oh I want some!” Clyde shoots up from the couch in a hurry and bounds to the kitchen.

Craig is already downing his first drink as Clyde approaches him, shot glass at the ready.

“Yo, Tweek! Ya want some?!” Cylde shouts, pouring himself a shot.

“Uh, maybe.” I rise and drag my feet towards the kitchen.

“Want me to make you something?” Craig leans forward on his elbows and stares up at me with the face of an angel.

I freeze and my heart stumbles before finding its rhythm once again, “S-sure.”

_How can I say no to a face like that?_

Craig downs another shot then grabs several bottles from the liquor cabinet. He takes a large mug by the kitchen’s coffee bar and pours a small amount of coffee into it. Adding a strange combination of alcohols. He digs in the fridge for a carton of heavy creamer and brings it over. Giving the drink a light stir before placing it delicately in front of me. He positions himself against the bar and gazes down at me with a charming smile, watching me as I take my first sip. _Damn he’s good at this._ The drink is warm and rich, the feeling of alcohol seeps into my stomach but only the taste of coffee lingers on my tongue.

“It’s wonderful, Craig. Thank you.” I take another sip to hide my sheepish grin.

“Anytime.” He beams.

“Hey guys!”

Token enters the room with a wide grin. Behind him, a dolled up Red tucks her hair behind her ear, eyes automatically drawn to Craig. She is wearing tight black leggings under a sequence green dress. She arches her back and hangs her coat on the hanger.

“Let me guess,” Red’s basilisk green eyes tear into to Craig, “Craig is the one cooking, it smells so good I can already taste it in my mouth.” She licks her lips and a brazen grin plays across her face.

Craig stares expressionless at Red and takes another shot.

“Hey babe!” Clyde rushes to Red’s side. He moves in to kiss her then she cocks her head to the side, leaving Clyde to only land a peck on her cheek. Clyde detaches himself from Red and places his hand at her waist, staring at her with eyes of admiration.

Red’s eyes never leave Craig’s face. She swings her hips into the kitchen and lays her arms to rest on the counter. She bends her waist forward and presses her chest onto it, leaning shamelessly into Craig.

“Do you think you could make me a drink Craig? I heard you’re the best.” She says breathlessly.

Craig continues to maintain eye contact with her and haphazardly slides the green bottle to Red. He steps back from the kitchen and strides towards the couch. I timidly follow and glance back at Red. Her eyes are still transfixed on Craig as she throws her head back, taking a shot. _What is with this lady?!_

I hold my coffee drink close to my chest and lower myself on the couch next to Craig.

“Food’s ready you guys, help yourselves.” Craig says monotone.

A chatter of excitement fills the kitchen and sounds of dishes clanking together escalate their muffled voices. I glance up at Craig staring motionless in front of the TV.  
“You should get some Tweek. It won’t last very long.” His eyes flick to me with an unreadable expression.

I set my coffee on the table and stand up. “Don’t you want some?”

“No. I’m not hungry.”

I make my way into the kitchen and stand behind Token, waiting my turn to serve myself the food we spent all day making. I pour a ladle full of the delicious smelling crock pot dish into a bowl and return to my seat, careful not to spill on my way over. As my knees bend to sit down, a cold pressure pushes me to the side with a whiff of perfume crossing me. Air leaves my lungs and I crash into the couch with a thud, boiling hot liquid spilling over my hands. I tear my eyes up to Craig then squirm in my seat, realizing Red had pushed her way between us. Craig shifts uncomfortably in his seat and leans on the arm rest of the couch. Clyde raises the feet up on his recliner, and continues flipping through the channels. Token sits with his legs tucked under him on the couch and I peer past Red, seeing Craig push himself further into the arm rest. I wipe my burning hand onto my pants and try to focus on the food, warm doughy dumplings soaked in a chicken broth, a colorful array of soft vegetables, accompanied by some stringy celery noodles. I close my eyes and remember the day we spent at the market and napping on the couch together. I am able to tune out the obnoxious sitcom on TV and the looming presence of Red next to me, just trying to focus on the good things.

“I’m going to head to bed. I’m not feeling well.” My eyes snap open. Craig rises from his seat and his bright eyes connect with mine as he ascends up the spiral staircase.

“Feel better soon, dude!” Clyde yells, unable to look away from the TV.

Red shoots up from her seat, “I can bring you some tea or crackers, Craig!”

“No.” He yells, slamming a door behind him.

I stay glued to the couch wringing my shaky hands, trying to think of an excuse to leave.

“You know,” all eyes turn to me, I stare straight ahead and the tips of my ears turn red, “I feel like I need to vomit. I’m going to go lay down now.”

I keep my eyes forward and begin walking up the staircase.

“Don’t hurl on the sheets, Tweek. I don’t want to clean that up.”

I wave my hand to Token, reaching the landing of the stairs. _4th door from the stairs. Best room. He’s got to be in there._

My hand trembles twisting the handle of the door and softly pushing it open. In the well lit room Craig is laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

“Lock the door.”

Obediently, I twist the lock. He lays there stoic and calm. I slowly inch towards him, feeling my heart beat faster with every step.

“That girl gives me the creeps.” He mutters.

“She is very attractive.” I say, sitting down on the bed next to him.

He rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Not my type.”

I wring my sweaty hands together and glance down at him, “So… What is your type?”

His arm reaches around my waist and pulls me onto his chest. I close my eyes and feel the flutter of his heart against my cheek.

“I don’t think Clyde realizes she is flirting with you.”

He stifles a laugh underneath me. “I love Clyde - but he isn’t the brightest.”

I chuckle and turn my head into his chest.

We sit in comfortable silence as he slowly begins to brush my arm. I pull myself up and feel the length of his body against mine. He gazes up at me with his intense blue eyes, tracking their way down my face, stopping at my lips. I lean into him and gently press my lips to his. His warm hand reaches up and caresses my cheek and his fingers run through my hair. A wave of warmth surrounds me as my tongue darts to meet his. His breathing hitches and I suck in his moans, further pressing my body against his. In a desperate need to feel closer to him I pull back and remove my button up. As I stand over him I admire the boy under me, coal black hair contrasting his pale skin, bright blue eyes aflame with life, and full lips quivering with a desire only I can fill. I climb on top of him, pinning him between my arms. I kiss him deeply and tug at the sleeves of his jacket. He slides his right arm out and presses his hand to my cheek gently stroking his thumb on my cheekbone. My lips move down his neck and I breathe in his dizzying aroma. My teeth graze the side of his neck and I feel him gasp against my lips. I trace my hand down his body, feeling every heartbeat, every gasp for air, exactly how tight his pants have become. Craving to feel his skin against mine I pull on the sleeve of his jacket until he tosses it to the ground. I run my hands up his arms and burry my head in his neck. As my fingers trace up his arm, an unusual curve on his skin makes me pull away. I glance down to see a horrible scar running up his forearm. I can’t hide my look of shock and my eyes flick to him. Craig turns away from me, clenching his jaw.

“Craig?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He says sternly.

I glance back over to his arm and my stomach twists into knots.

“Can’t we just go back to what we were doing?” He turns and reaches up to me, kissing me on the lips.

I half-heartily kiss him back, unable to tear my eyes away from the jagged, raised scar.

He pulls away and I feel him staring, “You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“I don’t think I can.” I whisper.

He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Well I’ve lost my boner now so I guess this is as good a time as any.”

I roll over next to him, unable to change my expression.

He lets out a long sigh and stares glassy eyed at the ceiling, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. 

“It was 8 or 9 months ago. I found a box cutter in the garage and took it into my bathroom with me. I locked the door and stepped into the bathtub... I didn’t want anyone to have any trouble cleaning up after me.”

His voice is monotone. He brings his arms down, twisting his wrist in his hand, “I sliced all the way from my wrist to my forearm… It worked pretty well actually. There was a lot of blood then I started losing consciousness after a few minutes. I felt my feet slip and I fell into the tub, hitting my head on the way down. My arm ached but I felt strangely at peace... Clyde must have come over about the same time. I vaguely remember pounding on the door then the sound of someone breaking in. I don’t even know how he knew. I guess when you’ve been friends with someone for so long they just know these things.” He bites his lip and his breathing picks up.  
“I remember waking up and seeing my arm crudely wrapped and positioned above my head. Clyde was frantically digging through the med kit. I slid my arm down and started tearing off the wrapping. He put it back on and yelled something at me. I couldn’t hear him. I wasn’t able to focus on anything. I didn’t have the strength to fight back anyways. I remember feeling how sticky and warm my clothes were. I was hoping that was it. I woke back up as he was putting steri strips on it to keep it closed…” 

He breathes out a laugh, but sadness weighs down his words, “I am successful at a lot of things. Just not this.”

“I must have passed out again since it was night time when I woke back up. I just saw Clyde sitting on the floor beside me with his head in his hands… I still feel bad for putting him through all this. I wish I had died, even if it was just to avoid seeing him that way.” His voice got quieter with every word, his eyes fall to the floor. I could barely hear him breathing.

I stared at him wide-eyed, my hands covering my mouth to keep him from hearing my hitched breaths. I lower my hands and reach out to him. My fingers seeking out his warm hands, “I’m glad you’re here.” My voice shakes, “I’m glad I was able to meet you.”

I find his hands and wrap them in mine. They shake softly, as mine often do. I hold them tighter until they still. I move my hand to caress his cheek, to calm his mind. He turns to me with his eyes still lowered, his breaths shallow.

“Craig?”

He turns towards me with misty eyes. I crawl on top of him and stare deeply into him. I slide my hand up his damaged arm and draw his beautiful wrist to my lips. He gazes back at me with labored breaths then slides his hand around my neck and pulls me down to the softness of his mouth. As my lips meet his I feel the whole world fade away. His body moves rhythmically undermine, as I brush against his warm skin, my blood quickens. He breathes in deeply and exhales a warm breath on my neck. I lower my body closer into him as he murmurs sweet words into my neck. He moves his hand down my waist and grazes his hand up under my shirt. I close my eyes and lean into him to taste the sweetness of his mouth. His heart pounds in his chest next to me as his hips move up towards mine. I pull back and remove my undershirt as he does the same. I’m left staring at his perfect body. I run my cool hands up his toned torso and trace the shape of his clavicle with my shaking fingers. I lower my head and place a kiss at the base of his throat. Heat courses through my veins and my body throbs. His hand slides down my waist and his experienced fingers begin to deftly unbutton my pants. His warm hand begins to stroke me and I let out a small moan. My lips thirst for his mouth. I graze my lips up his jawline and hear his breathing pick up. His grip on me grows firmer and I rock my hips into his hand, letting out a gasping moan. I trace my thumb across his lips and feel him smile under me. I lean down and kiss the corner of his mouth. A familiar rush of heat floods my body and I am left gasping for air in uneven sighs. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and breathe in his scent. Craig’s nimble fingers slip through the opening of my boxers and his soft, warm hands stroke me with delicate care. My eyes close and lips part instinctively. He holds my face with his free hand and slips his sweet tongue in my mouth, drawing out a heady moan. His pace around me intensifies and a tingling sensation radiates throughout my body. I grip the sheets around him and arch my back, trying to hold back the pressure building inside of me. He kisses my neck and exhales a shaky warm breath on to me, sending shivers up my curved spine. An uncontrollable wave of warmth sweeps through me and hide my face in his chest. I moan loudly into him as his last stroke brings me to climax in a burst of pleasure. Feeling light headed and relieved, I collapse on top of him. He strokes my head and runs his fingers through my hair. The feeling of his chest rising and falling calms my labored breathing and I close my eyes to the sounds of his beating heart. 

“Shower?” My eyes flicker open and recall what had just happened. I raise my body and his hand falls from my head. I look down between us and realize why he had suggested a shower. My heart jumps from my chest and I scramble off of him, pulling my knees to my chest and lowering my head.

“I’ll go get the water started.” he says with a chuckle, tousling my hair as he passes by.

 _I can’t believe I came on him then fell asleep._ I wrap my arms around my knees and curl into a ball, completely consumed by embarrassment.

“Care to join?”

I peek up from between my knees and see an unclothed, handsome boy leaning casually in the door way. His long legs and lean muscles make my heart race and flood my face with heat. As I stare at his virile body he flashes me an affectionate smile. He is truly a delight to behold. I can’t take my eyes off of him as I reach out for his hand, absolutely captivated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. Finally some smut.


	15. Chapter 15

I sit up and rub the sand out of my eyes. _What time is it?_ I reach down into the cold mess of sheets next to me and search the floor for my clothes. The memories from last night fall upon my heart. I pull my hands up to my eyes and let out a shaky sigh. There is something beautiful in the way he holds himself together when his life is trying to break him down. He seals the wounds of those around him without realizing he is the one bleeding. He didn’t deserve the life he’s been handed, yet there is grace in every breath he takes. _No wonder he is the way that he is._ I pull on the clothes from the night before that lay crumpled on the floor, trying to button my shirt with shaking hands. The mouthwatering scent of bacon draws me down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

Craig is seated on the barstool in front of me, staring impassively at the stove. My shuffling footsteps alert him to my presence and he swivels in his chair towards me. His gentle smile makes his eyes shine and he approaches me in a pair of baggy sweatpants. His signature black jacket lays unzipped, draping over his lissome body. He pulls me into his long arms and kisses me softly on the top of my head. _I always forget how tall his is._ His hand slides down into mine, guiding me into the kitchen.

“Coffee, Tweek?”

My lips quirk up into a smile, “That sounds good.”

He walks into the kitchen and begins pouring coffee into a large white mug. I seat myself on one of the bar stools, staring dreamily at him as he puts the cup in front of me. Craig stands opposite of me leaning into the counter, resting his chin on his palm. I study him and take my first sip of coffee.

“What?”

“Oh nothing,” he pushes back from the counter and tilts his head with a crooked smile, “you’re just cute is all.”

I bring the cup up to my face to hide the redness that’s invaded my cheeks. _This all feels like a dream I’m eventually going to wake up from._

A small squeak grabs my attention. By the time I turn around the floor beneath me begins to rattle. A large man with broad shoulders bounds down the stairs. _Clyde’s up early._

“What’s cooking, Craig?”

Craig’s eyes linger on my lips before glancing towards Clyde, “Eggs benny.”

“I’ll take three!”

Craig turns to the stove and grabs 3 eggs from the nearby basket, gently cracking them open with one hand into the skillet.

“Mind cooking one for me, Craig? All your food just warms me up.” Red appears from behind Clyde and draws herself closer to Craig.

Craig is silent as he grabs another egg from the basket.

“Did you want any, Tweek? Sorry, I forgot to ask.” Craig says turning to me.

“No, I’m fine with just coffee.”

Craig shrugs with a hint of a smile then focuses his attention back to the stove.

“Now, Tweek.” Red sweeps into the stool next to me, her feline green eyes focused in on me, “You need to eat more. Only drinking coffee will keep you as the skinny, shaky boy you are now. Just look at Craig and Clyde. They’re strong and muscular, the kind of men girls want to be with.” She purrs.

Clyde looks sideways at her in blank confusion and I hear Craig zip up his jacket.

“Thanks, Red…I’ll remember that.” I mutter, looking down at my hands.

I know she meant to be vindictive with her words, but I can’t seem to shake them from my mind. _Maybe I will always be this way. Maybe I’ll never be attractive - only tearful and broken. Maybe everyone is just being nice because they feel sorry for me… Maybe even Craig too._

Token appears out of the master bedroom, breaking the tense atmosphere. “Smells good, Craig!”

Craig turns around with two plates in his hands and slides them on the counter to Red and Clyde.

“Thanks.” Craig says, shooting Red a dagger-sharp scowl before glancing at Token. “How many did you want?”

“One, please!”

Craig turns on his heels and returns to the stove.

Token parks himself on the last stool at the counter and beams down at us, “Did you two have a good night?”

My eyes widen and a sudden breath in leaves me choking on my coffee. Everyone turns to me as I realize he was referring to Red and Clyde.

“It was great!” Clyde sputters, stuffing his face.

“We were tired so we went to bed early. Nothing interesting ever happens.” Red rests her elbow on the table and taps her fingers, eyes smoldering into Craig.

_How does Clyde not realize she is in love with Craig?!_

Craig sets a plate down in front of Token then glides to my side. Red eyes stay glued to him as she takes her first bite, chewing slowly before exaggerating swallowing her food, parting her lips before taking her next bite.

Craig's face twists into a disgusted grimace then backs away, “I’m going out for a smoke. Care to join, Tweek?”

I stumble out of my seat, grabbing my coffee off of the counter as I walk towards Craig. He holds the door open for me and we walk out into the cold Colorado morning. 

Snow had fallen the night before, leaving a powdery white blanket across the town. Craig leans casually against the snow kissed house while I shiver from the ice cold wind that entwines around my body. I hold the steaming cup of coffee to my chest to try and keep myself warm. Craig fishes around in his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He lets out a long sigh before igniting the cigarette between his lips.

“I’m really beginning to despise that girl.” He says, exhaling a plume of smoke.

I try to hold my coffee cup to my mouth but my shaking hands keep me from taking a single warm sip.

“She’s pretty mean too.” I say quietly.

Craig scoffs, “It took way too much restraint to not go off on her after what she said to you. I hope Clyde is starting to realize the kind of person she really is.”

I grip the cup of coffee closer to me, “Why can’t you just tell Clyde she has been flirting with you and being mean to your friends?”

Craig pauses and slowly breathes out a cloud of smoke.

“Well for one, you’re more than just a friend. And for two, Clyde is the kind of person who needs to figure things out for himself. If I told him, he would make excuses for her and dig himself in a deeper hole… This is far from the first time this has happened.”

I hum and stare out into the snow white landscape before us, inhaling the strong crisp cold air.

“But Clyde is such a nice guy,” I murmur, “he should be with someone who cares about him.”

Craig breathes in his cigarette as ash fall from its tip, bleeding into the snow below.

“I agree.”

We stand close to each other in silence while he finishes his cigarette. His body keeps me warm in the white desolate wasteland. The familiar smell of his cigarette wraps me in comfort.

With one final exhale he drops his cigarette and steps on the filter, spilling tobacco into the fresh snow.

“Hey, Craig?”

“Yeah?”

I grip my coffee tighter until my knuckles turn as white as the surroundings.

“Do you want to come over to my house today?”

Craig turns to me with a raised eyebrow.

“Sure…? Why?”

"I just… want my parent to meet you.”

Craig opens his mouth and I quickly interject, “Under better circumstances, that is”

His face softens and the corner of his lip pulls up into a half smile, “Oh, well yeah, that will be fine. I just need to drop those steaks over at my place first.”

I nod affirmatively and Craig gestures we go back inside.

Stepping into the house, there is indistinct chatter coming from the kitchen. Craig brushes my shoulder then makes his way upstairs. Clyde and Token shift awkwardly in their chairs while Red has a mischievous grin on her face. I place my coffee cup down on the counter and creep back towards the door, trying to blend in the wall.

“So! Tweek!” Red flips her head to me.

_Fuck._

“We were just talking turn-ons.” Her lips warp into a Cheshire grin.

My pulse quickens. _Now I know why they look so uncomfortable._

“Name three turn-ons, Tweek.” Red twists her hair around her fingers, glaring down at me with malicious intent.

“Uh, well. I’ve never really thought about it before,” a flush of embarrassment moves across my cheeks and I wring my hands together, “I guess I’m attracted to good people, people who put others before themselves. Someone compassionate… the kind of person who wants to make the world a better place…” my voice softens, “… or at least a less scary one…”

Red guffaws and rolls her eyes.“Those aren’t turn-ons Tweek! God you’re so clueless! No wonder no one likes being with you.” She sneers.

I clench my fists and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to still my shaking shoulders. _I hate this! I know no one likes me! I don’t even like me! I’m tired of being a target! I’m tired of feeling this way!_

“I’m going to take Tweek home, guys.”

My eyes snap open to a fully clothed Craig adjusting his black beanie. He throws open the fridge and grabs the steaks. He approaches me with a softened expression and we turn to leave.

Red leans forward and yells, “Quick Craig! What are your 3 turn-ons?!”

“Blonds.” He says, slamming the door behind us.


	16. Chapter 16

“I just need to put this in the fridge at home then we can go to your house, Tweek.”

I nod and grip the door with both hands. Craig flies down the snow covered road with little regard for the moan coming from his car’s engine. The way he drives, we are in front of his dingy brown house in a matter of minutes. He puts the car in park, leaving his hand lingering on the stick shift. The car hums impatiently and he bites his lip. He leans over to me with his eyes fixed on the house. 

“Stay in the car.” He grinds his teeth and hardens his face, “If I’m not back in five minutes, go home. Whatever you do, don’t come inside.”

He slams the door shut and I watch him stride towards the brown house. An overwhelming sense of danger fills the car. I peer through the foggy window as he enters through the threshold. I let out a shaky breath and my eyes wandered about the yard. Dead, overgrown bushes circle the house, a rusted mailbox sways in the lightest breeze, and parked in the driveway, a dirty white Prius. A sudden, sickening sensation seeps into my stomach. I lean further to the right and my eyes freeze on deep indent on the front bumper of the car. My anxious heart thrums against my rib cage and pounds in my ears. My shoulders start shaking and I squeeze my eyes shut with a whimper. I grip onto my pant leg with sweaty hands - reminding myself to breathe. The car door flies open and I snap my head towards the sound with a breathless gasp. Craig jumps inside and takes off down the road. The threat is gone but my body continues to shake mercilessly. I close my eyes again and suck in uneven breaths. The car comes to a slow stop but I can’t open my eyes. A gentle warm pressure caresses my cheek, easing my labored breaths. A sense of comfort flows through me and I feel safe enough to open my eyes. My eyes flutter open to Craig leaning over to me, a pang of guilt etched on his face. 

“I’m so sorry, Tweek.” He says softly, “I should have known seeing my dad’s car would do this.” He takes his hand in mine, keeping one on my face. “I am so sorry.”

My breathing returns to normal but my shaking body reminds me that I’m not okay.

“We can stay as long you need.” His thumb brushes across my cheekbone, “I’m not going to you leave you, I promise.” He whispers.

I draw my gaze up to him, his brows drawn together. I focus on his ocean blue eyes-unbelievably vivid but wide and somber. My trembling hands still and I lean my head into his hand. I close my eyes again, feeling his warm hand pressed to my cheek. My nerves calm. I can breathe again.

“I think I’m okay now.” I breathe out.

Craig stays, unmoving. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I open my eyes slowly.

He draws his hand from my face and gently strokes my cheek before letting go.

“Are you sure you still want to do this? We can go somewhere else or I can come back at another time.”

“No. I can do this. _We_ can do this.”

I glance back at Craig with a small smile. He tilts his head and studies my expression.

I turn from him and unlock the door, climbing out of the beat down car. The driver’s side door slams shut and a warm presence joins me by my side. We stand still in front of my green house. I take a deep breath and ascend up the steps to the front door.

I turn to Craig, “Are you ready?”

He takes a calm breath and nods his head. I squeeze his hand and then we walk through the door.

“Mom! Dad! I brought a guest over.” I yell.

Craig stands behind me with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets. I glimpse back as his eyes flit around my humble living room. His eyes linger on the large family portrait perched above the couch. The dated picture is about 10 years old, showing a timid young boy with wild hair flanked by two parents with nothing but love in their eyes.

“Guests? You never bring guests over, honey.” My mom drifts down the stairs and her eyes well up looking past me. She rushes down the last flight of stairs with her arms stretched out wide. Approaching Craig with a loving smile spread across her face. She wraps her arms around him, trapping him a warm, motherly hug.

“Oh, Craig! It’s so wonderful to see you again! We owe you so much”

Craig wriggles his hands out of his pockets and half-heartily returns her grandiose hug.

“Hey ya, Craig! How’ve you been?” My dad walks down the stairs and slaps him on the shoulder. My mom reluctantly breaks her hug, bringing her hands up to her mouth with tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Craig! Please stay for lunch! I’ll make my famous chicken pasta salad!”

“Uh, sure, Mrs. Tweak, that sounds nice.” Craig says, shifting his weight.

“Wonderful! I’m so happy you’re here!” My mom scurries into the kitchen and begins flipping through her recipe cards.

“Just let us know if you need anything, Craig. I’ll go put on a pot of coffee.” My dad winks and joins my mom in the kitchen.

“Hey Mom, we’re going upstairs now.”

“Okay sweetie!” 

I lead Craig down the narrow hallway of the second floor, across the worn green carpet to the last door at the end. My room is modest. Dark blue walls with a collection of black and white photos I’ve taken over the years arranged symmetrical around the room. My furniture is minimal, just a pine dresser and a worn desk next to a full length mirror. The only noteworthy thing is a small keyboard next to the closet with a small pine bench. I keep my room meticulously clean, save for the crinkled sheet music on my piano. Craig strides to my grey and blue bed and sits precariously atop the comforter. I move next to him and stare at the closed door. 

“Did you take those pictures, Tweek?”

“Yeah… I used to be really into photography, but I stopped taking pictures a while back. I just lost the inspiration, I guess.”

He takes his hand in mine and rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

“I think your parents like me.”

I roll my eyes and gaze up at him. “’Like’ is an understatement. They absolutely adore you.”

He lowers his head as his eyes soften, “I’m not used to that kind of affection. It’s weird… Nice. But still weird.”

“Well my parents are weird.” I turn my head to him with a half-smile. He chuckles softly, drawing his gaze back to the door. 

“Thanks for bringing me here, Tweek. I’ve never been to such a welcoming home. Even Clyde’s dad just tolerates me. He thinks I’m a bad influence or something.”

I shake my head and the corner of my lips turn down. Craig is compassionate and kind, always sacrificing himself to protect others. There should be more people like him on this earth.

“I think you’re amazing Craig. I wish more people saw that too.” I say in a hushed voice.

He turns to me and brushes my jawline with the back of his hand, drawing me into a brief but unmistakably affectionate kiss.

“But now I’m going to be selfish.”

I raise my eyebrow.

“Mind playing me some music?” He says with an innocent smile.

“Oh. Um, sure.”

I raise myself from the bed and walk towards the worn bench at my keyboard.

“So, um. I know this sounds silly… and I know we’re not dating or anything...” I avert my eyes and feel my cheeks warm, “but I had you in mind when I was writing this.”  
I look over at Craig’s perfect face, sitting at edge of my bed.

He says nothing as I poise my hands over the keys. I take a quick glance at my sheet music but I’ve played it so many times I know it all by heart. My wrists relax and my fingers begin their dance over the keys. The melody is slow at first, but the music swells into an optimistic ballad. Telling a story of worlds colliding- mine and his. In spite of the poor quality of the keyboard, the notes echo within the walls of my small room. Whenever I play the piano, everything else just melts away. I am encapsulated in my own serine world of beauty and happiness. The short song comes to a delicate end with the last single note still floating in the air. I look back at Craig, his face slightly pink with a tender smile painting his lips. He pushes himself off of the bed and straddles the bench I’m on.

“What’s the song called?” He asks softly.

“Home.”

He glances down, mouthing words that don’t come out.

“Did you like it?”

He draws his bright eyes up to mine with a dazzling smile. “I loved it. No one has ever done something like that for me before.”

A smile appears on my face, “I’m glad you thought so.”

Craig looks back at me with his brows furrowed. “Hey, Tweek?”

I swing my leg around to face him, holding my breath.

“You mentioned earlier that we’re not dating or anything. So….” His eyes flick up to me. “What are we to you?”

My body tenses and heart begins to race. _I don’t want to drive him away by telling him how much I cherish him. But being cavalier wouldn’t sound sincere coming from me._ I stare into his icy eyes with my mouth agape, struggling to find the right words to say.

“Well,” I breathe out and my hands tremble, “I want to be with you every day. Ever since I met you, no one else has been worth thinking about. You make me feel happy… and safe. I want to see your smile. I want to feel your hand in mine. You know how to calm me down… and warm me up. I know that we’re more than friends, but I don’t want to call us something we’re not. Just in case you change your mind about me.”

Craig glances down and grabs my hips, gently pulling me into him. His tilts his head and closes his eyes. As his soft lips meet mine, he traces his thumb down my cheek. I ardently kiss him back, feeling I had said the right thing. He lowers his head and rests it on my neck, kissing his way down my throat.

“I won’t change my mind about you.” He says softly.

My face fills with warmth and I run my fingers through his raven-black hair, breathing in his cigarette-laced aroma.

“You’ve made me happier than I’ve been in years.” He murmurs into me, “I don’t want to lose you.”

I place my hand at his knee and draw it up his inner thigh as he buries his face back in my neck, his warm breath intoxicating me. His hand slides under my shirt and pulls me into an intimate embrace. My hips move into his. The space between us begins to close.

“Lunch is ready, boys!”

We rush to untangle ourselves and stare back at the closed door. A breathy chuckle escapes his lips and we wait for our bodies to calm.

Coming down the stairs, my parents’ voices get louder with excitable chatter. Reaching the bottom of the steps, there is a large bowl gracing the center of the table and a plate of aromatic French bread next to it. My parents have already seated themselves across the table from each other, leaving Craig and I to do the same. We take our seats and Craig’s eyes dart to my mother staring lovingly at him. He serves himself a small portion of the salad then sits back with his hands in his lap. Unnoticed by my parents, I grab a soft roll from the plate and spoon myself a modest serving of the pasta salad.

“So,” my dad begins, resting both his elbows on the table, “what do your parents do for a living, Craig?”

_Oh God. Maybe the ’50 questions’ game runs in the family._

I glance over at Craig sitting stone faced across from me. “My mom is a stay at home mom and my dad works at a gas station in Cloverdale.”

“Oh! That’s exciting!”

_Exciting? Really mom?_

“What are your plans after graduating, Craig?” My mom leans forward into him, eyes filled with light and curiosity, not realizing he hasn’t even had a chance to start eating.

“Well, I enjoy physics and astronomy. I was thinking about getting astrophysics or space engineering.” He finally takes a small bite of the lunch.

“I certainly wish you the best.” My mom beams. “That must be a difficult program to get into.”

Craig shrugs, “I’m set to graduate salutatorian and I have one of the highest SAT scores in my class. I don’t have any extracurricular activities to help my chances though.”

“He plays in a band. That might help.” I pipe in.

Craig’s head snaps to me and he narrows his eyes.

“Oh! You must be very talented Craig! What instrument do you play?”

“Guitar and piano.” He says through clenched teeth.

“You really are a special boy, my goodness!”

Craig holds eye contact with me as he takes another bite.

We carry on eating in relative peace until my mom breaks the silence to continue her invasive questions.

“Now, I must ask.”

_Whatever it is, please don’t ask._

“Did you know Tweek before the accident?”

I slide my body down in my chair and Craig rubs the back of his neck. “Well, uh, not really ma’am. We got into a fight in the 3rd grade but other that we haven’t really spoken.”

_Shit. I had completely forgotten about that._

“Oh, heavens! Well I’m glad you’re friends now.” My mom flashes Craig a large grin. “Strange how life brings people together.”

Craig’s lips turn up into a soft smile. He slowly lifts his head and draws me in with his vibrant blue eyes.

My heart skips a beat every time he looks at me like that.


	17. Chapter 17

“Thanks for the lunch Mr. and Mrs. Tweak.”

“Come back anytime, Craig!” My mom yells from the threshold, the both of us watching Craig slide into his car.

She closes the front door and glances back at me with her trademark smile. “He is such a sweet boy!” She gushes.

“Yeah Mom, he’s a good friend.” I mutter.

Her eyes glisten and she turns to me with a dimpled grin. “And don’t tell your father this, but he sure is handsome!”

My eyes widen and face instantly floods with heat. I turn from her and I stumble my way back to my room, hoping she didn’t see my flushed face.

My room feels colder than it did a little while ago. The colors have drained into a monochrome hue. I flick on the lamp at my desk and begin sifting through one of the drawers. I haven’t opened them in some time but I have a feeling what I’m looking for is buried deep within the ancient labyrinth. I sift around the deep drawer until my hand grazes across a large embossed case, pulling it out with a small grunt. With careful fingers I unhook the creaking latch and pray I still have all the pieces. I let out a long sigh staring at the black mass of disassembled parts in front of me. I manage to painstakingly assemble all the pieces from memory only to be left with my heavy completed project. I haven’t used this camera in years. I find my old film canisters in the corner of my closet and bring them over to my desk. _Expired. Shit._

I glance down at my watch. _3:15PM, I still have time to walk down to the Photo Dojo before they close._ I rush out of house, grabbing my dad’s parka as I fly out the door. I freeze at the stoop of my house. _God I hate the snow._ Walking through snow is a pain, even when you’ve been doing it your whole life. Photo Dojo is on the north side of town. I tread carefully on the icy sidewalk -making a mental note to get my driver’s license. The few towns’ people trudging through the snow are wrapped in scarfs and gloves, their coats shielding them from the biting air. Every sharp breath I take turns into icy smoke and I pull my arms around my waist. The light snowfall muffles and absorbs the sounds of the cars moving by, making for a peaceful but harsh landscape. The buzz in my pocket is barely felt though the layers of clothes I have on. With my awkward, oversized gloves I pull out the tiny phone from the deep pocket. 

**It was nice meeting your parents today – under better circumstances. Take care, Tweek.**  
I read the message a few times over and suddenly, the air doesn’t feel so cold.

I approach the last crosswalk and notice Bebe and Red on the opposite side. Their heads close together and hands covering their mouths. Their bodies shake with laughter. Under the hood of Red’s parka I get a quick glance of a lock of pink hair sticking out from the corner. It looks dry and lifeless. _No. Fucking. Way._ The flashing walk signal lights up and I hesitate before taking my first step into the street. Red doesn’t take her eyes off of me as our paths cross. Just as I smell her perfume choke me, all my breath escapes from my lungs. My body slips backwards and my left leg skids across the slick road. Instinctively, I reach my arms out behind me and catch myself before falling onto the icy road. I hastily pull myself up with shaking hands and scurry across the street. Jovial laughs growing from behind me.

I reach the Photo Dojo and take a quick glance behind me, adrenaline still pumping through my veins. The glass double doors out front advertise sales and discounts, one day only apparently. A sharp bell rings when I step inside the warm building.  


“What can I do for ya?!” The large man shouts from behind the short counter, startling my already edgy body.

“Um, yeah,” I squeak out, “do you have any 35mm film?”

The man behind the counter lights up. “Do I?! Of course I do! Some of the best cameras take that kind of film. I don’t like all those digital cameras they have nowadays. They just don’t have the same feeling, ya know?”

“Yeah, I like older cameras too.” I mutter. In reality, I just can’t afford one.

The large man begins digging behind him in large bins while I admire all the beautiful digital cameras. Glancing at the price tags I notice they’re all well over $700 dollars.

“How many you want, kid?”

“Doesn’t really matter. Four I guess.” I say looking around.

“You got it!"

I turn my attention back to the man behind the counter, watching him ring up my purchase. I pay the smiling man then begin my walk back home. 

Crosswalks always give me anxiety now. They never feel safe. I stand several feet back from the crosswalk and wait for the signal to light up. A white dented Prius zooms by. The driver is a blank faced balding man. His hands grip tightly to the wheel as he stares forward. The man looks nothing like Craig. I feel a sense of unease and danger watching him fly by. While I stare in the direction of the car, several people begin walking past me. I glance up to the sign lit up and flashing. I can’t shake the feeling of discontent out of my stomach. My mind becomes consumed with thoughts of Craig’s safety.


	18. Chapter 18

The blustering storm in South Park buries the town in snow. The blizzard creates an impenetrable fortress around all the houses. If it was any other day, I’d be ecstatic. But it’s winter break. Meaning one less day I can enjoy without the guilt of almost failing my classes. The blizzard’s tempest onslaught has snow clinging to every house and building, forcing my parents to close their shop. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. But being cooped up with them all day listening to “Holy Night” on repeat is enough to drive anyone insane. My parents get very into Christmas. _Very_ into Christmas. For the entire mind numbing seven days of my snow dominated life, my dad manages to hang about 100ft of Christmas lights throughout the entire living room. Garland chokes the banisters all the way up to the landing and the 10ft tall Christmas tree could shine like a beacon through the snow packed windows. When I flick the living room switch off, the string lights blind me like a variegated ball of fire. My flour-covered mom hardly steps foot out the kitchen. She spends all day on a marathon baking spree, making: gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, peppermint cookies and the horrible fruit cake she insists on making every year. Since I am an awful baker, she begs me to decorate everything. Why they let an 18 year old boy with essential tremors decorate hundreds of cookies is beyond me. All it did was leave me with hand cramps and even lower self-esteem. When the snow began to melt, a few brave people ventured out into their yards to hang lights. Luckily, I was able to convince my dad that having someone like me climbing up a ladder would be a disastrous idea. However, the roads were still too slick and the sidewalks too buried under snow to make walking outside a good idea. I’m actually worried I am going to spend my entire break hidden away in my room playing piano and avoiding my homework, you know, like what I’ve been doing for the past six years. Clyde went with his dad to a 3 week ski resort and Token is visiting his parents in Haiti as a part of their “Doctors without Borders” endeavor. Token had mentioned that he left the key in the usual spot, but with the roads how they are now, it’d be impossible for me to get up there. Craig’s texts have been… spotty at best. I periodically flip open my phone in hopes of a text or a phone call but at this point, it’s just become a habit. I had last heard from him 3 days ago and yet I’ve read his same text message over and over again, each time it brings a small smile to my face. Despite the snowy conditions, I still hope he’ll show up at my door with his charming smile and warm heart. 

At the end of the grueling week the melting snow finally allows the towns people to carry out their normal business. Not that I have business to do anyways. Desperate to escape the Christmas snow globe my parents have created in the living room, I throw on my dad’s old parka and pick up my camera from the desk and quietly exit my room. The nauseating smell of sugar cookies hits my nose and I freeze like a cryogenic 90’s man. I begin to creep down the stairs, careful to avoid the one creaky step that would surly give away my location. I peer out of the corner of my eye to see my mom leaning into the oven, and with a stealth I didn’t even know I had, I manage to slip out the door unseen.

Today, the sun shines brightly. I close my eyes and look up - the sun’s natural warmth kisses my face. The winter landscape is beautiful. Delicate snowflakes dance around me before they melt silently on the ground. The sidewalks are a mixture of melting snow and ice while a soft sheet of snow lies untouched on the street. I place the camera strap around my neck and take slow steady steps through the crunchy ice to the playground near my house. Only a few people pass me in oversized hoods, unaware of my existence. I arrive at the playground as it sits still, frozen in time. Any other day I’d find it so mundane, contrived, but with my camera around my neck- all I can see is the beauty in each tiny detail. My eyes are drawn to the swing sets, where Craig and I had our first real conversation. I walk all the way around the playground and approach from the angle I need, careful not to disturb the untouched melting snow around the swings. I crouch down and watch the snow fall delicately around the twisting chains, reflecting the metal with vibrant hues. The seats cup tranquil pools of water, glistening like iridescent sequins. I take a few deep breaths in and out to still my hands. I finally take the last deep breath in, holding the view finder up to my eye. I hear a silent flutter and breathe out slowly. The scenery is so beautiful I just need to take another shot. I steady myself with my finger over the shutter button and take another deep breath in. My finger presses down and my body lunges forward. I fall onto my side as the camera around my neck bounces into the wet sleet. I raise myself up but my throat constricts with a cut off gasp. I kick my legs as I’m being dragged up by the strap around my neck, stumbling backwards onto my feet.

“Your girlfriend isn’t here to fight you battles now, Tweeker.”

I don’t have to turn around to know who is behind me.

“With no one around you, you’re just a sad pathetic little boy!” He taunts.

Another hand reaches around and jerks at the camera around my neck. I claw my hands up to my neck between strained gasps. I falter backwards into a large body, only to be shoved back to the ground, my neck preventing my fall. Stars darken my eyes and pressure builds from behind them. A few seconds later a loud snap and sudden rush of pain releases me onto the cold wet ground. I gasp for air between pained coughs and hold my hand up to my throbbing neck. The laughter from behind me grows louder and my spotty eyes try to focus on the two people towering above me.

“Give… it… back...” I manage to whisper though winded breaths.

“You mean this?” My eyes finally focus on Cartman and Damien. Damien’s dangling my camera between two fingers. His menacing eyes turn red.

My eyes widen lying helplessly on the ground. He grips the camera in his hands and hurls it into the snow ridden streets. I keep my eyes glued on my camera. I scramble up towards it and reach out my arm. Cartman takes a few steps to me and his lips turn up into a twisted grin. I peer up to him with watery eyes. He draws his arm back and swings his fist into the soft spot above my temple. I crumble back into the sleet; a deep groan escapes me as my head spins.

Cartman and Damien taunt words into my strained ears. Cartman approaches me again, I squeeze my eyes shut and hold in my breath, my body skidding several feet across the ground. The air becomes thick as I struggle to draw in a single breath. I keep my eyes shut and freeze, I couldn’t have them see me cry. Their footsteps fade and I open my tear-filled eyes. I grab my stomach and crawl to the sidewalk. I stumble in a pained daze to the shattered remains of my camera. I make it to the sidewalk and hear a loud roar. I know this sound. My legs stop moving and stare straight ahead. A snowplow passes by before me, crushing all hopes I had of retrieving my film.

I limp back to the park and collapse on the nearest bench. Craig hasn’t returned my last few texts. I grip my phone tightly to my chest and pray he gets this one.

**Where are you? I need help.**  
My phone vibrates in my hand before it reaches my pocket.

**I’m at the library. What’s going on?**  
My breathing is still shallow and blood hammered in my ears. The library is only a block away. I can make it. A rush of pain jolts through my body when I stand up. My weakened legs drag me in the direction of the library. The phone in my hand vibrates again.

**What happened? Are you okay?**  
The library comes into view and my feet keep moving me forward. My phone vibrates again. I strain to look down.

**Where are you, Tweek?!**  
I finally reach the large double doors of the library. I stagger trying to hold my body up. With all the strength I have left, I pry open the door and stumble inside. 

I immediately see Craig surrounded by a pile of books, his face illuminated by the soft glow of his phone. My red-rimmed eyes blink slowly. I can feel blood hum through my neck. I approach the table he’s at, arm still gripping around my stomach. He glances up at me and his eyes widen, he lets out a strained exhale and draws his eyes up and down my body.

“What happened?” he whispers.

My lips shake and I stifle a cry, not knowing what to say I look down. He softly takes my hand in his and rises from his seat.

“Can you make it up the stairs? It’s not far.”

I nod my throbbing head and he releases my hand, pointing towards the stairs. I falter making my way up the short staircase. Craig follows closely behind, his hand on my back. The floor is vacant, towering bookcases surround the enclosed area. He takes my hand and leads me to a couch at the back of the floor. I sit down slowly, still wrapping my arm around my stomach. He gently runs his hand down my head then places it on my knee. He turns his body and presses his lips to my hair, lingering there until I stop shaking and my breathing returns to normal. He pulls away with a pained look. My arms limp at my side. He looks up and reaches out his hand, hovering at the abrasions on my neck.

“Who did this to you?” He breathes out, still staring at my neck.

I glance to his pained face and try not to look away. “Cartman and Damien.” I say, my voice refusing to rise above a whisper.

His lips form a straight line and his pupils constrict until all that’s left is a vindictive ice stare.

“I’m going to kill them.” He growls.

“Don’t. You’ll get expelled and I’ll just look weak and become a bigger target.” I say looking down.

He continues to stare at my clothes and slowly draws his eyes up to my neck.

“You know I can kick both their asses, right?”

My lips turn up. “I know.”

He takes both his hands in mine and gazes down at me. “What do you want me to do?”

I lift my eyes to meet his. “Just… Don’t leave me.”

He moves his hand to my cheek and kisses my head.

“I have to study for a couple more hours, Tweek. Would be okay staying here?”

I nod my head, turning my gaze down again.

“Give me a minute. I just need to grab my books.”

I watch him disappear around the corner. I cautiously touch my hand to my throat. Everything feels tender and parts feel raw. I wince as I gently brush on the side of my throat, tracing my fingers around my neck.

“You shouldn’t be touching it.”

I snap my head up and stare at Craig turning the corner, holding several large text books in his arms.

“Sorry.” I murmur.

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

He sets his books on the ground nearby and moves next to me on the couch, crossing his legs under him.

He takes my chin in his hand and carefully turns my head towards him. He scans my neck with pursed lips then gently releases me.

“Luckily, most of the redness is superficial, but there’s a 2 inch abrasion on your left side that might scab and you’ll likely get a bruise towards the base of your throat, either way it should all heal in 2 or 3 days... Just try not to touch it.”

He reaches down and pulls a large book into his lap. “I saw you holding your stomach, what else happened?”

“Oh, um, I was kicked... and punched in the head” I say quietly.

His eyes constrict again but his expression quickly softens.  
“What’s your pain level now?”

“I don’t know… 6 I guess.”

“Did you cough up blood?”

“No.”

“Did you pass out?”

“No.”

“Is there swelling anywhere?”

“No.”

“What kind of pain do you feel?”

“Just… sore.”

He stares at me with an unreadable expression. “Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

I shake my head.

He sighs then slides his hand on my knee. “Promise me if anything gets worse you'll go to the hospital, okay?”

“Okay.” I say looking down, holding my hands together.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I glance up to him staring right at me. Even with everything that happened today, nothing takes my breath away quite like he does.  
I tear my eyes away and inhale slowly, trying to collect my thoughts and calm the redness in my face.

“You don’t have to tell me, Tweek.”

I shake my head and exhale.

I look up at him and explain the entire event; I watch his expression change from anger to concern to something I can only describe as endearment. The story that comes out of my mouth feels disconnected from me, I tell him of a despair I no longer had. A sadness that has eluded me. The pain that ached inside has been replaced by that of safety. The helplessness as I lay on the ground held no more baring. I was with him. 

“…and you’re sure you don’t want me to kick their asses? I can be discreet.”

I smile softly and shake my head.

He clicks his tongue and leans back on the couch. “That’s too bad.”

He looks back at me sitting in silence. “How are you feeling?” He asks quietly.

“Tired.”

He reaches his hand over to me and brushes the back of his fingers across my cheek.

“Well, the couch is plenty soft, but I’ve been told my shoulder is too.” He gazes down at me with a gentle smile.  
I stare back at him as my lips part. I feel as if all the stars have aligned. Every terrible and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me has led to this. The galaxy shines brightly in his blue eyes and I’m left weightless. It’s him. He’s the one I want to be with. He’s the one I want next to me when everything comes crashing down. He’s the only one that could pull me up. He turns the darkness into light and my fears into trust. I could listen to him talk all day and never tire of his beautiful voice. I could stare into his eyes forever and never speak another word. I want to hold him when he sleeps and make his sorrow disappear. I want to take his hand in mine and never let go. I want to caress his cheek and whisk away his worries. Our worlds have collided and he caught me as I fell. My head falls onto his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and my eyelids close. I’m in love with him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Good morning and Merry Christmas! What are you doing today?**

**Nothing. Tricia is out of town with our aunt and uncle. You?**

**Parent stuff.**

**Ah. Sounds nice.**

**It normally is… want to go to Token’s tonight?**

**Sure. I’ll pick you up at 6.**

**I’ll be ready.**

This year, my parents got me a parka that fits and a new pair of snow shoes. They never get me sentimental gifts or electronics. They’re practical people and they give practical gifts. I like that. Gifts that can be used are better than ones that lay around gathering dust. Sitting on the sofa, I zip my parka up as high as it goes and hide my hands in its fuzzy pockets. The noise around me softens and my eyes flutter closed. I begin to drift off to sleep in my furry little cocoon. A light knock on the door wakes me from my butterfly day dream and I bat my eyes open. My reaction time is too slow. Out of the corner of my eye my mom flies across the room and throws open the door.

“Craig! Merry Christmas!” She says with a warm grin and open arms.

Craig takes a few steps back and keeps his arms at his side. “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Tweak.”

“Oh! I’ve made some sugar cookies the other day! You must take some! Please, come inside!” Craig takes a few small steps in the house and his eyes flick to me before looking away.

My mom scurries back to Craig with a large basket of cookies. “You can keep the basket! I just hope you enjoy the treats.” She closes her eyes and gives him a smile as sweet as her cookies.

He flashes her a small smile in return and takes the basket in his hand. “Ready to go, Tweek?” He turns to me with lifeless eyes.

“Uh, yeah.” I scoop up the horribly wrapped gift in front of me and get up from the couch.

“New parka?”

“Christmas gift.”

Craig nods his head and turns to my mother. “Thanks for the cookies, Mrs. Tweak.”

“My pleasure! Have a good time boys!”

With a small wave I follow Craig out to his car. I stand by the passenger door and wait for it to open. My knees shake from the cold and I am once again thankful for my fitted parka. After a few long minutes, the door opens and I slide into the warm car.

The basket is placed in the back seat and I hug my gift to my chest, waiting for the car to start. Craig has one hand on the steering wheel and stares deeply at the stick shift by the console. He takes a deep breath and hesitates before putting the car into gear, momentarily pulling his brows together. His hand that is normally reserved for my knee lies still on his lap. I turn my head towards the dark window and try to focus on Craig’s reflection as we approach Token’s vacant mansion. 

He abruptly slams on the breaks. The gears grind to a screeching halt, throwing me forward into my seat belt. He reaches over and pulls up the emergency break with a small grunt. Looking up he gives me a small smile, a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Mind grabbing the basket, Tweek?” I grab the basket of cookies single handily and tuck my awkward gift under my arm, easily shimming out of the compact car. “Could you also open the front door? My hands are kind of full.”

I lock the car door behind me and tread through the sleet to the front door. I place the basket on the wet porch and feel around for the key under the mat. I manage to locate the small metal key and turn back to Craig, still rummaging through his car. I let myself in and give out an involuntary shiver. I flick the light switch on and scan the room for the thermostat. Craig appears behind me with a perfectly wrapped gift and saunters towards the little white box on the opposite side of the room. Nothing in the house is decorated, no lights, no trees, no garlands. It feels like just another night in the mansion. Craig turns back and gently places the box on the coffee table before collapsing on the couch. He adjusts his beanie with his hand and lets out a long sigh.

“Long day?” I ask, sitting quietly next to him with my hands folded in my lap.

He looks up at the ceiling and chuckles, “Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

He shifts his weight and flicks his eyes to me, “How have you been feeling?”

It takes me a minute to realize what he was talking about. “Oh, I’m fine. Bruises only lasted a couple of days. I know it’s only been a week but it feels a lot longer.”

“That’s good.” He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath in.

“…Are you okay? You’ve been acting kind of strange today.”

He opens his eyes again and turns to me with a half-smile, “I’m fine, Tweek. Please don’t worry about me.”

“Wanna do presents?”

“Not yet.” He says, staring back up at the ceiling.

I watch as my fingers reach out and gently brush against the back of his hand. His eyes fly open and he jerks his arm away from me, jumping off the couch with an audible growl. His brows draw in and a primal flare scorches in his eyes. His breathing picks up as his lips part, letting the extra air escape. I stay frozen on the couch with my shaking hand outstretched. My terrified heart thumping wildly against my chest. I slowly turn my head to him, watching his breathing return to normal. His face relaxes and his eyes shift towards the corner of the room.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters.

I lower my arm and pause for a few moments, trying to understand what just happened.

“…what was that?” I say in a hushed breath.

He walks back to the couch with hesitant steps. He sits next to me with his head down as I hold my breath. He slowly begins rolling up the right sleeve on his jacket. A large dark bruise engulfs the area around his slightly swollen hand. Along his wrists lays deep choking red imprints of finger markings. Where there was once a warm ivory pulse, purple welts grew like vines.

Sadness tore at my chest. I didn’t need to ask where they came from. I glance up at him as he stares expressionless at the wall.

I gaze down at his hand again as sorrow digs a hole in my heart.

“It’s sprained.” I whisper.

“I figured.”

“Does it hurt… even when no one is touching it?”

“Yes.”

My heart wrenched.

“It needs to be wrapped.”

“Probably.” He continues staring straight ahead.

“Where does Token keep his first aid supplies?”

Craig sits in silence, keeping his head still and lips pursed.

“Craig.”

“What?” He says sharply.

“Tell me where it is!”

His eyes glaze towards the door in the corner of the first floor. “Master bathroom. Under the sink.”

I lift myself off the couch and walk into the master bedroom. I have tunnel vision kneeling before the sink. I barely have to dig around to find the ace bandages and small bottle of aspirin. I come out of the room and notice Craig has lowered his head. His legs are slightly spread apart and his leg bounces rhythmically. I approach him slowly and place the bandage and aspirin on the coffee table. I go into the kitchen and fetch a glass of water, careful not to spill any with my shaking hands on my way back. I hesitate before lowering myself next to him. He feels miles away from me. I pour out 2 tablets of aspirin into the lid and reach my hand out.

“No.” He says monotone.

“Please.”

He stares back with his eyes narrowed.

“Please.” I whisper.

His face is wiped clean of all expression holding out his left hand. I dump the medication in his palm and offer him the water with my shaky hand. He throws the medication in his mouth and snatches the water, washing them down with a small sip. I finish unraveling the bandage and look up at him without a word. His cold blue eyes stare through me for what feels like hours before he offers his hand out to me. Being as clumsy as I am, I’ve wrapped sprains hundreds of times, I start at his wrist, wrapping twice around. His hand instinctively flinches back before reaching out to me again. I finish the wrapping in a few minutes, securing it with two metal clasps. He lowers his hand back onto his lap in a slow decent.

“Thanks.” He mutters.

“Anytime.”

We continue to sit in silence. I press my trembling hands into my lap. Craig abruptly stands up and crosses to the other side of me and sits down, still keeping his head lowered. He places his hand over mine and says nothing at all.

I stare up at his blank face and my chest tightens, “Why wouldn’t you let me help you?”

He finally looks down at me with a pained expression, “I don’t like being helped.”

“Why?”

He takes a long pause and stares at the aspirin on the table. “I don’t need help.”

“Everyone needs help sometimes.” I whisper back.

He leans away from me and tears his hand back. He draws his lips together in a straight line and shoots me a glare of arctic intensity.

“I would have been fine on my own! I don’t need your help! I don’t need anyone’s help! What?! You think this is the first time this has happened?!” His yell echoes though the empty house and tears form behind my eyes.

“You’d help me if I needed it, wouldn’t you?!”

“That’s different!” He snaps.

I stare at the aspirin bottle and clench my fist, squeezing my eyes shut.

“You take care of people who matter to you, right? So why won’t you let them do the same?!”

I lean to him trembling, both hands over my heart.  
“Do you understand how much it hurts me seeing you like this?! You fight and resist but it only makes me feel worse! I want to help! I want to be with you! I care about you! But all you do is push me away! Look! Even now you’re so far from me!” I lower my hands into my lap and a tear escapes the corner of my eye. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this… but all I wanted to do was help you.”  


I can’t control the tears rolling freely down my face landing on my hand. My shoulders shake and my chest tightens. I don’t dare look up, afraid to see him scowling or leaving me here. I feel him place his hand on my shoulder and slowly run it down to my waist. My body stays frozen and his lips press into my hair.

“I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing but show compassion and I’ve just… been me.” I gaze up to see Craig’s remorseful eyes staring back. “Do you remember last week, when you talked about how showing weakness makes you a bigger target? In my house, showing weakness can get you killed… You didn’t do anything to deserve how I’ve been treating you… But fighting and resisting is all I know how to do.”

He parts his lips and glances down at the floor, eyes flicking back and forth, “I’ve been handling this on my own for so long, I don’t even know how to ask for help…You were right on that camping trip, all I do is hurt people... I-I just hurt you. But I still want to be close to you. I guess I’m just selfish in that way.” His eyes close and his voice softens, “… I didn’t mean to lash out at you… I’m just anxious and I can’t turn off my brain. I’m on edge and I can’t shake this fear inside of me. I put on a cold façade and numb myself. But in reality, I’m just… scared.”

I look down and put my hand facing up on his knee. He laces his fingers into mine with a shaky touch.

“I’m sorry, Craig. On the camping trip I really didn’t-”

“Don’t. I’m sorry. I took out my anger and frustration on you... I was wrong.”

I twist my short body and kiss him on the shoulder. Despite everything he’s been through today, he gives me a smile-so genuine, so sweet, the kind of smile that made his eyes shine.

“I’m lucky I have you in my life, Tweek.” He says quietly.

“I’m lucky I have you too.”

He unlaces his fingers from mine and places his warm hand on my cheek looking at me softly through sapphire eyes. He draws me into a passionate kiss that makes my heart flutter, his finger brushes lightly against my cheekbone. He pulls away and traces his fingers down my jawline.

“Are you feeling better, Craig?”

He chuckles and looks down, “Much better.”

“How’s the hand?”

He holds up his right hand and turns it back and forth. “Better. And don’t tell anyone, but I think the aspirin helped.”

He turns to me with a boyish grin, leaving warmth in my face.

He stretches out his left arm and I fall onto his soft shoulder. He drapes his arm around me and rests his head on mine. We lay intertwined for hours, just taking comfort in each other’s company.

“Presents?” I say with a childlike grin.

Craig's eyes flutter open and he gives me a half smile. “Okay, I guess it is still Christmas after all.”

He stretches out his long arms and yawns.

I spring off the couch and grab the two presents off the coffee table. I hold out my poorly wrapped gift to Craig and he raises his eyebrow.

“Oh, right.”

He chuckles then sits up on the edge of the couch, watching me rip around the string holding the paper together. I pull out a large white box with an enlarged image of headphones and scribbled descriptions surrounding them. He looks at me with a smile and leans forward. I meet his lips in a gentle peck and his eyes draw back down to the package.

“Thanks, Tweek. My headphones actually got broken today so this is perfect.” He smiles again then nods towards the gift he got for me.

He could have gotten me a turkey baster and I’d still think it was the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I pick up the box and realize it’s much heavier than I had expected. _Definitely not a turkey baster_. I look sideways at him and he just gives me a sly grin. I slide my finger under the perfect wrapping and watch as the paper falls right off the box. I stare wide eyed at the gift in front of me.

“No way.”

“I figured you could use a new one.” He says with large grin.

I pull the large digital camera out of the box and hold the weighty gift in my hands. I look wide eyed at him then back to the camera.

“Craig…”

“Now, now. Before you begin it wasn’t nearly as expensive as you think it was.”

“I know it’s rude to ask but… how?”

“Well,” he sits back on the couch, “Roman loves old cameras-“

“Roman?”

“The owner of the Photo Dojo.”

_Oh right, I forgot he knows everyone in town._

“So, I had an old camera from middle school just sitting in the back of my closet. I traded it in for $350. And it just so happens that his daughter is in the same class as my sister, and apparently she is struggling in math. I offered to tutor his kid for a month and he lowered the price significantly… I’m pretty sure I also offered to make cookies for her bake sale and cook her dinner when he has to stay late at work, but I digress. I won’t tell you how much it costs, but it was under $300 if it makes you feel better.”

My smile widens as I look at the camera then back at him. I gingerly place the camera on the table and lean over to him. I bring my hand up to his cheek and pull him into a heated kiss. I draw my hand down his torn left arm and I squeeze his hand. Our lips press harder into each other and our breathing picks up.

“Your gift is incredible.” I say, momentarily pulling away.

“Thanks.” He chuckles returning to my mouth.

“But…” My lips move down to his jaw line, “I’ve got another gift for you I think you’ll enjoy.”

“Hmmm.” He murmurs in my ear with a smile.

“Yeah,” my lips brush against his throat, “care to follow me upstairs?”

He lets out a laugh and leans back. I stand up and extend my hand out to him. He takes my hand and I lead him up the spiraled staircase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos :)  
> They make my day <3


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~~~Major Trigger Warning.~~~~~~  
> See the bold warning above? Yeah that's this chapter.  
> Totally skip-able. It's graphic and fucked up.  
> Totally skip-able.  
> Totally skip-able. Really fucked up.

By 11:00pm my eyelids are heavy and struggle to stay open. I’m not sure why, but sleep has been coming to me much easier these past few months. I push myself off of my piano bench with a series of yawns. I strip off my clothes and place them in my empty hamper. Fighting the urge to collapse, I draw my comforter down, reveling the most inviting white blankets I’ve ever seen. I lazily climb into my soft bed with only my boxers on, welcoming a peaceful slumber.

A light tapping jolts me from out of my dreamless sleep. Adrenaline pumping through my veins, I turn to the ominous, blackened door in my room and hold my breath. The tapping continues and I draw my knees up to my chest. My hands rise to my ears and I bury my head in my knees. I feel a rumble from one side of the room and snap my eyes to the sliding glass door, choking in a gasp.  


“Oh shit, hey. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Craig leans forward and kisses me on the temple.

“What are you doing here so late?” I say breathlessly.

Craig slips his messenger bag from around his shoulders and throws it to the ground, tossing his beanie off with it.

“Honestly? I couldn’t sleep very well.” I bring my knees down from my chest as he slips off his jacket and shoes. “My sleep paralysis demon kept visiting me and I had to get out of there.”

My adrenaline rushes for a different reason watching him take off his shirt and pants.

“Okay, you can stay here tonight,” I say, eyeing him up and down, “you’re lucky you’re cute.”

My head falls back on my pillow and he press up against me. One arm slides under my neck and the other wraps around my waist.

_God he smells good._

Cold hands claw their way up my legs. I feel a cruel tugging on my boxers. I reach out my hand to push them away but my arms become strapped to the bed. Thin long fingers slither up my face and fondle every part of me, sticking their long, slick fingers into my mouth, choking me as they slide deeper down my throat. I bite down and taste the metallic flesh rip off the bone. They only delve deeper inside - the sick invasion is never ending. A heavy cold pressure weights down on my shoulders and I cry out from the pain. I try to move but the agonizing weight on my arms and shoulders intensifies. I lay there, paralyzed and terrified. Tears fall from my eyes and I scream as loud as I can, begging for help that never comes. I’m utterly alone, trapped in an unforgiving darkness. My screams turn into muffled whimpers and I struggle for air. I feel my mouth being sown shut. Cold hands grope their way up my thighs. My whimpers evolve into quite sobs. Icy fingers dig deeply into my skin and pry my legs apart. Warm blood trickles down my legs. I tear my eyes down as the disturbing creature with three arms for a head skulks its way up to my face. The more I struggle, the less I can move, the stronger it becomes. Unable to move. Unable to scream. I sob in choked gasps as fingers claw their way down my throat. The pain is so severe. I plead for death’s release. All I’m able to do is squeeze my eyes shut and hope for an end.

“Tweek! Tweek!”

My eyes won’t open and my chest tightens.

“Tweek!”

With all energy and willpower I can muster, my eyes flash open- terrified to close them again. The fear still grips me and I stare transfixed on the ceiling, my breathing labored and out of my control. There is a throbbing in my throat and my legs tremble as I draw them back together. Lying absolutely still I adjust to my surroundings and calm my shaking breaths. My eyes orientate in the dark room. I can make out the features of a beautiful boy. His eyes wide and blue.

“What was that, Tweek?” He whispers.

“I think you brought your sleep paralysis demon with you.” I say breathing slowly.

Craig looks at me with his brows drawn in and lips slightly parted. “When I have sleep paralysis I just see a shadow in the corner of the room… What did you just go through?”

_I thought everyone went through the same thing… Why does he look so distressed?_

“Why? What was I doing?”

He averts his eyes and takes a few shallow breaths, “I woke up when your body started shaking. I just thought you were having a bad dream… But when I put my hand in yours, you cried out for me not to touch you then you started sobbing. You looked so upset and… disturbed.”

_How embarrassing._

“I’m sorry, Craig. I really am. I’ll try to be quieter. I promise.” Sleep beckons me and despite the fear of the darkness returning, I want to avoid this conversation more.

“No. Tweek?” I draw my eyes open, staring fixated on the celling.

Craig moves further away and I can feel his eyes bore into me.

“What just happened? …What was that?”

I let out an exasperated sigh and turn my head away from him. _I hate even thinking about it, let alone talking about it._ I explain the uncomfortable experience I have sometimes when I’m between asleep and awake. I’ve been through it so many times and it still terrifies me. But saying it out loud gives me an uneasy feeling in my stomach, a pounding in my head. I don’t want him to think I’m weird so I hold back some of the details.

“… No one can hear me scream so all I do is shut my eyes and cry. I don’t know why I don’t want to be touched… I really am sorry Craig” I say turning back to him, “I honestly didn’t mean to wake you.”

His eyes flick back and forth, taking in every detail of my face. He continues to stare and his expression becomes pained. His lips slightly part, “Tweek, I’m about to ask you something. And you absolutely do not have to answer it, okay?” Craig shifts his body even farther away from mine, leaving us an arms lengths apart. _I already don’t like this._

I hesitate and try to read his expression, “Okay?”

His pale blue eyes stare into mine and he takes in a shaky breath, “Were you ever sexually abused?”

_What?! No! Of course not! Nothing like that ever happened! Nothing happened, I swear! I promise I don’t remember! It was an accident! It wasn’t abuse! I made myself a target… that’s what happens. It was my fault anyways... He didn’t mean to. It was so long ago it shouldn’t matter. Why bother asking? It was nothing. He… told me to forget…_

“I mean…” I draw my eyes down and pull my brows together, “maybe… but I don’t know… I barely remember anything…” my voice gets quieter, “I was supposed to forget...”

“Tweek?” I hear him whisper from besides me, “What happened?”

I avert my gaze and try to remember what I was told to forget. My head spins stringing the events back together again. Blurry images cross through my mind, images I’ve spend so long trying to forget. Feelings of guilt, resentment, and pain nauseate my stomach. The color drains from my face. Despite my frozen tongue, the words I’ve held back for almost ten years start spilling out to him.

“After what happened in 3rd grade, with the Boy Scout leader, all the parents took their kids out of the program, even mine. During the summer going into 5th grade, I begged and begged my parents to let me back in the scouts… I’ve always been a pushover, someone everyone stepped on, the weak, wimpy kid that was always shaking and crying. Even at that age I wanted to be stronger... I told them they had a new leader, someone that could help me toughen up, someone I could look up to, to… make me a better person… I finally convinced my parents to let me back in... I remember how excited I was... That season, they had a different troop leader. There were only four of us enrolled. Our troop leader said at the end of the season, he would take one of us on a special camping trip. He said he would pick only the strongest and the smartest scout… After several meetings, he started asking me to come in early. He would give me simple little jobs to do. Jobs that ‘only I could do’. He would give me money and small gifts, tell me I was special and more mature than the other boys. Every time I got a question right, he would clap his hands with a huge grin on his face and tell the other kids how smart I was, I was ‘special’.”

I pause and stare at the floor, furrowing my brow, “…But I wasn’t special. I have never been special. No one has ever thought I was special. I’m just stupid. And it’s easy to trick stupid people… At the end of the season he chose me to go on the camping trip with him. The day of the trip, I felt so proud. I thought I really was strong and mature. This camping trip was to prove to myself that I really wasn’t the shaky weakling that everyone had called me in 4th grade… But… I can’t even remember where he took me... We hiked for hours deep into the woods, I didn’t recognize anything… there were no trails, no people… I remember helping him set up a tent… He said he only brought one tent so we could stay warm.” 

_But nothing happened. Nothing. Nothing. Happened. I don’t even remember anything! Why would Craig even ask?! He must want something from me!_ My breathing becomes strained and a sudden flood of anger washes through me. I grip my blanket and let out a long deep breath. Tears well behind my eyes and I squeeze them shut, still the weak crying boy from 4th grade. _Craig isn’t going to believe me! He’ll call me a liar!_ The overwhelming desire to run seizes me but I lay there frozen. A cold bead of sweat forms on my brow and rolls into my matted hair. _I will lose him if I say anything! I know it! He will laugh at me! Everyone will laugh at me!_ My head throbs and stomach twists into knots. I don’t want to say anything. I don’t even remember anything. I fight against it, but for a reason I don’t understand, words continue to pour out of my dry mouth.

“That night, he told me we needed to take off our clothes to stay warm, so I took off my uniform and used it like a mattress on the cold floor… I remember feeling like a true Boy Scout. He took off his uniform too and tucked it under me. He lay down behind me and said he wanted to keep me warm… he started touching me and running his hands up and down my body. Soon after, he asked me to touch him. To touch him in places I didn’t want to… I started to feel uncomfortable, so I crossed my arms and curled up in a ball. He started grabbing at my arms and legs and that’s when I started screaming and crying… I was thrashing my arms and legs to try and get away. I was desperately hoping someone would hear me… He held my shoulders down and I watched as he pulled out rope and tape from his bag. After that, I couldn’t scream, I wasn’t able to move. The more I tried to move, the tighter the bindings got. All I could control was keeping my eyes closed... I remember feeling him inside me and clawing at my thighs. I had never been in so much pain before... When I would try to cry, the tape over my mouth would keep me from breathing. I was suffocating and frozen… I was so scared. I thought I might die… Part of me hoped I would…” 

I draw my glassy eyes up to the ceiling, trying to dissociate myself from the events that scarred me. “After laying there for what felt like an eternity, I saw the sun through my closed eyes, I had been crying for so long I didn’t think I’d be able to open them at all, but I did, I finally saw the sun coming through the thin tent. He dragged me up but kept my hands tied. I was forced to watch him clean my blood from off the floor of the tent and then bury our uniforms. When he untied me he threw a clean uniform at me without a word… On the way back down the mountain I was still in so much pain, I couldn’t stop crying… He gripped my shoulders tightly and pinned me against a tree… He said if I didn’t stop crying he’d leave me there in the middle of the forest… he would make it so I would never remember… he said I’d never wake up at all…. When I stopped crying he told me not to tell anyone. That no one would believe me anyways. He said nothing even happened at all… So I tried to forget about it. I pretended like it never happened. I never told anyone... I deserved it for being so naive. I was weak and I couldn’t fight back hard enough… It really was my fault.”

I shut my eyes and wait for the balcony door slide open, for him to call me a liar. But all I hear is the ticking of my watch and my own soft breaths. Desperate to look at his face again I glance up, even if it’s just to see at him walking away. I just want to see him, one last time. His arm lay lank over his eyes, the soft reflection from the moon illuminating his tear stained face. His arm slides down and his eyes fill with a translucent layer of tears. He gazes at me with shaking, flushed lips and an aching that pulls at my heartstrings.

“Can I touch you?” he whispers breathlessly.

I nod my head, unable to form a single word.

In the darkness, he shifts his body closer to mine, hesitating before wrapping his strong arms around me in a warm embrace. I bury my face in his chest and feel him shaking. His breathing uneven and pained. He lifts one of his long arms up and gently places it on the back of my head. His chest hitches pressed against my cheek. A warm tear falls onto my blond hair.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He whispers, pulling me in closer.

My vision blurs and sadness tears at my chest, I raise my hands to my face and begin sobbing. He holds me close in silence on his tear soaked chest. I feel broken, defeated. _Who could ever love a broken person?_

“I’m sorry.” I murmur into his chest.

“Never,” his voice breaks, “apologize for this. Ever.”

I try to ease my sobs by listen to his heartbeat. Soon, my tears stop flowing, my eyes get heavy, his scent surrounds me. I close my eyes, wrapped in the safety of his arms.


	21. Chapter 21

The alarm clock blares, echoing in the room. Before I have a chance to lean over, Craig stretches out his long arm and hits the snooze button. He hums then returns to stroking my hair. I lazily close my eyes and hope the next ten minutes last all day. After what feels like two minutes, the impatient alarm clock resonates even louder in the tiny space. Once again, Craig reaches out to silence it.

“Wanna ditch today?” He murmurs.

I open my blearily eyes. “Every day. But I can’t.”

“Mmh. 10 more minutes then.”

We wrap our bodies closer together and wait for the inevitable wake up call. The final alarm goes off and I drag myself out of bed. Craig stays unmoving with just his boxers on, shielding his eyes from the morning sun. I pull on a fresh pair of faded jeans with my usual undershirt and button up. By the time I finish pulling up my wool socks Craig rolls out of bed. I walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth and run a comb through my disobedient hair. I come back into the room and Craig had already managed to fit into his ripped skinny jeans- scanning the floor for what I assume is his shirt. I pause at the door to admire the charming boy with the big heart digging around my room. He finally manages to locate his shirt near the balcony and throws it on over his head before sliding his arms into his black jacket.  


“Your hat is by your bag.” I say with a smile.

Craig flicks his azure eyes up to me with a crooked smile. Gathering the rest of his belongings before following me downstairs. I stroll into the kitchen and grab my large green thermos from the cupboard. Craig's sinewy body leans against the counter with his arms crossed, watching intently as I pour my coffee.

“Want any Craig?”

He holds his hand up to me and shakes his head.

I twist the lid on my thermos and start making my way out the door. I walk pass Craig and his lips turn up into a small smile. He gently grasps my arm and pulls me into him. With a warm hand on my chin he tilts my head up and his lips capture mine. We pull apart and his eyes shone brightly into me, his hand rises to softly brush my cheek. My face warms under his soft hand. I head straight to the door in an effort to avoid him seeing me so easily moved by his simple gestures.

“I think we’re going to be late, Craig.” I say, locking the door behind us.

“Nah, I brought my car.” Craig pulls out his keys from his pocket and spins them around his finger. 

“I don’t see it.”

“I parked at Clyde’s”

I peer down the street to Craig’s beat-up car parked a few houses down. We trudge through the slush on the sidewalk and I wait by the passenger door to open. His car is freezing but the company keeps me warm. He slowly pulls away from the curb and leisurely drives in the direction of our school. 

“Like it, Tweek?”

I glance out the window as familiar faded buildings go by like a view finder. I turn my eyes down to the floor of the car, still littered with cigarette butts and old disposable cups, “Like what?”

Craig smiles without taking his eyes off the road. “I’m actually driving the speed limit. I thought you’d be proud.”

I turn my eyes up to him with a hint of a smirk. “Very proud, Craig. Go you.”

Craig flashes me a big cheesy smile. 

We pull into the East parking lot and I crawl out the car. He joins me by my side and we take a moment to stare at the school, an aura of dread surrounding us. Reluctantly, we drag our feet to the entrance.

The first three periods I’m forced to sit through are tediously long. Teachers drone on and on about a blur of subjects I don’t care about. I fill in the easiest answers and skip over anything that requires a complete sentence or an essay. So long as I get C’s in these classes, I will graduate. I have no interest in college or continuing my education elsewhere. I can live a good life with just a GED and a job that makes me happy.  
The bell signaling the start of lunch rings and I throw my untouched books in my locker. Lunch is my new favorite period. It’s like my own little corner of heaven. It’s the shortest period, but still my favorite. By the time I arrive, the lunch line has already stretched to the entrance. _If I wait in this line it will take up half the period. Fuck it. I’ve got coffee._ I skip the line and walk to our table. My stomach drops when my eyes glance up to the two familiar figures leaning forward onto Craig, barley even sitting on their seats. My usual spot across from Craig is, unsurprisingly, occupied by Red. Her hair is fried yellow with brassy patches of pink peeking out from under her thick hair. Her shirt is thin and black, even from behind I am able to see most of her exposed mid drift as she perches herself forward. Next to Craig, Bebe sits with an unbelievably low cut shirt that spills shamelessly onto the table. Her face is painted with orange tones, mixed in with brown splotches and blinding pink cheeks. I can see bright blue paint slathered around her eyes when she looks up to glare at me. I cautiously approach the seat across from Bebe and notice Craig looking away with his eyes narrowed and jaw clenched.

“Um, Tweek?” Red bats her eyes at me in a high pitched voice, “Clyde is going to sit there.”

I raise my eyebrow but scoot one seat down anyways.

“Tweek!” 

_What is it now?_

“Yes, Bebe?”

“Don’t you realize that’s Token’s spot?!” She sneers, “He always sits there. Don’t be so rude. We’ve invited Nicole too and she is going to sit next Token. And of course, Stan is going to sit next to me since we’re dating now.” A stare of amusement grows on her face and her lips twist into a tight grin. 

I glance around the table and realize their plan.

“Okay… I-I’ll just go sit at my old table then.”

I turn my back to them as a loud screech reaches my ears. I snap my head in its direction and see Craig walking towards me. Red reaches out with her long nails and grips onto the left sleeve of his jacket as he walks by. He instinctively throws his arm back and glowers at her with flames in his eyes. 

“Now Craig, it would be inconsiderate to leave since I’m your best friend’s girlfriend. And Bebe is just trying to be nice. It would be wonderful if you’d be here to support her and Stan’s new relationship. They’re your friends after all, aren’t they?” Red pouts and sits back on her chair.

Craig gazes up at me, his face torn but feet unmoving. I just lower my head and leave. I’ve returned to the table I had gotten to know so well these past 4 years. I take my old seat and scan the cafeteria like I used to. I sit alone in a room full of laughing students, watching as groups of friends pass me by. Things have gone full circle. I stare longingly at Craig. Trying to avoid Red’s compulsive hair twirling and Bebe’s note writing. Clyde, Nicole, Token, and Stan arrive to take their spots and it feels like I never belonged with them to begin with. Craig’s face is void of any emotion, staring down the table just like he was that fateful day. But I can’t shake the feeling he is avoiding me. Clyde and Token laugh jovially at Stan’s story and the girls giggle in response. The distance between us seems to magnify and the familiar sinking feeling of loneliness seeps into my stomach. Stan’s voice gets louder and his hand motions become more exaggerated, leading the whole table in a chorus of laughter. Even Craig is smiling. Craig turns his head in my direction and I hold my breath. Desperate for our eyes to meet. Instead, he stares back at Red. He looks her in the eye with a softness only I have seen. His head lowers and a brush of pink graces his face. My stomach twists but I can’t look away. He slowly turns up to her with the gentle smile I’ve come to love, and his stare that would leave me breathless.

 _Have these past 5 months just been a part of my imagination? Was this all a sick joke? Did Craig just get that information out of me to turn it all into some sort manipulation?! I told him my secrets. My biggest secret. He told them all, I know he did! That’s why they’re all laughing! They’re laughing at me! He’s going to tell everyone now! I’ll forever be known as the weak shaky gay boy that was raped in 5th grade!_ I feel a lump forming in my throat and a knot in my chest. I stare down at my thermos and shut my eyes, trying to hold back tears as my chin trembles. _I just want lunch to end. I just want all of this to end. I want to end._ I grip my thermos tighter until my knuckles turn white. My body begins to shake and I can’t keep my hands still despite my tight grip. _Why can’t this just be over already? I feel dirty. Used._ I can’t help but look back at the table with misty eyes. _They all look so natural. I never fit in with them. They only kept me around to find out what would hurt me the most then use that against me. I was stupid to think I had friends... Someone like me doesn’t have friends._

The deafening bell screams in my ears and I lower my head until my forehead rests on the table. _I can’t let everyone see that I’m on the verge of tears. I don’t want them to hurt me._ When the shuffling from the cafeteria dies down, I pick myself off of the seat and scurry to my locker, never lifting my eyes from the checkered hallway. I finally arrive and raise my weary head to put in my combination. Out of the corner of my eye, there is a folded piece of pink paper sticking out of my locker door. I pluck the pink paper from its location and with shaking hands I read the message:

Tweek, you are way out of your league.  
They only kept you around because they felt sorry for you  
You creep out everyone!  
I don’t know how they were able to put up with you for so long  
The way you look at Craig is fucking disgusting!  
He isn’t a fag!  
If you killed yourself, you’d be doing the world a favor faggot

I can hear my own pulse beating in my ears, drowning out all other sounds, the room spins around me and my eyes can barely focus. I stumble across the hall and grope around for the nearest door to avoid collapsing in the hallway. I pry open a yellow door and stumble inside, falling to my knees. _I can’t breathe!_ I feel nothing except my own body violently shaking then my head striking the cold linoleum floor, sticky warmth trickles down my forehead. My heartbeat throbs in my ears, growing louder and louder, my mind clouds with dread and I can’t suck in any air. I try to scream but my throat has closed, all I could do was stifle a silent sob. I hold my hands up to cover my ears and bring my knees to my chest. Every negative thought I’ve had swirls in my mind and berates me into submission. My head pounds as their voices ring in my ears.

“Tweek!”

The drumming of my heartbeat muffles the voices around me; all I can hear are my own gasps for air and approaching footsteps.

“Breathe, Tweek!”

_I can’t breathe! I’m going to die! Just leave me here to die! Please!_

My thoughts run rampant in my head. Nothing slows down - only spins faster while I struggle for air. Wet tears roll off my cheeks and land on the floor. My heart is frozen and my stomach fills with ice.

My body jerks up against my will and the last bit of air escapes from my chest.

My cold achy lungs expand and collapse in a deliberate attempt to smother me. Cold tears fall shamelessly onto my face, my body shakes out of my control, all I feel is the encroaching despair I want to fall into. There is a tugging on my hand. Every muscle is screaming at me but I don’t have the strength to fight.  
Just as frigid despair drags me down into its unforgiving depths, warmth spreads across my cold fingertips, a gentle pressure caresses my damp cheek.

“Breathe with me.”

Under my shaking hand there is a faint heartbeat, a chest slowly contracting and expanding. It’s… so warm.

“Breathe with me.”

I focus my racing thoughts on the flutter beneath my trembling fingertips. Soft fabric brushing against my skin. A calm voice above me.

“Breathe with me.”

Slow rise. Gentle fall. Warmth. _No. NO! It’s not okay! None of this is okay! No one cares about me! Nobody stays with me! They’re all just laughing at me! I really should just kill myself!_  
My breathing picks up in heavy and jagged breaths as air refuses to reach my lungs. Pained cries escape through my shaking lips and everything spins into darkness again.

“Stay with me, Tweek.”

I squeeze my eyes tighter and struggle for air.

“Just. Breathe.” 

The familiar voice rings in my ears and my head stops spinning. 

“Please look at me.”

Fighting for air, I manage to open my eyes but my surroundings are warped in a hazy blur.

“Breathe with me.”

A gentle rise and fall. Rise. Fall. A faint heartbeat. So warm.

“Look at me.”

My blurry eyes flick around the room. Sapphire begins to shine through the world of darkness.

“Keep looking at me.”

My eyes start to focus in on the calm black haired boy in front of me. My arm outstretched to his chest. 

“Breathe with me.”

In. Out. In. Out. Slower…. Slower.

“Keep breathing with me.”

I feel my throat opening again. In. Out. In. Out.

“Breathe with me.”

My aching head relaxes on his hand. The familiar scent from his exposed wrist stilling my body.

“Just breathe.”

I watch him take a deep breath in and slowly out. The feeling of the rise and fall on my hand. A warmth. A calmness.

“Someone in here?!” 

The door begins to rattle violently. I instinctively clench my hand onto his shirt and try to pull away. His hand stay unmoving, gently pressing mine back onto his heart. 

“It’s locked. Don’t worry.” He says quietly, “Just keep looking at me.”

I gaze back to him and watch him breathe. His thumb moves across my cheek, wiping away a tear as it begins to fall. My eyes gently close. I feel his heartbeat beneath my hand. His chest rising and falling. A warm hand pressed against my cheek. The smell of pine, sweat, and cigarettes. His breathing. In. And out. In. And out.

“Tweek?”

My eyes flutter open and I drop my arm from his chest. 

“Are you okay?”

I shake my head, breathing out a quiet sob.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

My mouth is dry. I’m not ready to say anything. My eyes gloss over to the crumpled note near the door. Craig follows my line of sight to the pink paper on the ground. 

He turns back to me, “Is it okay if I get up?”

I groan and nod my head. I watch him cross over to the door and pick up the crumpled paper with a bloody hand. His eyes move back and forth as he reads the note. My tired eyes close and I rest my head on the closed piano with a sudden sting.

“Hey, Tweek?”

I tear open my eyes but lack the energy to move my head. 

“Wanna get out of here?”

My body is heavy and all emotion has been drained from me. Craig crosses into my line of view and tilts his head.

“Babe, let’s get out of here.”


	22. Chapter 22

My aching head rests against on the frosty, damp window of Craig’s car. Time crawls by and I could swear I’ve been here for hours. His hand rests on my knee but we both sit in silence. My ears pop and eyes slowly open, adjusting to the sun reflecting off the snow surrounding us. The town is invisible. Trees whisk by the window, flashes of green and traces of white fly by in a cold, colorful blur. Tired, I close my eyes again.

“Where are we going?” I mutter.

“You’ll see when we get there.”

Too tired to argue I press my cheek against the gelid window. There is no music playing. The only sounds are from the hum of the engine and the snow crunching under the tires of the car. I begin to realize that I missed the last two periods of school. I never cared for them anyways. I don’t want to go back. I don’t belong there. My head involuntary lifts from the window and my body slides to the left. I peek out the window only to see more snow draped trees and a poorly graveled road, my stomach drops with dread. _Please don’t make me walk anywhere._ The car slows along the gravel path then comes to a gradual stop next to a bank of snow covered trees.

“Okay, we’re here.” He says.

_Oh God I am going to have to walk._

I gaze up at Craig with my lips drawn down and red-rimmed eyes.

“We’re not going far, babe. I’m not going to leave you. I promise.”

_Babe? I think he’s called me that before._

I grab the door with shaking hands and pull on the handle with what little energy I have left. Craig appears above me and opens the door wide. He gives me a small smile and stretches his hand out to me. I’ve made no movements to bring myself out of the car, yet I place my hand in his. He grabs onto my elbow with his other hand and lifts me out of the car. I stand outside in the frigid mountain pass and hug my arms around myself. My body shivers and the powdery snow beneath my feet seeps into my worn shoes, sending chills through my body. Craig unzips his black jacket and casually passes it to me, revealing a thin black shirt underneath.

“Aren’t you cold?” I ask, still looking down.

He turns to me with a smile in his voice, “I’m warm blooded. I’ll be fine.”

I slip my arms into his large jacket, becoming soothed by his sweet scent. My feet stay firmly planted in the wet snow with no willpower to move forward. His fingers slide into mine and he leads me down a snowy unmarked path. I trail him closely behind, gripping tightly to our intertwined hands. My feet stumble over every obstacle.

“How are you doing?”

“Tired” I mumble.

“We’re almost there.”

My knees shake and my chilblained feet stop moving as soon as Craig lets go of my hands. He steps ahead and parts the leaves on a large pine tree. I reluctantly step out of the thicket and my tired eyes fill with awe. An argent-silver lake lays frozen in front of us. Trees dripping with melting crystal surround the lake like a crying audience. The sun reflecting off the snow twinkled like a million little diamonds, illuminating the still lake and drenching my face with a brilliant light. Dove-white mountains soared in the sky and the small town of South Park was merely stardust in the distance. There are no people. No cars. It was a silent frozen oasis that had been trapped in time. I step out of the thicket and my worries get swept away in the purling breeze. Craig bends down and brushes the powdery snow off of a fallen log. My lips part and eyes widen, continuing to scan the tranquil vista. He gently takes his hand in mine and leads me to the log in front of us. It feels nice to finally sit down. He wraps his right arm around my waist and pulls me closer until his warm body envelops mine.

“This is my favorite place to go. Whether it’s after fighting with my dad or I just need a place to be alone.” He looks out at the vast landscape of white and inhales deeply, “I’m sorry you had to go through what you did today… I wish you could just forget about what that note said, but I know that’s impossible... None of it is true. Absolutely none of it. Everyone cares about you. You’re so kind and tenderhearted... I’m different when I’m with you. I smile more. Laugh more. You listen to me and show me that you care, you're not just pretending. I’ve put you through so much yet, you’re still here. Still by my side. You’re the most important person in my life. Seeing you like that today… it broke my heart.”

I stay fixated on the frozen lake but feel his eyes boring into me.

“I’m so sorry Tweek. I feel like I had something to do with what happened today.” He says quietly.

I turn my body to towards him, keeping my eyes down. Contrasting his fair delicate skin, my eyes run up the raised jagged scar on his left arm.

“Do you want your jacket back?” I say without making eye contact.

“No, you can keep it.”

“Your scar is turning purple.”

“It does that sometimes, I’m fine.”

I softly lay head onto his shoulder, burying my face into his thin shirt. I’m emotionally drained and yet a tear escapes from the corner of my eye. Its cold icy sting draws down my face and freezes on my skin. His warm hand reaches up and brushes my cheek. He pulls my hips closer to him and rests his head on mine… Neither one of us says a word. We sit in silence and let the moment simply be. He starts humming a slow, beautiful song I don’t recognize. I feel the vibrations in his chest, stilling my whole body. The air is brisk and my lungs fill with crisp clean air. I work up the energy to move my lanky arms and wrap them around his waist. He rubs my arm with gentle strokes and my tired eyes close with a soft smile. He presses his lips to my hair and continues humming his foreign tune. My body calms and I find my voice again in this incredible place.

“Craig?”

He lifts his head and gazes down at me.

“When I was alone today… it felt like everyone had forgotten about me. That you were all laughing at me. You had told them all my secrets and I was going to be taunted and ridiculed by everyone, for the rest of my life… I couldn’t get those thoughts out of my head. I became obsessed and couldn’t think of anything else. Then I noticed the pink note in my locker. When I read it, it confirmed all my fears. Everything started spinning and I couldn’t breathe… I wasn’t strong enough to handle it.”

He gently squeezes my hand and takes a deep breath, “I’m so sorry, Tweek. Every time I looked at you, you had your head down. I knew you were hurting... I should have ignored everyone else… I thought you had left early so I went looking for you. When I finally found you, you were running into the music room. I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I say lifting my head, “you helped me in the end.”

He stares out into the lake with a stoic expression, “I should have helped you in the beginning.”

I gaze down again and grasp his shirt with my hand. A shiver radiates through his whole body and I shift away.

“We should head back.”

“Mmh?” His nose is red and he begins scratching at his purple scar.

“You look freezing. Please take your jacket back.”

I start sliding my arm through one of the oversized sleeves. Craig pulls the shoulder back onto me and runs his hand down my arm.

“I told you, I’m fine.” He lies with a smile. “We can head back to the car though.”

I nod in agreement and accept his outstretched hand. We turn back, leaving the ethereal frozen lake behind us.


	23. Chapter 23

The heat in the car is turned to the highest setting but I’m still shivering from the cold. I gaze over at the short sleeved boy next to me as he stares unflinching at the road. The windows have fogged in response to our body heat, making the scenery through the window impossible to see. Craig still has his hand on my leg as we carefully make our way down the mountain.

“Craig?”

“Mmh?” He says without taking his eyes off of the road.

I reach down and place his icy hand in mine. His fingers reddened and his scar a light shade of lilac. I wrap my hand around his and grip lightly around his fingertips.

“Thanks for this. Taking me here, I mean.”

“Any time. How’s your head?”

I reach my other hand up to my forehead and graze my finger over the square gauze taped to my head. It feels slightly tender but in all honesty, I had completely forgotten about it. I furrow my brows and try to remember where it even came from, or how it got bandaged. The day still feels hazy but in the flurry of events - I vaguely remember a sharp pain.

“It’s fine, but… what happened?” I ask, tracing the tape down my temple. 

His eyes quickly dart to me before his attention returns to the road. He pursues his lips and a look of concern spreads across his face. 

“I’m sorry to ask Tweek… but how much of today do you remember?” 

I glance down and try to recall the day’s events, but my mind comes up with a blank. 

“I remember classes then, lunch… reading the note… and I know I had a panic attack… then I ended up in your car.” I glance back at Craig, his expression remains unchanged. 

“… Tell me what happened between leaving the school and getting in my car.” 

“I think you bandaged my head?” 

“You think or you know?” 

My mind brings up images of a red plastic case in the back of a car. A slight sting and saddened blue eyes. 

“I know.” I say with confidence. 

“Okay… and once again, I’m sorry, but what happened right as you started having your panic attack and tell me something that happened in the middle.” 

I raise an eyebrow at him and try to figure out what he’s getting at. “I remember falling on my knees… and someone trying to get into the music room… Oh wait… I hit my head on the linoleum didn’t I?” 

Craig’s face relaxes and his lip curves into a small smile. “I couldn’t tell if you had a concussion or are just really good at repressing your memories. Both are bad. But I’m glad you’re not concussed.” 

I smile softly and look down at his hand in mine “I’ve had concussions before - I don’t have any headaches or blurred vision or anything like that. But I’ll have you know, repressing memories is one of my few talents.” 

He chuckles and shakes his head; a genuine smile appears across his face. “I swear you’ll be the death of me, Tweek.” 

I gaze back down at his fingers that have regained their color and brush them lightly with my hand. 

“Did you want me to drop you off at home?” He asks. 

I bite my lip and take a deep breath in, “Actually, if it’s not too much trouble. Could I stay with you tonight?" 

His hand on my leg turns up and I lace my fingers in his. 

“Of course you can.” 

We enjoy a few moments of peace until Craig’s phone begins to shake continuously in the cup holder of his car. Craig groans and returns his hand to the steering wheel. 

“Do you mind reading those for me, babe? 

_Babe._

“Uh, yeah, no problem.” I unlock his phone and glance up Craig then back to the phone. “There are 2 missed calls and 6 texts.” 

He groans again. “Just read the texts.” 

I manage to find the messenger app and notice there are way more than just 6 unread texts. 

“Uh, one is from Token and the other five are from Clyde.” 

“Well that’s obnoxious. What does the one from Token say?” 

I press on Token Black’s name:  
**Hey man where are you? I didn’t see you in class.**

“Don’t respond. What do the ones from Clyde say?” 

I press on Clyde Donovan’s name:   
**Hey dude where are you? You were supposed to give me a ride home!**

Craig lets out a small laugh, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Next one?” 

**When you get this meet at Tokens.**

****

“Next.” 

****

**Do you have any pot? We’re all out here.**

********

Craig lets out an annoyed grunt. “What time is it?” 

********

I look up from the phone, “The time now or the time the text was sent?” 

********

“Now.” 

********

“4:30.” 

********

********

“Hmm, not too late then. How many texts are left?” 

********

“Two.” 

********

“Fuck. Okay what are they?” 

********

**Do you know what happened to Tweek? I didn’t see him today either.**

********

“Okay last one.” 

********

“Ummm..” 

********

**If you see Tweek invite him to the mansion too.**

********

My lips turn up into a smile and a weight lifts from my shoulders. 

********

“We’re going to have to stop at my place and pick up some pot. Don’t worry. My dad is at work till 6.” 

********

I peer out the window again and the fog has cleared up. The town in the distance creeps closer and closer. I press my body back into the worn seat of the car. My hands clam up and sweat forms on my brows as the “South Park” sign flies past us. I wrap my arms around myself in hopes that will ease the nausea in my stomach. Craig’s house is on the South side of town and we shortly drive up to the unkempt brown house. The house is looming but my nausea subsides when I peek out the window and sigh in relief when there are truly no cars in the driveway. We unlock the doors and step outside into the cold. I turn back to Craig and notice he is already facing me. 

********

“Ready?” He says. 

********

“I guess so.” 

********

I pause and look up at the ominous brown house. Knowing the horrors that go on in there I can only imagine what Craig is feeling. I follow him closely to the chipped wooden door. He slides the key into the lock and the door cracks open with a low moan. The door opens to a dingy living room, dust laid over almost every surface. Thick torn curtains darkened everything. Teal paint peels off the walls and water stains give off a musty, suffocating smell. Dozens of beer cans and broken glass litter the ground near a worn orange couch with sunken in cushions. The carpets are stained and ripped. Every step I take creaks through the house like a child’s whimper. Broken mirrors and picture frames hang askew on the walls - glass coating the floor around them. Every breath I take makes my stomach ache, I was breathing in so much pain. I had never felt so empty, so cold. I stepped back towards the stairs and realize this isn’t a home at all. It’s a gateway to hell. 

********

By the time I’m able to catch my breath, Craig is already half way up the stairs. I gingerly follow him up the groaning steps and watch as he digs around the dresser in his room. I take my first step to join him then my eyes roam over to the nearby bathroom’s door, slightly ajar. I glance back at Craig rummaging around his room then tip-toe into the bathroom. It looks like any other bathroom would, porcelain sinks and white tile molded to the floors and walls. The closed glass door on the shower tub was coated with layers of lime and caked on water stains. The lid of the toilet was closed and everything looked sterile. I take a few more steps in and try to slide the shower door open with my trembling hands. The wheels on the track of the shower resist my insistent pushing but finally give way with a squeaking thump. I stare wide-eyed at the wall on the left side of the tub. Red stains coat the porous grout and sink down into the tub below. My eyes follow the trail down to the drain where a wide pool of pink reaches out to each side. A queasy feeling churns in my stomach and a lump forms in my throat, tears begin to form behind my eyes. 

********

“Did you want a grand tour of the house?” 

********

I jump back to see Craig leaning against the frame of the door. His arms crossed across his chest. Staring expressionless with his cobalt eyes. 

********

“N-no, sorry Craig.” I stutter. 

********

He shrugs his shoulders and turns his back to me, beckoning me with his finger. 

********

I follow him out of the bathroom and from behind me, another door flies open. My body tenses and I am unable to move. Craig turns back with a wide grin blooming on his face. 

********

“Hey Tricia!” 

********

A young girl in pigtails comes skipping down the hall with her arms open wide. Craig gets down on his knees and accepts her in his arms, releasing her with a smile and loving eyes. 

********

“How’d the math test go?” 

********

“I got a B+! Thanks for helping me study!” 

********

Craig beams at her and lifts his hand for a high five. 

********

Tricia looks up at me with curious eyes and a glowing smile, “Is this your boyfriend, Craig?” 

********

My body freezes. Craig laughs and turns to me. 

********

“Yeah, this is Tweek.” 

********

She reaches out her small hand to me and I put my sweaty hand in hers. 

********

“I’m glad I finally get to meet you, Craig always says nice things about you.” 

********

I feel my face flush as Craig turns to me with an affectionate smile. 

********

“Do you have enough leftovers for dinner and breakfast, Trish?” 

********

She nods her head affirmatively. 

********

“Perfect. Could you feed Stripe and Plaid for me while I’m gone?” 

********

“Absolutely!” 

********

“Thanks, Tricia. I should be back tomorrow afternoon. Stay out of dad’s way and call me if you need anything.” 

********

Tricia smiles brightly and stretches her arms out again. Craig returns her hug then kisses her lightly on the head before waving goodbye and walking out the door. We tread down the snowy steps to Craig’s blue car and I hop inside. I stare at Craig as his car comes to life. 

********

“Boyfriend?” 

********

He turns to me with soft eyes and his charming smile. “Well, what would you call it?” 

********

My mouth hangs open and I wrack my brain for the words to say. 

********

“N-no. It’s not that. I just… like the way it sounds.” 

********

He chuckles as he takes off down the street toward Token’s. 

********


	24. Chapter 24

“Hey! Where were you guys today?” Clyde inquires the moment we walk through the door. 

“We ditched. Anything interesting happen while we were gone?” 

I take off my jacket stepping into the warm house. I look down with burning cheeks realizing I was still enveloped in Craig's zip-up jacket. 

“Nothing interesting until I found out that my ride had mysteriously disappeared.” 

Craig stifles a laugh and takes his jacket from my hands, sliding it back on himself. “Sorry, dude. I forgot.” 

Clyde waves his hand with an annoyed expression. Craig pulls out a large baggie from his jean pockets and shakes it with a half grin. 

“I brought weed though.” 

Clyde cracks a smile. “Okay, I guess I can forgive you, just this once.” 

I walk over towards Clyde’s recliner and perch myself on the nearby couch, watching Craig grab the rolling tray from the hallway closet. 

Clyde twists his head around and raises his eyebrow, “What happened to your head, Tweek?” 

I freeze and try to avoid Craig’s stare, “I-I fell.” 

Clyde shrugs then turns his attention back to the TV. 

“Where’s Token?” Craig asks, sitting down next to me on the couch. 

“He’ll be here soon.” 

“Mmh. How many joints did you want?” 

Clyde shifts his weight uncomfortably in his chair, “2 blunts.” 

Craig looks at him side-eyed, “Okay… blunts it is.” 

Craig stares at Clyde as he gets up and heads towards his bag. I glance at Clyde rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the corner of the room. 

_What’s going on?_

Craig returns with 2 backwoods cigars and begins unraveling the fragile leaf, removing the stringy tobacco. He grinds the pot in a tall metallic grinder before tapping it onto the tray. Clyde flips through the channels until he finds the sports section then raises the footrest. I glance back at Craig while he’s sealing the leaf with his tongue. He puts it to the side and begins rolling another one. I inch closer to him until our knees touch. He pauses to gaze down at me with the sweetest smile before finishing the last one with a flick of his tongue. 

“Hey guys! What’s up?!” Token strides through the door with Nicole and a beaming grin. “Oh hey Tweek! We missed you at lunch today!” 

I turn to wave then a cold, static rush of air travels through me and my hands begin to shake. Red storms into the room with a fierce scowl of utter disgust etched on her face. She flips her head to me, her eyes ablaze with burning malevolence. 

Craig looks up and freezes, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He says under his breath. 

Clyde awkwardly climbs out from his recliner and scurries over to Red. He leans into her and gives her a lovingly peck on the cheek. Red pays him no attention and continues to scowl at me from across the room. 

“Hey, hun,” Craig whispers to me, “move all the way to the end of the couch.” 

Confused, I scoot down a few seats over and Craig moves with me, sandwiching me between him and the arm of the couch. 

“You guys want to smoke! Craig just rolled 2 blunts for us!” Clyde turns from Red and lumbers back to his favorite recliner. 

“Oh, Craig rolled it!” Red’s eyes flick to him and her lips curl up into an impish grin, “That’s how you know it’s good quality.” 

Craig’s body tenses besides me and his eyebrows pull together, giving Red an icy glare. 

Red glides to the spot next to Craig. She slowly lowers herself onto the couch and crosses her legs facing him. Token and Nicole sit on the opposite side of the couch, sensing the uneasy atmosphere. 

“Light ‘em up, Craig!” Clyde yells, unable to tear his eyes from the TV screen. Craig flicks the lighter and brings it to the blunt, taking a long hit before passing it to me. I take a small breath in to avoid coughing and becoming a target of Red’s scorn. The blunt makes its way back towards us. Red places it between her middle and index finger and exhales slowing staring Craig right in the eyes. 

Red passes the blunt to Craig and leans in towards him, “Passing this to you is almost like we’re kissing.” 

Craig stares wide-eyed at Clyde who couldn’t be more oblivious. Token lets out a small cough as an awkward silence sweeps through the room. Craig hesitates before taking another hit and passing it back to me. 

“I’ll be right back.” Craig gets up and turns to his bag. Red doesn’t look away and shifts over to where he was sitting. Without looking up, Craig heads into the bathroom. Red turns her back to me and begins twirling her hair in my face, scooting further up on the seat to obscure my view of everyone else. Craig finally comes out of the bathroom and freezes in the doorway. He strides back to the couch and glowers over her. 

“You’re in my spot, Red.” He spits with venom. 

“Oh Craig, you can just sit here.” She turns to the seat next her, lightly rubbing her hand on the cushion. 

Craig’s jaw clenches and eyes narrow. “You must have misunderstood me, Red. You’re in my seat. Now, move.” 

Red rolls her eyes and reluctantly moves back over. Craig takes his seat back and the whole room feels him seething. When the blunt goes out everyone relaxes and begins chatting among themselves, everyone except Craig. Red looks around the room before slowly standing up. 

“Oh, weed always makes me so light headed.” She bats her eyes and stumbles backwards, turning her body into Craig. She takes a stumbling step towards him before dramatically falling in his lap, grabbing at his crotch as she catches herself. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!” Craig clenches his fists and jumps up from the couch, knocking over the coffee table with a thundering crash. “CLYDE! YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A FUCKING WHORE AND YOU NEED TO TELL HER TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” 

Craig storms off upstairs, leaving everyone wide-eyed and gaping. Without caring about arousing suspicion I quickly follow, leaving the tense atmosphere behind me. 

I knock lightly on the door, “Craig?” 

“What?!” 

I slowly crack open the door to him sitting on the side of bed. He has his elbows on his knees and his head lowered. I step quietly into the room and he glances up at me, his expression slowly softening. He lets out a long sigh and hangs his head down. I close the door behind me and silently sit by his side. 

“I’m sorry I lost my temper.” 

“It’s okay.” I whisper. 

He glances up at me and smiles apologetically. “I really just… can’t stand her. Especially after that shit she pulled at school today.” 

I sit rubbing my hands together as he lets out another sigh. 

“Hopefully she will leave us alone now.” 

I move back on the bed and drape my arms around his shoulders. He puts his hand up and brushes my arm. 

“I really am sorry though, Tweek.” He says quietly. 

I press my lips to his neck and hold my arms around him tighter. 

“I don’t like that side of me.” 

I kiss the nape of his neck and breathe in the scent of his hair. 

“When I get that way, I feel like I’m turning into my dad.” 

“You’re not your dad.” I murmur into his neck. 

“Still. I hope I didn’t upset you.” 

I take off my button up and move to stand in front of him. I put my hands on his shoulders and straddle his lap, staring until his eyes meet my gaze. His eyes slowly draw up to mine, his intensely brilliant eyes taking my breath away. I trace his jawline with the back of my hand and start running my fingers through his black hair. His eyes gaze deeply into me as his lips slightly part. I wrap my wrists around his neck and pull him into a deep, sensual kiss. His hand slides down my waist into the back of my pants as he pulls my body in closer to him. My tongue presses to his lips and he warmly accepts me into his sweet depths of his mouth. His hands move their way up under my shirt and his kisses become more demanding. His warm hand presses between my shoulder blades and my back arches into his body. I softly bite his lip and hear him groan against my cheek. His intoxicating scent takes me out of my own world and into his. Our bodies begin to grind together at a slow, rhythmic pace as I begin peeling off his jacket. With his warm hands under my shirt he slides it over my head without breaking the dance of our bodies. I trace my fingertips up his firm torso and watch spellbound as he removes his shirt. His hand reaches to the back of my neck, forcefully bringing us back together. We are pressed wholly against each other and his heart beat pounds next to mine. My pants tighten and I reach down to feel him underneath me. I sit back and fumble with the buttons on his tight jeans. He brushes my hand out of the way and deftly undoes the button. He begins to kiss my neck, grazing slightly with his lips. I take in a sharp breath of air feeling his teeth biting into my tender flesh. I stroke his length through his boxers and tremble as he breathes heavily onto me. One warm hand presses on my shoulder while the other quickly undoes my jeans. I wrap my arms around his neck and moan quietly into him. I feel him grinding on me, breathing in short ragged gasps. He runs his fingers through my hair and hitches me higher onto his lap. I unwrap my arms from around him and look deeply into lustful eyes, completely dilated with only a faint outline of sharp blue. I crawl off of him and as he sits up to follow me I push him back on the bed, watching his breathing become jagged and needy. I grab his black jeans and pull them off before I teasingly trace the elastic band of his boxers with my finger. His hips rise I slip them off and let them land on the floor. 

_Holy shit!_

His huge member stands erect before me and my cheeks flare with heat, my own groin throbbing. I carefully wrap my small shaking hand around its base and gently move my hand up and down his sex. My lips tingle and I lean forward to wrap him in my mouth. I suck delicately around the head and we both let out a heady moan. In rhythm with his rocking hips I put him deeper into my mouth. Using the tip of my tongue I make circular motions up and down his shaft. I gaze up to see his reddened cheeks and parted lips, softly whispering my name. I increase my pace with my wet hand around him and focus on massaging the base of his head with my tongue. My tongue dances in circles and I tighten my grip around him, moving up and down in methodical strokes. He moans softly and presses into me, my own breathing becoming faster and heavy. He begins rocking his hips in a hastening tempo to increase the pace in my hand. His moaning gets louder and his body quivers as my tongue runs all the way down him, sucking harder with each stroke of my hand. I keep stroking in a consistent speed and I glance up to his eyes staring down at me, filled with desperation and desire. I smile to myself and run my hand up his inner thigh... 

“Look at me while you cum.” I whisper as my mouth wraps around him again. I hear him take a sharp breath in as I force him all the way down my throat. I gaze up as his lips part and eyes softly close. His grip on my hair tightens and a long breathy moan escapes him as my mouth fills with his warm cum. He loosens his grip and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, whispering my name. He brushes my cheekbone with his thumb while I swallow him. 

I get off my knees and climb up back on the bed. He stretches out his left arm and I curl up next to him. He wraps his arm around me as I lay on my head on his beating chest. I close my eyes and listen as his heart rate slows and rapid breathing return to normal. I open my eyes and trace my finger up and down his chest as I wait for him to regain his composure. 

“Fuck.” He breathes out. 

I look up at the blue eye boy with the crooked smile. 

“What?” I ask with a smile. 

“You can add that to your list of many talents.” 

I let out a quiet laugh as he holds me closer to him. He leans down and lightly kisses me on the head. 

“Here. Let’s readjust.” 

Craig moves back on the bed and rests his head on a pillow, pulling the covers over him. I kick off my jeans and take my place at his side. He drapes his arm over my waist and pulls me in closer. His breathing on my neck sends a tingle down my spine. 

“Thanks, Tweek.” He murmurs into my neck. 

I close my eyes with a smile on my face, “Anytime, babe.” 

“And I’m not gonna lie,” I feel him smile and move his lips down my neck, kissing his bite mark, “you giving me a blowjob with a little bandage on your head was fucking adorable.” 

I chuckle and bury my head in the pillow. With his warmth surrounding me, I close my eyes and breathe him in. 


	25. Chapter 25

“Craig? I’m sorry.”

My eyes fly open as the doorknob rattles.

_Oh shit._

I frantically look at Craig as he is opening his eyes, he stares up at me blinking in quick successions. The door creaks open and a sudden panic spreads across his face. Our heads snap to the door just as Red steps inside. I feel all the air get sucked out of the room. Red’s eyes widen and she places a hand over her mouth. Her eyes draw down to the floor where our scattered clothes lay next to the bed. She takes a few steps back then darts out of the room.

“Fuck.” Craig hisses. He springs out of the bed and snatches his clothes from off of the floor - pulling his pants on in a frenzy as he dashes out the door.

I stay frozen, trying to wrap my mind around what just happened. I stagger out of bed and start dressing as if I’m in a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. I finally manage to slip my arm through the sleeve of my shirt and take off after Craig with my shirt improperly buttoned.

“What the hell was she even doing up there?!” Craig shouts from below.

I stumble down the stairs and watch Craig pace back and forth, running his hands through his hair.

“We thought she was going to the bathroom, dude! We had no idea, I swear!”

All the color had been drained from his face and he stares back at me with trembling lips. He drops his hands from his hair and closes his eyes with a small whimper. His shaking body gives out from under him and he falls to his knees onto the hard floor. He lowers his head and draws his hands up to his eyes. I cautiously approach and kneel on the floor next to him.

“I’m so sorry, dude.” Sorrow fills Clyde’s words as he looks away.

Token is silent but looks morose in his stare. Craig’s shoulders shake uncontrollably and his breathing comes out in uneven gasps. I place my hand on his knee but he remains unfazed. His hands still covering his flushed face. I see a small tear escape through his fingers. We all sit in silence, listening to his quiet sobs. My eyes flash to Clyde and Token, as if they have the answers I need. They look at me somberly and just shake their heads. Craig’s sobbing ceases and without a word - he stands up and walks out the door. I pull myself to my feet and watch him leave. My legs unable to follow.

“What do I do?” I whisper to myself. 

Token shakes his head and draws his hands down his face. 

“No one will believe Red,” Clyde breathes into the air, “she is a gossip… she couldn’t get Craig so now she will make up lies and it will all blow over.”

I stare at Clyde with parted lips. “But it’s not a lie.” I say in a hushed voice.

“No one knows that.” Clyde goes on, “Token and I are the only ones who know you’re together.”

My pulse races and mouth dries, “H-how long have you known?”

Clyde and Token turn to each other in confusion then draw their eyes back to me.

“Since that party we threw in the fall… It’d been a long time since Craig’s been happy. We knew it had something to do with you.”

My heart sinks and I turn to follow Craig outside. He sits hunch over on the snowy stoop, knee bouncing rhythmically. A large plume of smoke appears in front of him. I lower myself onto the stair next to him, not knowing what to say. Nothing I can say could change this situation. 

“I’m scared, Tweek.” He keeps his eyes forward and takes another drag from his cigarette with shaky hands. 

“No one is going to believe Red.” I say quietly. 

“That’s not it.” His voice cracks, “I’m afraid my dad is going to find out.” He exhales a cloud of smoke with a breathy cry. 

My throat tightens. _Now I understand why everyone is upset._

I place my hand on his tapping leg and watch it slowly calm under my cold hand. His breathing slows and he lets out a smoke filled sigh. He flicks his cherried cigarette into the powdery snow and continues to look out into the horizon. While his eyes stare straight ahead, I can’t help but admire him beside me: full lips, perfectly angled nose, prominent cheekbones, and lovingly ocean blue eyes hidden under thick black lashes. But his beauty extends from beyond the physical, he is so much more than that, he’s selfless and kindhearted. He makes me feel warm, safe…loved.

I inch closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder, my favorite place to be. I feel him kiss my head and we stay sitting in the cold, wondering what the future held.

I let out an involuntary shiver and he looks over to me, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you don’t have a jacket on.” He stands up slowly and turns to me with an outstretched hand. “Let’s go babe.”

I smile sweetly and place my hand in his.


	26. Chapter 26

“I figure if we go on like nothing ever happened, we won’t appear suspicious.” Craig steps out of his blue car and slams the door shut, white powdery snow falling from off the roof. 

I open the door and timidly step out, careful not to draw undue attention. 

“Isn’t this suspicious? Driving me to school?” I ask, staring straight ahead. 

He rolls his eyes and stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets. “I’ve given you rides dozens of times, Tweek. It’d look more suspicious if I didn’t give you one today.” 

I don’t understand his logic but appreciate the ride anyways. Craig begins walking towards the school and I trail a few steps behind. Our lockers are on separate sides of the hall so we part without a word. There is an ominous pink note stuffed in my locker and I shove it into my pocket without paying it much attention. I grab my books, and make my way to first period. 

Lunch arrives and I decide to wait in the lunch line instead of rushing to our table. I glance over to Craig, Token, Clyde, and Stan sitting comfortably in their spots. I nonchalantly make my way over to the table, avoiding a stare I feel seething into my back. Everyone at the table seems in high spirits, talking about their next band practice. Craig smiles innocently at me then goes back to the conversation. 

“I really like the song, but I feel acoustic would sound way better.” Stan has his elbows on the table and is focused on Craig. 

“We have too many acoustic songs already.” Craig groans. 

“Two, Craig. We have two.” Token reminds him in a monotone voice. 

“But we can expand our genera by adding some techo vibes or some shit. It’s the ‘in’ thing right now anyways.” Craig says. 

“When have we ever cared about what’s ‘in’, Craig?” Stan points to him with food on his fork before taking a bite. 

“Okay,” Token interrupts, “how about we try it both ways and have Tweek decide! An unbiased audience member.” 

Craig stares up wide-eyed, “Oh that’s so not fair! He’s totally bias!” 

I laugh quietly, “I haven’t even heard it yet! I’ll save my opinions until after I hear them both.” 

“See!” Token beams, “Tweek will decide.” 

Craig groans loudly and pulls his beanie further down on his head. “So much of the new stuff is so slow already.” 

“Oh and whose fault is that, Craig?” Stan says look at him sideways. 

“No one is stopping you from writing anything, Stan!” 

“Ohhh no.” Stan sits up shaking his head, “We tried that a few years ago and I don’t have to remind you how awful that turned out.” 

The whole table bursts out laughing. 

“ Okay, okay, my place after school?” Token says.

Everyone nods their heads, still chuckling from the reminders of Stan’s song writing.

“Oh hey! Can I bring Bebe?” Stan asks with a smile.

Craig and I exchange nervous glances.

“Stan.” Craig looks over at him and lowers his voice, “Can we talk later?” 

“Uh, yeah sure, man.”

My anxiety rises tracing the ominous note in my pants’ pocket. Craig glances down and grabs a similar note from his jacket. He flashes the pink paper between his fingers and stares deeply at me.

“Have you read it?” I whisper.

“No. I imagine you got one as well?”

I nod my head.

“I was going to give all three notes to Stan and let him make his own decisions.” He flicks the paper around his fingers and places it back in his pocket. He stretches out his hand and makes a beckoning gesture with his fingers. I fish the note from my pocket and place it delicately in his palm. Without breaking eye contact with me he deftly opens the note and begins reading it. 

“Hey! I thought we weren’t going to read them?!” I whisper loudly.

His eyes narrow and jaw tightens, he glares at the paper with disgust then folds it back into his pocket.

He glances up with his heavenly deep eyes staring lovingly back at me, “I don’t care what people say about me. I care what they say about you.”

He leans back from me and tunes into the conversation next to him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Well,” Craig kicks the snow in front of him in the parking lot, “that wasn’t so bad.” 

We approach the car and I wait for Craig to open my door, eager to escape the biting air. The lock clicks and I throw open the door, the car isn’t any warmer than it is outside. The windows around Craig are already caked with fog while the ones next me barely began to condensate.

Craig buckles his seatbelt and looks up at me under his thick lashes, “Did anyone say anything to you, hun?”

_God I love it when he calls me that._

“No. No stares or whispers or anything.” I look to him as he leans over, rummaging around in the center console.

“Guess we dodged a bullet there.” He pulls out a cigarette and lights it as he starts the car.

“Did you give the notes to Stan?” I ask.

“I did.” He says flatly.

“Did he say anything?”

Craig exhales a cloud of smoke through the crack in the window. “Nope. He just looked upset then left.”

I stare out the window and think about what could have been written on those notes. “Does Stan know we’re dating?” I say turning to him.

Craig looks back at me with a raised eyebrow, “Of course he does.”

_Of course._

“Since when?” I ask.

“Since you came to our band practice the first time.”

I feel my face burn with heat, “That long?!”

Craig looks at me sideways then takes another drag from his cigarette. “We’re not that inconspicuous, babe.”

My mind reels playing over all the events of the past 5 months. “Then why didn’t Red know?”

Craig’s jaw clenches and grips the wheel tighter, “Sometimes people only see what they want to see. Red only saw me as an attractive guy she could sink her teeth into, to make me hers. She would have never given up. All the flirting and kind looks I gave you, she twisted them in her mind and convinced herself they were for her.”

Despite all the pain Red has caused us, I felt strangely bad for her.

“Are her and Clyde still together?”

Craig's eyes remain focused on the road while we drive up the hill to Token’s mansion.

“They broke up yesterday. Apparently neither one was very upset about it.”

“That’s good.”

Craig shrugs as we pull into the drive way of Token’s house. He stops the car and puts his head back on the seat and sighs.

I glace over to him, watching as he takes slow even breaths, “Everything okay?”

He turns his head and smiles softly. His seatbelt clicks and he leans in close to me, his striking face inches from me. His eyes close and lips part as his mouth presses into mine. He reaches his hand up to my cheek and slides it down my neck and pulls away.

“Everything is perfect, Tweek. Don’t worry.” He moves back to his seat and opens the door.

I pause for a few moments to catch my breath then rush to join him outside. He takes my hand and we step through the crunchy snow, arriving to the expansive mother-in-law unit in the backyard. Craig holds open the door for me and a rush of warm air welcomes us as we walk inside. Clyde sits on his usual lawn chair with his legs laxly crossed over each other. Token and Stan are still setting up their instruments but Token is the only one who looks up to greet us. I take my seat next to Clyde and he reaches down and tosses me a beer.

Craig grabs the keyboard from the corner of the room and places it in front of Stan’s drum set. Stan stays stoic, holding a beer in his hand and taking small sips.

“You alright there, Stan?” Token asks.

Stan snaps out of his daze and his eyes move about the room. “Uh, kinda, I guess.” 

Craig and I look at each other then back towards him. 

“I just…” Stan’s eyes meet mine and he drops his head down, “I’m so sorry Tweek.” 

I stare back at him with an eyebrow raised, “Why? You didn’t do anything?”

“No… I just…” His eyes flick from me to Craig, “I didn’t realize the kind of person Bebe was. When I read those notes, I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe someone could be so hateful and nasty to people they don’t even know.”

I look over at Craig as he stares expressionless at Stan.

“You guys don’t have to worry about Red or Bebe telling anyone. I have enough on them both to get them expelled.” Stan looks down again at his drum set and lets out a jagged breath.

“Like Tweek said,” Craig brings his guitar strap over his shoulder, “you didn’t do anything. In fact you helped us.” He peers up at Stan with half a smile, “You finally got Red and Bebe off of our backs.”

“I guess that’s something.” Stan cracks a smile and spins a drumstick between his fingers.

“So, Craig!” Token stands ready, “What are we starting with?”

“Mhhm… New stuff or old stuff, Stan?”

Stan looks at me and then at Craig, “New stuff, definitely. ‘Just My Soul Responding’?”

Craig smiles then removes the guitar strap from his shoulder and places it back on its stand. He pulls the keyboard forward and positions it in between Stan and Token.

“I’m still not used to this one. Does anyone need the sheet music?”

Stan and Token both shake their heads.

“I think we’ve been practicing more than you have, dude. And it’s your song too!”

Craig looks back at them with a smile on his face and his middle finger raised.

“Well, _I_ need the sheet music.” Craig grabs the stool with a folder on top and brings it to the piano. He thumbs through the folder and casually sits on the stool. He carefully pulls out a few pages and looks them over with a smile. He drops the folder on the ground and places the crinkled sheet music onto the stand .The piano plays softly at first. Craig's voice carries through the room and his lithe fingers dance over the keys. His eyes remain focused on the sheet music as Stan and Token join into the symphony of sound. The song becomes surprisingly optimistic and upbeat, a stark contrast to the songs I’ve heard before. For how little they practice, they play perfectly in synch. As the song begins to swell, Craig’s angelic voice carries the final lyrics to an end. A smile spreads across my face. His talent never ceases to amaze me. Craig stays seated on the stool and scribbles intently on the papers in front of him.

“Alright then!” Stan stands up from behind his drum set, “Moment of truth!”

Token moves his bass to the stand and the two of them sit crisscross in front of me.

“Really guys?! Acoustic first?” Craig groans.

“Absolutely!” Token yells excitably.

Craig eyes flick to me then focuses back onto the keyboard. His cheeks turning red against his pale skin.

“So, Craig. Wanna dedicate this song to anyone in particular?” Craig turns his reddened face to Clyde and gives him the middle finger.

“Of course,” he pauses, “it should be obvious.”

It takes me a moment to realize the song must be about me and my face turns as red as his.

I see Craig's hand tremble over the keys and he begins playing the first melancholy notes. His voice is strong and heavenly, the soft melody only adding to his voice, never hiding it. His eyes close and his fingers glide peacefully over the keys. His voice shakes softly in the silent chorus, exposing a vulnerability rarely seen. His lyrics swim through my head like a waking dream. The song calls to my entire being. His voice is like a drug, delivered in the most divine way. My breathing is shallow and all I can focus on is his music flowing through my veins. As the song slows down, he looks up at me under his thick lashes and plays the final note. I sit there speechless, frozen in my chair. A tear begins to form from the corner of my eye. Everyone applauds but my eyes stay transfixed on him. Craig walks over to me as everyone’s voices fade into the background. He puts his hands on the arms of my chair and leans forward into me.

“So,” he looks deeply into my eyes, biting his lip, “did you like it?”

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a heated kiss. I breathe him in and move my lips with his, my hand reaches up to his face but I freeze and pull away, careful to not get too caught up in the moment. “It was beautiful.” I whisper, releasing my arms from around my neck, “Please keep it just the way it is.”

He stands up with a crooked smile then slowly looks at the rest of the group from the corner of his eye.

“That’s it! Tweek called it!” Clyde jumps up, spilling the beer in his hand, “It’s staying acoustic!”

Craig rolls his eyes, “Shut up, Clyde! You’re not even in the band.”

“Nope,” Token chimes in, “Tweek still called it!”

Craig groans and readjusts his beanie. “Fine, fine. I’m sure you’re only saying that so you can sit another song out though.” 

“Maybe a little of that too.” Stan chuckles.

Token and Stan stand up again, stretching their arms and legs before returning to their instruments. They play several more songs that I’ve never heard before. I sit in silent bliss as the music flows through the room. Craig was right - these new songs are noticeably slower. Maybe it’s because his mind is quieter. I hope I had something to do with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The acoustic song mentioned is - (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher by Amber Run


	27. Chapter 27

Their band practice lasts until sundown. I hadn’t realized it had gotten so late until I was trailing Craig back to the car. He slides into the driver’s seat and leans over to unlock my door. I tap the snow off of my shoes before climbing into his small compact car. I buckle my seatbelt then glance up to Craig as he stares lovingly back at me. 

“Enjoy the day, Tweek?”

“I always enjoy watching you guys practice.” I say looking up at him.

Craig smiles and looks forward as we descend down the snowy hill.

“You’re right though.” I say.

“Hmm?”

“Your songs are a lot slower.”

Craig cracks a smile, “It’s hard to write angry songs when you’re not angry.”

I smile to myself and look down at my shaking hands.

“I have you to thank for that.” He says softly.

I draw my eyes up to him while he focuses on driving down the street.

“Craig?”

“Yeah?”

“Want to come over for dinner tonight?”

He glances sideways at me before turning his attention back to the road.

“Sure. I don’t want to intrude though.”

I scoff, “My parent’s adore you, you can never intrude.”

He chuckles, “Alright then, dinner at your place.”

He carefully parks alongside the curb of my house and glances over at me. I give him a reassuring smile and step out of the car. Craig's footsteps crunch through the snow to my side. I take a deep breath and walk up the steps to my little green house.

“Mom-“I take a few snowy steps into the house and feel my feet slip from under me. The now melted snow beneath my shoes sends me flying forwards as my breath leaves my lungs. I close my eyes and reach my hands out, preparing for the inevitable crash. Craig appears next to me and grabs my arm before I hit the floor. With one fluid motion he pulls me back on my feet. 

He stares straight ahead and leans over to me, “You’ve gotta be more careful, babe.”

My adrenaline is still pumping as I see my mom flying down the stairs.

“Oh, Craig! It’s so wonderful to see you again! You didn’t say you were going to have guests over sweetie!”

“I can leave Mrs. Tweak, I don’t want to intrude.” Craig says, backing up.

My mom smiles widely and opens her arms out to him, pulling him into her signature ‘mom hug’.” You could never intrude, Craig! We love having you here!”

My mom continues her never ending hug and I wait for Craig to meet my gaze. He flicks his eyes up at me and I mouth ‘I told you’ with a smirk. He scrunches up his face and my mom finally releases him.

“Please tell me you’ll be staying for dinner! Richard will be home soon.”

“I’d love to Mrs. Tweak, thank you.” Craig says with his charming smile.

“Wonderful! I’ll go put on a pot of coffee!”

My mom scurries off into the kitchen as Craig and I climb the stairs to my room. Craig immediately sits on my bed and kicks off his shoes. Falling back on the bed he lets out a long sigh.

“Long day?” I ask, perching myself next to him on the bed.

“I guess. I just haven’t felt that I’ve be able to relax all day.” He lifts his hand up and rubs his eye.

“Well, good thing it’s Friday.”

He scoffs, “My least favorite day of the week.”

“Why? Everyone loves Fridays?”

Craig stares expressionless at the ceiling, “Fridays mean I have to spend two days trapped in the same house as my dad.”

My stomach drops and my lips turn down, “Oh. Right. Sorry, babe.”

He shrugs. “Not your fault.”

I watch Craig as he stares emotionless at the celling, he is so close but his thoughts have brought him somewhere else, somewhere far from me. His black hair is wet from the snow and a glistening lock lay stuck to his forehead. I reach my hand down towards him and he looks back at me with somber blue eyes. My hand brushes his hair from his forehead and lingers on his flawless ivory skin. I lean down into him with my lips parted, drawn in by his ocean eyes. There is a long, drawn-out creak from the hallway and I hear the door open slowly. I snap my head up and throw my hands into my lap. My mom enters the room with a smile but without so much as a knock.

“Coffee’s ready boys!”

My mom places the two mugs on the desk and looks at us with a sweet smile. “Dinner should be ready soon.” She turns and exits the room, leaving the door wide open.

“Hasn’t anyone heard of knocking?” I mumble under my breath.

“Can I smoke on your balcony?” Craig is already sitting up, pulling his box of cigarettes from out of his pocket. 

“Yeah that’s fine.”

He stands up from the bed and crosses over to my balcony. He opens the sliding glass door and walks outside. The cold Colorado air rushes in through the open door and I follow, leaving the warmth of my room behind me. I quietly close the door and look up at Craig lighting his cigarette. His prominent features lit up by the fire between his lips, casting shadows on his high cheekbones. His eyes gaze up into the endless fields of white. Snowflakes drift slowly around his body and land delicately on his clothes. He leans his sinewy body onto the railing and exhales a cloud of smoke that turn into a sigh. Even in the dark, the light from his cigarette makes the blue in his eyes shine like crystals. His divine radiance takes my breath away. I slowly step back to sneak into my room, careful not to disturb his endearing expression. I carefully grab my digital camera from my desk and silently slide back onto the balcony. He is still leaning on the railing with the same statuesque posture. Snowflakes have landed on his long lashes and his gaze has averted down onto the snowy balcony. I raise my camera to my eye and focus the lens. He lightly exhales and I hold by breath, quickly snapping the perfect picture. The soft click attracts his attention. His lips turn up and puzzled expression begins to spread across his face.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” He says with a smile tugging at the corner of his lip.

My face feels warm despite the cold air. “You just… looked so perfect standing there.” 

His blue eyes light up and he lets out a soft chuckle, “Thanks, Tweek. I’m glad you though so.”

He drops his cigarette to the ground, letting out a final smoke filled breath.

“Dinner’s ready boys!”

I turn my head towards the sound then glance back at Craig. “Ready?”

“Ready.” He says, leaning into me and lightly kissing my forehead. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Thanks for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Tweek.”

“Come back anytime, Craig!” My mom yells from inside the house, waving her hand frantically.

I close the door behind me and walk Craig to his car.

“Well, they _did_ say anytime.” Craig says, flashing me a mischievous smile.

I stop the edge of the sidewalk with a raised eyebrow, “What are you planning?”

Craig walks around to the driver’s side of the car and folds his arms on top of its snowy roof, resting his chin on his arms. “What are you doing tonight, Tweek?”

“Probably sleeping.”

Craig looks to me with a devilish grin playing on his face and the cogs in my head begin to turn.

_Ohhh…_

“Well then,” Craig takes his arms off of the hood of his car, “mind if I join you?”

“Yes! Wait, I mean no!” My heart starts racing, “Yes, please! Please join me tonight!”

Craig laughs quietly and unlocks his car, “1 am sound good?”

“Yes!” I say, a grin of incandescent delight dimpling my cheeks, “I’ll be up.”

“See you then, babe.” He flashes me a crooked smile then gets into his car, driving off into the snowy night.

I stay staring in his direction, waiting for my heart rate to slow. I regain my composure walk back inside with butterflies in my stomach.

“Want some coffee, son?”

My eyes dart up to the sound. “Yeah, coffee would be great, thanks Dad.”

I bring my coffee upstairs with me and sit in the cold chair at my desk. I wade through the thoughts swimming in my head, my heart flutters in anticipation of tonight. I take another sip of my coffee and hold it to my chest.

6 hours to go.


	28. Chapter 28

1:20 am. _I probably shouldn’t drink anymore coffee._

I place my mug on my desk and collapse on the bed. _Maybe he forgot or fell asleep?_ My hands tremble as they lay near my face. I can’t tell if it’s from the coffee or my anxiety, probably a combination of the two. I lift my head up from the bed and hold my hands in my lap. _Breathe in. Breathe out._ A soft thud comes from one side of my room and I let out an involuntary gasp. The door to the balcony slides open and Craig appears from out of the night. He is dressed in all black with his black beanie covering his black hair. His cheeks and nose are red from the cold but when his eyes flick to me, a smile graces his face.

“Did I scare you?”

“Maybe a little.” I admit.

His face softens and he walks over to me, running the back of his cold hand down my jaw. He tips my chin up with his finger and presses his bluish lips to mine. He pulls away slowly, still staring into my eyes.

“Sorry.” He murmurs.

“I’m okay.” I say breathlessly staring back at him, completely lost in his gaze.

He sits down next to me on the bed and starts trying to take off his shoes with red fingertips. 

“Did you walk here?” I ask, looking up and down at his wet clothes.

“Car wouldn’t start.” He says with a grunt.

I lean closer into him, my hand reaches out to touch his cold, damp jacket. A shock of ice spreads through my body and I pull my hand back.

“You’re freezing.” I look down at him sympathetically, watching him struggle with his laces.

“I wouldn’t say _freezing,_ but I’ll admit I’m uncomfortably cold.” His normally deft fingers are still working on untying just one knot.

“Need a hand?” I ask.

“No. I’ll get it.” He lets out a light hiss as his finger slips from the lace.

I crawl behind him and delicately lift his damp icy shirt, gently placing my hand on his back.

“Fuck you’re warm.” He shutters.

I slide my other hand around his waist and feel his body shiver underneath me. I lean closer into him, careful to avoid pressing against his clothes.

“Let me help you.” I breathe out, grazing my lips against his cold neck. 

He sits up with a small smile on his face. ”Okay fine, I guess I could use the help.”

I move to the floor and easily untie his shoes, even with my trembling hands. He kicks off his Converse and starts removing his jacket. I stand in front of him with my hand out, accepting his wet jacket. I place the icy jacket on a hanger and move it far away from my dry button ups. I turn around and his wet shirt has been thrown to the ground. I gaze up at him on the bed and my stomach twists. He’s wrapped his arms around himself and lowered his head, shaking in front of me. I slowly approach and kneel in front of him. I reach my hands up and press them lightly to his cheeks. He lets out a small moan and rests his head on my hand.

“You’re so warm.” He murmurs.

“Babe.” I say, watching him shake with his arms still wrapped around himself. “You’re going to have to take off your pants and socks.”

“It’s too cold.”

“Your wet clothes aren’t helping.”

He lets out a small groan and unwraps his arms from around himself. My hands draw down his torso as he stands up. I unbutton his pants and take the icy zipper in my hands, gently lowering them. He removes the rest of his pants that were soaked through to his skin, taking off his socks with them. He sits back on the bed and wraps his arms tightly back around him. I take off my shirt and crawl on top of him. I put one hand his shoulder and he shivers instantly - my heart aches seeing him this way. I drape my arms around his shoulders and press my body into his, a sharp cold pain shoots through me but I stay perfectly still. With my arms wrapped around his shoulders, he puts his cold hands on my waist. I rest my forehead on his neck until he stops shaking.

“I didn’t realize how cold I was until I got here.”

I press my cheek to his and let out a quiet hum. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Having you here helps.”

I move my hand up, running my fingers though his damp black hair as he lets out a shaky groan. My hand turns red but he relaxes around me.

“Thanks, Tweek.” He murmurs.

I press my lips to his throat and close my eyes, “I’m glad I could help.”

I climb off of him and slide out of my pants. He moves back on the bed and lets out a shivering sigh. I crawl next to him and press my legs against his. Giving him all the warmth I have left.

“Tweek?”

“Hmm?”

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably freeze to death.”

He breathes out a chuckle and turns to me. His color has returned to normal and his enchanting blue eyes have come back to life. I lift my hand and brush his black hair out of his face, watching his eyes softly close and open. He reaches out to me and places a cold hand around my neck, gently stroking his thumb on my jaw, making their way to my quivering lips. My lips part under his finger and I stare breathlessly at him. His eyes close and he leans into me, pressing his full lips into mine. I breathe him in as my mouth opens into his. Tracing my finger down his spine, I feel his back arch in response to my touch. He sucks in my breath with a long shaky moan and I’m left trembling. Our kisses become longer, deeper. He climbs on top of me and stares longingly into me with irresistible lips. His arm reaches around me and pulls me up into a searing kiss. My body feels weightless as he supports me with just one hand. His mouth begins to move differently, this time with more intensity. He slowly grinds his hips into mine as my body ignites in a heat that envelopes my world. I grab his hair and pull him in close. His body sinks into mine and I pull my knees up to keep him in place. He buries his head in my neck and slides his hand up to enlace them in mine. I can feel my body rock in harmony with his, a rising and falling if only to keep us closer together. Passion has taken a hold of me and desire floods my being. I never want to let go. My body begs for his touch, I need a release. He kisses his way down my neck, small gasps escape through my trembling lips. He lets out a warm shaky breath on my neck and electricity courses through my body. I grab his hips and press them firmly into mine. A smile forms against my throat. He unlaces his fingers and draws his hand down between us. His now warm hand grazes against my underwear and I squirm against his touch. He sits up and softly kisses my knee as my hips rise. His lithe fingers pull the elastic waist band slowly up my knees and I let out a sigh of relief, releasing my length from its bondage. Craig backs up and pulls them down to my ankles then throws them on the floor. He grabs my knees in his soft hands and looks me up and down. As if taking in a snack before devouring it.

“Your turn.” I breathe out, glancing at his boxers then back up at him. He brushes his thumb between his parted lips and pulls down his boxers, freeing his member. Staring down with greedy eyes, he crawls back on top of me. Rocking his hips into mine. His arm slides under me and his tongue slips into my mouth. He lets out a quiet moan and lightly sucks on my bottom lip. His hand traces down my waist and takes possession of my hips, controlling its every movement in motion with his. As he rests his head on my collarbone I let out a jagged breath.

“Craig?”

“Hmm?” he breathes into my neck.

“I –“I pause to take in another strained gasp“- I want you in me.”

He chuckles onto my neck, pressing his lips to my throat. His hand slides from my knee to my inner thigh. He brings a finger to his lips and sucks it lightly. He slides it between my legs and begins making circles around my rim. He gently kisses my forehead and my body shakes as he slips his finger in to me. I let out an uncontrolled gasp feeling him move slowly inside me. I press my head into his shoulder and breathe in his scent, capturing me under his spell. His fingers move rhythmically inside me, all my thoughts are consumed by pleasure. I kiss his shoulder and press my lips to them. I hear him chuckle darkly besides me.

“Found it.”

My mouth opens to speak but all that comes out is a loud moan. I cling to his broad shoulder and drag my nails deep down his back. Lights dance in my eyes and I shudder in true bliss. He plants kisses on my cheek and waits for my breathing to calm.

“Again?” He whispers in my ear.

“Nghh.” Is all I’m able to say as his finger slips out of me. Before I could beg for more, he slides another finger into me, forcing a lustful gasp to escape. He softly sucks on my neck as I feel him brush against that spot again. My back arches and toes curl in a breathless exhale, as if my whole body had been electrified.

He continues to slowly finger me in rhythmic motions, gradually increasing the pressure. He nuzzles his head on my neck and breathes in deep, uneven pants on my shoulder - continuing to grinding against my leg. My breathing has evened and flows in sync with his fingers. I’ve become accustom to the pressure. I want more.

“Craig?” I whisper.

His fingers immediately leave my body and I’m left with this aching need. He sits up from me with concern in his eyes. I breathe out words I can’t hear. I reach over and pull open the top drawer of my night stand. His eyes widen then flick back to me.

“Are you sure?”

I nod my head and reach out to stroke his length. He looks at me with a reserved expression then leans over me, grabbing a condom and lube from the drawer. He situates himself back over me and stares at me with intense eyes, stopping my heart from beating.

“Tweek.” He says in a cold voice.

I move my hand away and stare back at him, frozen.

“If you’re in pain - tell me to stop. If you’re uncomfortable - tell me to stop. If you get anxious – tell me to stop. If for whatever reason, something doesn’t feel right – you need to tell me to stop… Do you understand?”

I feel myself shaking but I nod my head affirmatively. His crystalline eyes don’t leave me, but his face softens and brows draw together.

“Do you want to do this?” He asks quietly.

“I trust you.” I whisper.

His eyes widen and lips slightly part. He lowers his face so close to mine I can almost taste him. He stops at my lips and gives me a kiss, so tender, so kind. He sits back and brushes his hand across my knee. The corner of his lip turns up and he bites the wrapper of the condom, ripping off the silver with his teeth.

“Stroke yourself, babe.”

Obediently, I move my hand up and down my sex. I watch hypnotized as he rolls the condom over his erection. My face warms as he rubs my lubricant up and down his engorged length. He looks back to me and lifts my knees. My heart skips a beat as he stares into me with penetrating blue eyes. His hips press into mine and I hold my breath. He enters me slowly and we both let out simultaneous moans. He sits back, stretching out his toned torso. I lay my hands to his chest. The feel of his muscles only makes my desire grow even stronger. He gently begins rocking his hips as I breathe in short gasps.

“Relax, babe. Deep breaths.”

I close my eyes and focus on the rhythmic motions pulsating inside me. I have wanted this for so long. I have craved his flesh. I’ve desired his touch. I want to give him pleasure.

Craig lets out a heady moan and starts pushing further into me. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. Slowly our bodies intertwine; our hearts fuse into one while our bodies dance. _Fuck he feels good._ I squeeze my eyes shut as his rhythmic motions edge me to my breaking point. Just as my back arches, everything stops. He pulls out of me and my eyes fly open. I’m left lying there, aching.

“Are you okay?” He studies me with worry etched on his face but I can’t stop writhing under him.

“Yes. Please. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” I breathe out in gasps.

He smiles softly and gently eases back into me. I let out a quiet moan and grip the sheets around me. _So this is what it feels like to be intimate with someone who cares about you._ He sees me on the edge of ecstasy and rocks his hip faster. Going deeper with every thrust. My breathing becomes rugged and fast as heats courses through my veins. His lustful, longing sounds a symphony to my ears.

“Fuck, you’re tight.” I hear him whisper through uneven pants.

Beads of sweat have accumulated on his brow. His breathing is rapid and harsh. I lift my hips higher and he lets out a loud moan. I grip my own member and begin stroking it in unison with his deep pulses. Pressure builds inside of me and I breathe out in aching gasps. I bite my lip to hold in a deep moan. He presses forward and a bead of sweat falls on my lip. I can taste his pleasure, his pent up passion, it’s more powerful than any drug. I fiend for more.

“Fuck, babe. I’m about to come.”

I reach my other hand to his cheek, his eyes flash open to me with a raw intensity I’ve never seen before. I wrap my wrists around his neck and pull him down to me, just inches from my face. I close my eyes and capture his lips in a fervent caress. In that moment I can feel every nerve in my being unite with his body.

His thrusts come faster, deeper, sending jolts of pleasure throughout me. His breathing hitches and his eyes slowly close. I press my open my mouth to his, tasting every gasp for air. Our tongues dance as our bodies melt together in a heavenly union. He grips the sheets around me and lets out an exasperated, long-winded moan as I tenderly bite his lip. Feeling his pleasure I climax with a series of breathy gasps into him.

He takes a few uneven breaths over me before slowly pulling out. I grab the tissues off the night stand and clean myself off, watching Craig pull off the condom with a wince. He looks around the room confused before I smile, lifting up my tissue filled trashcan. He looks back at me with his crooked smile and drops the condom into the can. I lie back and watch him crawl over me to the other side of the bed. He lies down with a long sigh then gazes up at me with a shy grin. I turn over on my elbows and lean into him with a passionate kiss. He runs his fingers through my hair, exciting my already fatigued body. I pull away and rest my head on his chest. His breathing is heavy but as I lay there his body begins to still. He extends his arm under me and lays it to rest on my hips. I look up at his still face, peaceful and relaxed.

“Are you warm enough now?”

He opens one eye and peers down at me with a laugh. “Yeah, babe.” He kisses me on the head, “Very warm.”

I stretch my arm across his chest and pull my knee up his leg. Closing my tired eyes, he pulls me in closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos ^_^  
> 


	29. Chapter 29

“Tweek, honey?”

My eyes flash open and I instantly look up at Craig asleep besides me, his arms still wrapped around my waist. The floor boards creak as the faint sounds of footstep draw nearer. Craig's eyes finally open and I slowly turn my head to the door. My mom stands slack jawed in the doorway. Her eyes meet mine then the door slams shut.

“Oh Jesus.” I whisper to myself.

Wide eyed in daze, the mattress moves under me. I whip my head around to Craig as he is already pulling on his pants from last night, grabbing his clothes off the floor in a frantic rush.

“Oh shit, Craig!” I glance back at the door, my heart raging in my chest,” What am I going to do!?”

I look over at him as he’s adjusting the beanie on his head.

“Don’t know, babe. Text me about it later.” He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and the sliding glass door opens.

I stare at him climbing down the balcony, leaving me gaping and frozen.

_Dammit Craig!_

“Tweek!” I hear from downstairs, “Come down here please!”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

I grab a white shirt and thrown on a pair of sweats in a panic. I hear my own heart beating in my ears as I round the corner to the stairs. I walk down in a stupor. Seeing both my parents sitting at the table, coffee in front, hands folded in their laps.

_Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh Jesus._

I freeze in front of the stairs. Unable to take my hand off of the banister.

“Tweek, honey. Please join us.” My mom gestures to the chair across from them.

My feet move me to the table and take my seat, lowering my head and looking down at my hands.

“Where’s Craig?”

I snap my head up to my mom’s worried expression and feel heat burn the tips of my ears.

“Well… he-“ Not knowing what to say I just point in the direction of the balcony.

“Oh dear,” my mom’s lips turn down, “I wish he’d use the front door, that balcony is just too dangerous.”

I look around bewildered and panicked, “Well-we...” I stammer.

“Now Tweek,” my dad begins, “we need to have a conversation with you about safe sex.”

“Wait. What?” My mouth hangs open and my eyes flash between my mom and dad.

“Well, Craig is your boyfriend, isn’t he, sweetie?” My mom closes her eyes and tilts her head with a smile.

“Aren’t you… mad or something?” I ask.

My mom glances to my dad and shrugs her shoulders. “No? Why would we be mad, sweetie? Craig is such a nice young man.”

“Well…. Because you know… I’m gay? And my boyfriend literally snuck into my bedroom last night?”

My mom bats her eyes and smiles at me softly, “The only thing we’re upset about is that he didn’t use the front door. Honestly honey, that balcony isn’t safe.”

“B-but,” I stutter, “I’m gay.”

“That’s okay, honey. You like who you like. And Craig is a good person, we’re happy you found someone as kind as he is.”

The tension in my body releases. My heart rate returns to normal. I look up at my parents and feel certain warmth. _They love me for me._

“Now,” my dad beings, “when two people love each other…”

_Oh God._

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Am I allowed to pick you up on Monday?**

The message flashes across my screen while I sit at my piano. I roll my eyes and pick up my old phone.

**Yeah. Just don’t come inside.**

**Fuck. Sorry, Tweek.**

**You should have stayed.**

**I’m sorry. I kinda freaked out.**

**My parents were pissed because of you.**

**SORRY ):**

**They want you to use the front door next time.**

**Wait… What?**

**They were pissed you went down the balcony. They said it was “too dangerous”.**

**… You’re shitting me.**

**Nope. Then my dad gave me the birds and the bees talk… and that I do blame you for.**

**They’re not mad?**

**Opposite of mad. Which is why you shouldn’t come inside on Monday.**

**…Do they know we fucked?**

**I don’t think so.**

**That makes me feel better for some reason…**

**We need to be louder next time.**

**That shouldn’t be a problem. See you Monday?**

**See you Monday.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweek needs to learn how to lock doors.


	30. Chapter 30

“Don’t you think now would be a good time? I heard it should be around 90 degrees on Friday! Doesn’t that sound nice?!”

Clyde and Token bring their conversation to us with a clank of trays on the table. 

“I’ll even drive!” Clyde pleads.

Craig sits in his usual spot with his chin in his hand, exchanging glances with me then back at Clyde.

“I’m down, Craig? Tweek?” Token looks over to us with a smile.

Craig straightens up and raises his eyebrow, “Mind filling me in on what the hell you’re talking about?”

Clyde smile widens, “Hot springs in Ouray! They’re closed now so it will just be us.”

Craig shrugs, “I’m down.”

“Tweek?!” Clyde turns to me with a spark in his eye.

“Uhh” I stammer, “I don’t know how to swim… and I-I don’t think breaking in would be a very good idea.”

Craig peers at me through the corner of his eye with a half-smile, “You don’t have to go Tweek.”

“Yeah don’t worry about it, Tweek!” Token says.

I press my hands in my lap and twist my mouth.

“I’ll pick you guys up! We’ll leave at 7PM so it will be nice and dark by the time we get there.” Clyde says taking a bite of his lunch.

“Sounds good, man.” Token says, turning to Craig with a sly grin. “Make sure you bring your bathing suit this time, Craig.”

Craig chuckles and looks up at Token, “Just because you said that I’m not going to.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I-I was thinking about the hot springs trip tomorrow.” I say, looking down.

Craig lets out a cloud of smoke into the night sky and glances over at me, “Yeah?”

“I-I think I want to go now.” I stammer.

“You really don’t have to, babe. We can do something fun just the two of us another time.”

I take a deep breath and stare up at him, “I want to go.”

He looks down and smiles, “Sure. I’ll let Clyde know. Do you have a bathing suit?”

My cheeks start to warm as I run through the monotony of clothes I have in my head.

“I’ve got some old ones in my closet babe. Don’t worry about it… and I promise I won’t forget.”

He turns to me with a soft smile and I stare into his eyes, trying to keep myself from kissing him under the dim street lamp.

“I’ll see you at 7 then.” He turns away and inhales another breath from his cigarette, walking away.

My heart beats faster at the thought of going into the water, but having my friends there calms my fears.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Clyde always plays the worst music. Token reaches over to the radio only to have his hand swatted away. Clyde grabs the volume nob and turns it as far as it goes. Craig sits in the back with me, lacing his fingers in mine. He sits still with his head pressed on the window staring out with a stoic expression. My window holds no interest to me. Nothing is more beautiful than the boy holding my hand.

“Almost there!” Clyde yells over the deafening music.

My grip instinctively tightens and hands clam up. Craig continues staring outside but his thumb brushes tenderly against the top of my hand. The car shakes going over the rocky trail and Token successfully turns down the music in the car. I peep out the window and everything is black. I can’t tell if we’re in the middle of a forest or the middle of a lake. The car comes to a gradual stop, gravel shifting under the tires. Clyde rubs his hands and jumps out of the car. Token follows him with a small chuckle. I turn my gaze to Craig and see he’s already staring over at me.

“Ready to go, hun?”

I look out into the blackness and try to swallow my fear, “No. Not really.”

Craig’s smiles softly, “You really don’t have to go. It’s okay. We can just stay in the car and make out all night.”

A smile tugs at my lips and cheeks flush, “I-I’ll go…”

He brushes his thumb down my cheek and leans into me, giving me an affectionate kiss before pulling away.

He drags his hand down my neck and steps outside. I pause for a few moments with my hand gripping on the handle. I take a few breaths and push open the door. I glance around the night sky and realize the world isn’t really draped in darkness. A light blue haze from the milky stars illuminates everything. My lips part and eyes widen. _I didn’t know the sky could even look like this._ I hear splashes in the distance and turn to look for Craig. He is leaning against the hood of the car, hands in his pockets, just staring out into the starry distance. I approach him and wrap my arm in his. He turns his head down and smiles sweetly. He pushes himself off of the hood of the car and wanders towards the sound of laughter. The spring is long and wide, Token dives under the water and my hands shake seeing the water is much deeper than I had originally thought. I take a few steps back and skirt to Craig's side. Positive he can feel my palms sweating. He squeezes my hand lightly then let’s go. He slides his hands under his shirt and lifts it over his head. He gazes back at me with softness in eyes and my heart flutters in my chest. He takes a few steps into the hot springs then falls into the deep water. He rises back up and his wet hair glistens under the star light. His skin reflects the moon like iridescent crystals. I stare hypnotized and pull the shirt over my head. He reaches out to me with both hands and I am drawn into him. I place my hands in his and take my first steps into water. My hands shake at the unknown beneath me, the deep blackness makes my knees lock. I stare down into the infinite darkness and a chilling wave of fear shoots up my back. Holding onto him I tip toe a little further.

“It gets deeper if you step forward again. About to your waist.” He warns.

I freeze in the warm water and tighten my grip around his hands. I flip my head back and forth and squeeze his hands.

“S-Someone knows were here. We’re going to get in trouble.” My breathing picks up and pulse races through my veins.

“No one knows we’re here, babe. It’s just us.” He says calmly.

I turn to see him staring back at me with a soft smile. I take a small step forward, feeling the edge of the rock with my toes. My grip on his hands relaxes and I take a deep breath out.

My foot sinks deeper and the water rises up my body. I close my eyes and let my other foot follow. The water is… so warm. My body relaxes and a smile creeps up my face.

“Did you want to take another step? The water will be at your chest.”

I open my eyes and gasp at the closeness we share. His perfect smile, his broad shoulders, his beautiful face. I stare at him and take another step forward. He lets go of my hands and smiles warmly. I close my eyes and raise myself on the balls of my feet, our lips meeting in an intimate kiss. He lifts his hand from the warm water and draws his thumb down my jawline. I bring my hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck as if he was my life line. His hands find my waist from under the dark water and pulls me closer, burning my lips with his mouth. My lips part and my tongue searches for his. His hand grazes up my body, lingering on my shoulder blade, pulling us even closer. My mouth moves with his, breathing in his light moans. The water between us heats up our already burning desire. His lips slide down my jaw and land on my neck, kissing every inch. I gasp feeling a tingling through my entire body and press my hips into his. His hand slides down my body, moving into my swim trunks.

“Get a room!” Clyde yells.

A sudden splash of water drives us apart and breaks me from my fantasy. I wipe the water from my eyes and see Craig with both hands up, giving them the finger.

He turns back to me with a boyish grin, “There is a ledge on the other side of the spring if you want to sit down?”

“Isn’t the water deep over there?” I say timidly.

“It’s not far,” he says glancing over to the step, “I’ll help.”

He glides over to the ledge and extends his long arm out to me, “Just push on the edge of the rock over to me.”

I look at his hand and feel my heart beat in my ears. The water below is pitch-black, ominous, waiting to swallow me up. I stare down and feel my feet shift backwards.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Tweek.”

I snap my head up to the voice. Craig raises his hand higher.

I step forward until I feel the edge of the rock. I hold my breath and push myself forward. My foot slips on the slick rock and my body crashes into the warm water. My hearing is gone. My sense of direction is gone. I open my eyes and see darkness. I open my mouth and try to take a deep breath in. My body sweeps to the side and the wind gets sucked out of my lungs. My head reaches the surface and I gasp for air. My heart pounds in my chest and my hands tremble. A gentle tug on my arm brings me up onto a ledge. I sit and collect my breath, staring down at the blackness.

“You okay?”

“I thought I was going to die.” I say, breathing heavily.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

I feel him kiss me on the head and I glance up to his sympathetic gaze.

“Thanks.” I breathe.

“You don’t have to thank me for giving us both a heart attack, but you’re welcome.”

I chuckle looking at his half smile.

He reaches around and pulls my hips towards him. He puts an arm behind his head and stares into the stars. I tilt my head up and gaze into the night with him. Constellations swirl around us, the stars blink off and on like Christmas lights in the sky. Shooting stars dart across the sky, sending tendrils of moonlight through the night. I glance over to Craig, his lips turned up into a peaceful smile. The stars glimmering in his bright eyes. He stays still, staring infinitely into the stardust. I didn’t need to look up to see the heavens. I could stare into his eyes and see everything.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut. Ever since I was a kid.” He says quietly, not taking his eyes off the night sky.

I move closer to him pressing our bodies together, “Why can’t you? You’re smart enough.”

He lets out a small laugh and brings his hand up to my waist, “I can never be an astronaut,” he glances at me with a crooked smile and turns his attention back to the sky, “I’m too tall.”

“Oh.” I look down and rest my head on his chest, “Well if it makes you feel any better I like how tall you are.”

I feel his chest move and he places his wet hand on my head.

“Why space though?” I ask.

He lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through my hair, “I never liked it here. I always wanted to get away, as far as I could…” He pauses and his smile fades, “to somewhere beautiful.”

My chest tightens and I wrap my arm around his torso.

“What about now?” I ask, glancing up.

His body tenses. The hand on my hair relaxes, moving down my back.

“I don’t know.” He whispers.

His face is unreadable, eyebrows drawn in. His eyes flick around the night sky.

I let out a low hum and return my head to his chest. He could go anywhere he wants with his grades and talent. There is no reason for him to stay here. South Park has only ever been a prison for him. A place filled with pain and neglect. If I asked him to stay, I would just be holding him back. I’m not that selfish. My future is here, whether I like it or not. South Park is as far as I’m going to be able to get. Wherever he goes, I won’t be able to follow.

As a tear falls from my eye, a warm wave of water washes over the both of us. Craig’s eyes light up as he dives into the water.

“Fuck you, Donovan!” Craig yells, returning the splash with more force.


	31. Chapter 31

“I really hate the snow.” Craig frowns and drives slowly through the streets, chains scraping against the ice and asphalt.

“It’s supposed to be 40 degrees on Thursday.”

I gaze up at Craig with his eyes narrowed and hand relaxed on my knee.

“They always say that. Then we get three feet of snow.” He grumbles.

I roll my eyes and smile, “You gotta believe, hun.”

“I DO believe… believe it’s going to snow.”

We pull into the parking lot and half the spots are sitting empty. He parks close to the entrance and lets out a long sigh.

“I need to take the chains off.” He pauses and glances to me. “You can go inside or stay here. It’s too cold out.”

I unbuckle my seatbelt and pull my legs up to my chest, watching him slide out of the ash filled car. I hear the clanking of chains and I rest my chin on my knees. Still feeling cold, I flip open the glove box in hopes of finding a hat or a pair of gloves. A booklet for Colorado State University spills out onto the floor instead. I pick it up and flip through the pages. Ft. Collins. _That’s a very long way from here._ Several parts are circled: acceptance rates, SAT scores, GPAs, Prerequisites… At the bottom of the page circled a number of times is the deadline for applications. March 10th. Two weeks from now. I hear the trunk open and a jangle of chains falling. I frantically stuff the booklet back into the cramped glove box and snap it closed, wrapping my shaking hands back around my legs. A light knock on my window jolts me out of my seat. I crawl out of the car and lock the door behind me.

“4 months, Tweek. Just 4 months left.”

Craig stares expressionless at the school and all I feel is a lump in my throat.

“Yeah. 4 months.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“No. No. And no.”

The cafeteria is pack with students with parkas and hats, it feels like winter again yet Craig is still in his thin jacket and jeans.

“Come on! We’re turning 18, dude!”

I hear Clyde begging as I sit down across from Craig.

“N-O.” Craig says sharply.

“What’s going on?” I ask glancing at Clyde and Craig.

Craig sits up and rolls his eyes, “Clyde wants us to combine our birthdays and throw a big party.”

“That sounds fun!” I say excitably.

Craig snaps his eyes to me, “Please don’t encourage him.”

Clyde stands up and puts his hands on the table, leaning in towards Craig, “See?! Even Tweek agrees! We have to do it now!”

Craig puts head in his hands and groans. “What does Token think?”

“I’m down.” Token shrugged, “My parents won’t be back until October anyways”

“It’s settled then!” Clyde claps his hands together, “Combined birthday party on April 2nd!”

Craig lets out a louder groan.

“Hey,” Token says with a grin, “with Stan there maybe we can perform?”

“Nooooo.” Craig laments even more.

“Oh come on Craig! It’s my birthday!”

Craig lifts his head wide eyed, “It’s my birthday too, dude!”

“I think it will be fun!” I chime in, looking at Clyde and Token.

Craig shoots his eyes up at me, “Tweek! You’re not helping! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Come on, Craig.” Clyde sits back down, “You do this every time and end up enjoying yourself.”

Craig looks up at him with a glare, “I’m starting to think I have no say in this…”

“Okay,” Clyde puts both his hands up, “Think about it this way. There is going to be a party… that just so happens to be on your birthday… AND Tweek is going to be there.” 

“Why does this feel like manipulation?”

“Hey, man. I’m just stating the facts.”

“Fine. Fine.” Craig sighs loudly, “I’ll go to the stupid party.”

Clyde lets out a loud whooping noise, attracting the attention of everyone around us.

“I’m not helping set up though!”

“Fair enough!”

Clyde excitably turns to Token and I tune them out, turning my attention back to Craig who has buried his face in his hands.

I cock my head to the side and lower myself to meet his gaze. He glances up at me and I give him a warm smile. His eyes light up and lips tip up into a small grin.

“I’ll be there.”

He chuckles and redness spreads across his cheeks.

“You better be. Or else I’m leaving.”

“Hey, Craig!” He raises his head up and looks at Stan from down the table.

“Band practice today.”

“What if I have plans?”

“You never have plans.”

“Fuck.”

“See you at Tokens then! Oh, yeah... And it’s band members only.”

Craig looks side eyed at Stan then back to me.

“This better not have anything to do with the party.” He says under his breath.


	32. Chapter 32

The next month passes by without incident. Craig drives me to school, lunch filled with chatter about the party, Craig and I in the music room after class, casual dinners with my parents, Craig sneaking into my room at night, oh yeah, and the amazing sex too.

April 2nd arrives with much anticipation surrounding it. I had managed to find a gift for Craig at a second hand store. I tried to make it my own but I’m awful at engraving. I know I’m a terrible gift giver, but Craig will pretend to like it anyways. He’s just a sweet guy like that.

On the day of the party, I don’t care what I look like. Craig will think I’m cute either way. I do put on my fitted parka though, despite the mild month it had begun to lightly snow today. Craig said he would pick me up at 7 pm, a little early for a party, but from the whispers around school it is supposed to be the biggest party of the year. As anxious as I am, I don’t feel the need to take my anxiety meds anymore. Craig is the only drug I need.

“Honey! Your date is here!”

My heart skips and I reach over to grab my camera. My face already feels warm as I run around the corner of my room, ecstatic to be back in the arms of my boyfriend.

“Thank you so much for the card Mrs. Tweak.”

I approach the landing of the stairs and see Craig in his black beanie giving my mom a generous hug. I continue my decent down the stairs and notice something different about him. When he turns towards me, my breath gets swept away. His lips turn up into the most loving smile, his bright azure follow me with every step I take. He is wearing a white casual button up with a smoky tan wool vest under an unbuttoned, perfectly tailored black pea coat. His grey tweed scarf drapes delicately around his sinuous neck and his black fitted trousers make my head spin. It looks like the clothes were made just for him. He’s a model straight out of a magazine. And yet, he is all mine. My face turns scarlet and I fall into his open arms. The scent of juniper, pine, and sandalwood swims around his neck as I breathe in his earthy cologne. His lips press to the top of my head but I have no intention of letting him go.

“Happy birthday.” I whisper, kissing his neck softly.

He pulls back from me and slides his hand down my arm, interlacing his fingers into mine.

“Be safe, boys!” My mom shouts as we walk towards his car, hand in hand. He lets go of mine with a light squeeze and slides into the car to unlock my door. I climb into the passenger’s seat but can’t tear my eyes away from him. He buckles his seatbelt and gazes up at me with a charming smile.

“What’s up, babe?”

Speechless, I lean over the center console and press my lips firmly into his. He draws his hand up to my face and kisses me back with a passion that fills my body. My hand desperately wants to grab onto his shoulder and crawl on top of him but I pull back breathlessly, staring at him with my lips parted.

He chuckles softly and readjusts his beanie, “We should get going.”

I lean back and buckle my seatbelt, my eyes still fixated on him. He puts the car in gear and places his warm hand on my knee.

I glance down at my ratty clothes and try to smooth out the wrinkles of my jacket, “I feel like I’m underdressed.”

He turns to me with a coy smile, “Honestly, babe. We’re both overdressed for my liking.”

My ears turn red and I quickly look down with a shy smile, trying to calm my fluttering heart. Craig slows down and starts looking out the windows with an exasperated sigh.

“Would you be okay walking a block or so, Tweek? I can’t find anything closer.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I say.

Craig backs into a cramped spot and grabs his cigarettes before exiting the car. I carefully climb out with my camera and scan the street up and down, cars wrapping all the way around the block. I join Craig at his side and watch him light a cigarette. The snow falls lightly all around us and a cold wind flows gently through his hair. I take my camera and snap a quick shot before he could see what I was doing.

He glances at me with a half-smile and raised eyebrow, “Are you going to be doing that all night, Tweek?”

“Only when you look so cute.”

He chuckles then starts walking towards the mansion, “So that sounds like a yes.”

When we arrive at the mansion the party is already in full swing. At least a dozen people stand outside smoking cigarettes and stumbling over each other, thumping music fills the whole yard. Craig lets out a loud groan next to me. I flash him an encouraging smile and walk through the front door. An entire mob of people fill the living room, dancing in incongruous motions. Craig takes me by the hand and drags me towards the lightly infested kitchen, dodging drunken party goers with incredible precision. He surveys the area before ripping off his scarf and coat and shoving them into a nearby cabinet. I raise my eyebrow and fold my arms.

“I know what you’re thinking, Tweek. But trust me.” He says digging around the cabinet, “I know what goes on at these parties. Give me your parka.” I roll my eyes and wriggle out of my coat, placing it in Craig’s outstretched hand. He aggressively stuffs the clothes into the cabinet with a low grunt then pops up with a wide grin.

“So, Tweek. What’s your poison?”

I smile softly at the memory, “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“I’m just going to do shots. You want rum and coke or something?”

“Rum and coke sounds good.”

Craig turns around to the ice chest and begins sifting through the ice. My breathing picks up as my wandering eyes trace down his body, his broad shoulders, his long legs. He bends down further into the ice chest. _Damn..._

He unfortunately stands back up to fix me a rum and coke… with more rum than coke.

He pours himself 3 shots and slides the coke closer to him. I sip the overly alcoholic drink and watch Craig down all three shots in quick succession before chugging the soda.

“Be careful not to spill on your nice shirt.” I say, peering up from my cup.

He looks down at his white button up, “Nah, I’m good.” He pours himself another shot and downs it without hesitation. _He might as well be drinking straight out of the bottle at this point._

“Hey man! Happy birthday!” I flick my eyes over to Clyde, plowing his way through the crowd and opening his arms out wide to Craig.

Craig takes a step back and downs another shot before Clyde pulls him into a bear hug.

“Thanks man, you too.”

“Token’s still setting up out back,” Clyde says with a wide grin, “7:30?”

“Sure man, sounds good.”

I glance to Craig with a puzzled expression.

“Who knows.”

Craig turns to me and beckons with his head, easily dodging people as he makes his way upstairs. I grab my red cup and fumble my way through the hordes of people to the upstairs landing. He knocks lightly on the door to our room and turns to me with a smile.

“See? I’m polite.”

Hearing nothing from inside the room he opens the door and heads straight into the bathroom. I sit comfortably on the bed and take another sip. It fells like a lifetime ago since Craig and I came into this room for the first time. The first party I’ve ever been to. The first kiss I’ve ever had. Craig comes out of the bathroom and motions for me to leave with him. He shuts the door behind us and pulls out a silver hook from his trousers. He kneels down and jimmies the lock until there is a light click. A sly smile spreads across his face as he stands up, giving the still doorknob a couple of twists.

“There,” he slides the hook back into his pocket, “now we can have the room whenever we want.”

“So when I want to tear your clothes off we can just go in here?”

“That’s the idea.”

I turn to Craig with fire in my eyes “Mind opening it now?”

His laughter breaks through the sound of the thumping music and he turns to me, “Maybe in a bit, babe. I think I’m needed outside.”

We walk down the stairs and Craig slips back into the kitchen to retrieve our clothes. He takes another shot and chases it down with the nearest open soda can.

“You’re drinking more than usual.” I say, crossing my arms.

He sets the shot glass down with scrunched face, “I’m going to need it for this next part.”

He draws his eyes towards the back patio and sighs, “Let’s go outside, Tweek.”

He slides open the door and more people are piled outside than inside. String lights adorn the snowy trees and glowing lanterns illuminate the expansive yard. A wooden bar sits on the far side of the patio- loud groups of laughing students surround the lively area. In the center of the yard stands a large 5ft stage with dim light bulbs handing overhead. Token and Stan are both on stage adjusting their instruments and messing with speakers. They too are dressed nicely in button ups and trousers. They are more lax than Craig but still look nice. My eyes widen when I realize what’s happening. I turn to Craig with my mouth agape but by the time I look over, he is already walking up the stairs to the stage. He makes it to the stage and stares wide eyed out into the crowd. A large group of girls rush the stage and I stumble backwards. My body presses firmly to the person behind me and I get shoved to the side. The music from the house abruptly stops and a steady stream of people begin to file out from the glass doors. I keep my feet planted firmly on the ground but the tall figures surrounding me easily push me back until I can hardly see the stage. I can vaguely make out a burly figure stepping onto the stage before disappearing behind the heads of people blocking my view. With all the strength and determination I can muster I press my way forward. Only to be greeted by a stabbing enclave of elbows pushing me further back. I pause and begin to accept my position. _At least I’ll be able to hear their music, plus I’ve seen them practice dozens of times, today isn’t about me anyways._

“Hey ya, Tweek!” The booming voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I look over to Clyde’s smiling face, his body moving effortlessly through the crowd. “Let’s get closer!”

He grabs onto my arm and pushes his way to the front of the crowd. _Gotta love a rugby man._

I can finally see the stage. Craig’s handsome face in front of me. He smiles warmly and the girls start screeching, the sudden shriek has Craig and I cringing backwards. Craig takes a few steps back and bites his lip, staring back into the crowd of 100’s of people. He shuffles to the mike and raises it a few inches higher, letting out a loud feedback that causes some people to gasp. He grips the stand and moves behind it, not taking his eyes off of the crowd.

“Good evening, everyone.” The loud group of girls in front of us starts screaming. He closes an eye and winces back a bit. 

“I want to wish Clyde... and I guess myself, a happy birthday. Umm, he wanted us to perform at this party tonight, so I guess that’s what we’re going to do. Our band doesn’t have a name… but I hope you enjoy our music anyways.”

The crowd starts cheering as Craig struggles to adjust the strap on his guitar. He looks down to the ground and takes a few deep shaky breaths. Seeing him so nervous just feet away from me, I take deep breaths in synch with his. With a shaking hands I watch him play the first few notes. Just like the first song I heard, “White Lie” begins playing through the speakers. The second Craig begins singing I hear a roar of screaming girls surround me. The longer the song goes on, the more relaxed his face becomes. He soon hits every note with ease and his fingers slide deftly up and down the neck of his guitar. Their set continues with a vibrancy that has the whole crowd jumping and hollering. I’ve heard all these songs countless times, but seeing them on an actual stage in front of a crowd, it feels like the first time again. After playing several songs, Token steps off of the stage and Stan rolls forward a grand piano. Token appears again and places a bench besides the piano and they both retreat down the stairs. The crowd murmurs and I gaze up to see Craig staring down at the piano, as if he had never played before. In the cold air, his uneven breaths are visible against the night sky. My heart begins to beat in my ears and I realize what song his is going to play next. He takes slow steady steps to the bench and sits down in front of the piano. He adjusts the mike and turns his head over to the audience staring wide eyed and silent. Feeling his anxiety I begin to clap and let out a loud whistle. His eyes snap to me and the crowd joins in, cheering and whistling. His face softens and moves closer to the mike.

“I’d like to dedicate this song to someone very important to me. They have inspired me in so many different ways. And taught me how to me a more caring person” He pauses and smiles to himself, “I’d be lost without them.”

His fingers hover over the keys then with his first few notes, my heart flutters. His voice is so soulful, so full of passion and love. His music takes me out of my body, makes me feel weightless. I bring a shaky hand to my camera and take a breathless gasp in before taking one, perfect, picture.

When the song ends the entire crowd cheers and whistles, an applause so loud I’m sure the entire neighborhood could hear. A soft grin graces his face and he leans back into the mike. “Thank you. You can all go back to the party now.”

Craig stands up from the bench and puts his hands in his pockets. He looks over at the dissipating crowd and slowly descends down the stairs. The group of girls rush the stairs and lean into him, throwing both compliments and themselves. He strides casually to me with light in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips.

He stops a few feet in front of me and meets my eyes, “So, what did you think?”

My lips part and I breathe out wordlessly, watching snow dance around his ivory skin and raven black hair.

“I think you're the most talented person I’ve ever met.” I say quietly.

Craig stifles a laugh and looks down with reddened cheeks. He rubs the back of his neck and glances up at me under his thick lashes. My heart races and my lips turn up into a smile. Even with the hundreds of people lingering in the backyard, I feel it’s just him and I there.

“I’m looking forward to tonight, Tweek.” He says, looking out into the crowd.

“Me too.” I say with a grin.

“Wanna head back inside?” He straightens up and turns his head to the door, “I heard they’re setting up for beer pong.”

I glace up at him with a puzzled expression, “What’s beer pong?”

Craig looks at me sideways and chuckles, “You're definitely not going to be on my team.”


	33. Chapter 33

Stan, Token, Wendy, Clyde, Craig and myself surround a folding table with red cups strategically placed in triangles at the top of each side.

“Okay,” Clyde begins with a grin, “since Tweek and Wendy have never played before, here are the rules: Each team takes turns trying to throw the ping pong ball in the other teams’ cups. If your ball makes it in, the person on the other side has to drink the beer in the cup. If you get a ball in, your team gets another turn. The first team to get rid of the other teams’ cups wins. Oh yeah, and keep you elbows behind the table. The teams are: Stan, Craig, and myself vs. Wendy, Token, and Tweek. Any questions?”

I glance around the table of excited faces and shake my head.

“Alright then! Tweek and Craig are up first!”

Craig moves to the front of the table and I stand opposite from him. Token hands me a ping pong ball and I grasp it in my shaking hands. I realize in that moment that this is probably a terrible idea. Craig raises his right arm with a small white ball poised between his fingers; he moves his arm back and forth slowly, slightly sticking out his tongue from the corner of his mouth. _God he’s adorable._ He releases the ball with a gentle arch, only to have it bounce off the lip of a cup and fall silently onto the floor.

“Your turn Tweek!” Clyde yells from just a few feet away from me.

Craig eyes stare into mine from across the table. His lips pull up into a cheeky smirk. _He’s trying to psych me out!_ I focus all my attention on the cup at the top of the triangle. With my left hand I flick the ping pong ball straight ahead. With a quiet splash, it disappears into the center cup. The sound of laughter and cheers erupt around the table, I look up to see Craig’s crinkled eyes and hand covering his mouth. 

“Alright, Wendy! Gotta make it into the center cup!”

Wendy raises her right hand and tosses it with a little too much power, right over the side of the table.

Craig pulls the ball out of the center cup and chugs the beer inside. Stan and Wendy move to the front of the table as Craig and I get back in line.

Craig leans over to me without taking his eyes off the game, “You’re trying to get me drunk, aren’t you?”

I peer up to him with a sly smile, “You're going down, Tucker.”

He lets out a small laugh and stands up straight, “We’ll see about that, babe.”

My team won in a landslide. Turns out Wendy’s got game. Who knew? Stan drapes his arm over Wendy’s shoulder and stumbles around towards the kitchen. I feel a brush of warm air from behind me and Craig takes his hand in mine, leading me up the stairs. He pulls the silver hook from out of his pocket and effortlessly pushes the door open. Craig locks the door behind us and we stumble towards the bed, collapsing on our backs onto the silken sheets.

I turn on my elbow and face him with a grin, “Did you have a good birthday, sweetheart?”

“The best.” He smiles.

I move his arm and cuddle up next to his chest, the faint smell of cologne still lingering on his shirt.

“Did I tell you that you looked sexy today?”

“You didn’t,” he chuckles, “but thanks, babe.”

“Did you get those pants tailored?”

“No.”

“Well they make your ass look fantastic.” I say with a impish grin.

His chest moves with laughter and he presses his lips to my head.

I slide my hand down and try to unbutton his foreign trousers.

“No foreplay? My, you're forward tonight.”

My hands fumble over silver clasps as I struggle to figure out how to undo his pants.

“I’ve been waiting to rip these clothes off of you all night.” I say, still wrestling with his pants.

“Let me give you a hand then.” With a simple gesture he unclasps his trousers and pulls down the zipper.

I move my hand into his pants and start massaging the soft flesh underneath. The more I touch him, the warmer I become. I feel him growing under my hand as he breathes out deeply. His body shifts slightly and he presses himself into my hand.

“Can you unbutton your shirt?” I ask.

Lying down with his eyes still closed, he deftly unbuttons his shirt in a matter of seconds.

“For someone who wanted to rip the clothes off of me, I’m having to do most of the work here.”

I take my hand out of his pants and sit back with a coy smile.

“Oh, no… Babe, I’m sorry! It was a joke!”

He flashes open his azure eyes and gives me a playful smile. I return my hand into his warm pants and lean into him, pressing our lips together. He returns the kiss with more intensity, parting my lips with his tongue. I can taste the alcohol on his breath as my tongue explores his mouth. His hand reaches around my neck and he runs his fingers up through my hair. I press on his chest and pull myself up.

“Take your pants off.” I demand.

He stares at me while standing up from the bed and pulls down his pants and underwear.

“You know, I’d say something sarcastic right now but I don’t want you to stop touching me.”

“Then don’t say something sarcastic.” I say, trying to quickly undress myself.

He looks down at me struggling to take off my pants in an embarrassing fit. He puts his arms on the sides of me and leans in close, brushing his lips on my ear, “You know? I’m awfully good at taking off clothes.” He murmurs.

I smile and drop my hands down to my side. Craig crawls behind me and slides my shirt over my head. His arms wrap around my waist and slowly unbutton my jeans, leaving a trail of kisses down my shoulder. He pulls his hands back and tugs lightly on the elastic band of my underwear. Getting the hint, I stand from the bed and peel the rest of my clothes off, tossing them lazily to the floor. I take a few steps closer to him then he grabs my waist firmly, preventing me from moving any closer. He bites his lip and stares me up and down with hungry eyes. He pulls me forward into him and my knee lands on the soft mattress. He wraps his arm at my waist and spins me back onto the bed. He crawls on top and brings his lips to mine. I reach my hand up to his cheek, brushing my thumb across his soft skin, completely enveloped in him. He draws his face back from me a few inches and gazes deeply into my eyes. I lay there, exposed and vulnerable. But I can’t look away from his entrancing stare. He begins to mouth something before looking down, releasing me from his heart stopping stare. His eyes snap back to me and he parts his lips, bringing his head down to my throat. He slowly kisses down my neck and reaches his hand down to my length. A gasp escapes from my lips when I feel his warm hand touch me. I wrap my arms around his torso and pull him in closer until our bodies melt into each other. His kisses at my neck turn into small nips, igniting the fire within me. The needy feeling returns and I press my hips further into his. I feel him twitch against my thigh and I raise my knee, brushing lightly against him. I rock my hips in his hand and run my fingers through his black hair, letting out a small moan. His hand slides from my member to underneath me and he whispers softly in my ear, “Do you want this?”

An insatiable need courses through me and I manage to gasp out a simple, “Yes.”

He moves two fingers to his mouth then slides them into me, brushing his lips across my jaw. My body tenses then quickly relaxes, giving Craig a pause. “Keep going. Please.” He lightly kisses my cheek and I feel his fingers begin to move inside me again. I reach down to his engorged length and stroke him in unison with his fingers. His breathing becomes as jagged as mine and his heart drums on my chest. He presses his forehead to mine as we breathe each other’s lusting sounds. He brushes his finger against my spot and I sharply inhale his breath, leaving my mind reeling from the pleasure. I need more. His rhythmic fingers inside me are relaxing and undeniably maddening. I feel him so large and hard in my hand. I ache to give him what he wants. My hips rock in rhythm with his and sweat builds on his forehead pressed to mine.

“Do you have a condom?” I say breathlessly.

He sits up from me without stopping the movement of his fingers and nods.

“Grab it.”

He leans down and kisses me on the forehead before slowly sliding his fingers out. He walks into the bathroom and I resituate myself on the bed, unable to stop from touching myself. He walks back in with a condom and lube as I put my knees up. This is all I want now. He climbs between my legs and I lick my lips, watching him roll on the condom. Heat rushes through me and I pant with anticipation.

“Tweek, like we’ve talked about-“

“I know! I know!”

I don’t mean to sound angry or pushy but I know what he’s going to say. I don’t care. All I am is impatient and thirsting, I need this now.

Craig takes a deep breath out, “Okay then.”

His gaze averts down and he moves closer to me. I feel terrible for cutting him off but I’m too horny to care. My body is so full of aching. I need to feel him now. I lift my hips and Craig’s forehead creases as he pushes into me. He lets out a jagged breath as I moan loudly. I close my eyes and focus on the movements of his hips and the building pressure inside me. Everything feels right. Everything feels natural. His hips move faster into mine. I want this to last forever. I glance up at Craig, expecting his hungry stare I’ve become so used to. Instead, his eyes are looking away and his breathing is fast but silent. I feel bad but this just feels so fucking good.

‘No one wants you, Tweek.’ _What?_  
‘The way you look at Craig is fucking disgusting!’ _Please don’t say that!_  
‘I don’t how they were able to put up with you’ _I mean… you’re right._  
‘You should just kill yourself!’ _Stop it!_

An immense sadness swells in my throat and I try to take in a deep breath. _I want it to stop but I don’t know how!_ My whole body shakes with fear.

‘Kill yourself faggot!” _I don’t want to! But… maybe everyone will be better off..._  
‘You’re so naive! No wonder no one likes talking to you!’ _Please stop, just make it stop…_  
‘You’re just a sad pathetic little weakling!’ _I am weak… I’m… broken._

My eyes fill with tears but I can’t stop the pushing and pulling.

‘If you don’t stop crying I’ll leave you in the middle of the forest!’ _I’m not crying! Oh God, please don’t leave me here!_  
‘You were supposed to forget!’ _I did! I did forget I swear! Please don’t hurt me!_

My shoulders tremble and my throat closes. I bring my hands up to my face to stop the tears from flowing. But I can’t stop it. I can’t stop anything! _Please let this not be happening!_

My body stills and I breathe in a hitched breath, the air is thick around me with a looming darkness holding my shoulders down. I can’t stop shaking and I can only exhale in uncontrollable sobs.

“Tweek!”

I can’t move my hands and something presses deeper onto my chest, making me gasp for air.

“Tweek!”

I can faintly make out my name being called through the sounds of my own sobs.

“Breathe.”

I try to take in a breath but the pressure on my chest suffocates me.

“Breathe, Tweek, just breathe.”

I take in a deep breath of air, my inhale hitches but I feel myself slowly exhaling. My hands continue to tremble as they lay over my watery eyes. 

“Everything is alright.”

Deep breath in. Slow exhale.

“You’re safe... I’m not going to leave you.”

Deep breath in. Slow exhale. The tight pressure on my chest begins to ease.

“You’re doing great, babe. Just keep breathing.”

Deep breath in. Slow exhale. Deep breath in. Slow exhale. I slide my arm off of my face and remind myself to breathe.

“Is it okay if I touch you?”

I can’t focus my eyes but when a gust of air fills my lungs again, I whisper, “Yes.”

Warmth covers my hand and a soft touch cradles my cheek, calming the hurricane in my head.

“You’re safe, sweetheart.” I hear him murmur in my ear.

My breathing settles but my eyes are too heavy to move. A light brush on my cheek encourages a slow breath out and soothes my beating heart. _Everything is okay now, I’m safe._

“Can you look at me?”

I turn my head away. I’d rather look at anything else. I am ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I don’t want to face what I’ve done.

“Babe, please just look at me.” I hear him pleading next to me.

I turn my head towards the distressed voice but keep my eyes down.

“Babe,” I hear his voice break, “please, just look at me.”

I draw my eyes up to Craig’s misty blue gaze. His parted lips tremble and breathe out pained gasps. His hand reaches up to stroke my cheek with the lightest of touch.

“I am so sorry.” He whispers.

I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I’ve inflicted so much hurt. I took his pleasure and gave him pain instead. I try to swallow the tears welling up behind my eyes but all I do is exhale a quiet sob.

“Please don’t cry.” He runs his hand through the hair on my forehead and kisses me softly on the temple. “Please don’t cry.”

I hold on to his shoulder and pull myself into his chest, hiding my face in the crook of his neck. His arm moves under me and wraps itself around my waist, holding me tight against him. He presses his lips to my head and exhales slowly in my hair. He holds me there until my shoulders stop shaking and my breathing calms.

“Did I hurt you?” He murmurs.

“No.”

“…Did I bring up any memories?”

“…You didn’t.” I whisper.

His muscles tense at the phrasing of my words. I run my hand down his arm and drape it over my waist.

“I am so sorry, Tweek.”

“Don’t be.” I whisper into his shoulder, “I’m the one who’s broken.”

His arms at my waist tightens, “You’re not broken, Tweek. You’ve gone through so much pain but all you give is compassion. You still believe in the good of people. Before I met you, I didn’t feel much of anything, but you showed me there was light in the world. You’ll never know how much better you make my life just for being in it. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met… I-“, he pauses, “…You’re perfect to me.”

His hand slides up my back and rests on my head. I bury myself deeper into his neck and press my lips against him. We lay intertwined, not speaking a word, merely finding comfort in each other’s arms. My ridged body has relaxed and is filled with a lightness only he can provide. He lies perfectly still but when I brush my lips against his throat I feel his warm pulse hum across my parted lips. He stirs softly underneath me and I draw myself in closer to him.

“Want to get under the covers?”

I nod my head into his chest and feel him pull down the silk sheets under us. He turns over onto his back and I rest my head on his beating heart. The soft flutter is music to my ears. His arm lies under me and his fingers brush lightly over the soft curve of my waist.

“Tweek?”

“Hmm?”

“…Would you be okay telling me what happened?”

My body freezes and his heart begins to race under my cheek. I turn my head and kiss his chest before laying my head back down.

“I don’t know what happened really… Everything was fine until these intrusive thoughts crept into my head. I can normally shut them out or dissociate… I don’t know why they became so intense. Every moment of fear and despair I’ve had washed over me and I couldn’t get their voices to stop. It was all so loud… I felt like I couldn’t control anything.” I let out a shaky breath and close my eyes, “I tried pushing away but I was too scared. I felt a heaviness dig into my chest. I gave up trying to fight it.” I lower my head down on his beating heart, “I’m so sorry that happened.” I whisper.

“Don’t be,” He kisses the top of my head and rests his cheek on my hair. “I just need to learn to read you better. I’ll pay more attention, I promise.”

_How did I get so lucky?_

“You're not mad?”

“Of course not, babe.”

I slide my hand across his torso and drape it lankly at his side. He shifts his body and holds me closer into him. We lay in our warm embrace until my tired eyes gently close.


	34. Chapter 34

My eyes drift open to the sound of muffled laughter below. I glance up at Craig still lying above me, his parted lips breathing softly with closed eyes. I put my head back down on his chest. _He never sleeps in._

I wake up again and a steady stream of light reflects upon the silken sheets. A feather light touch runs up and down my arm, sending chills down my spine. I peek up to a beautiful blue eyed boy with a small smile, looking out towards the illuminated window. I quietly crawl up to him and brush my lips against his jaw. He turns to me and melts his lips into mine. I raise my shaking hand to his cheek and take his tongue into my mouth. He runs his hands through my hair, shifting slightly into me. I press my body into his and draw my hand up to feel the curvature of his muscular shoulder in my hand. Our mouths continue to move together, a quiet moan escapes from him into me. _How did I get so lucky?_ His breathing deepens as he drags his hand down my neck. My cheeks flood with warmth and I fall into him. I trace my hand down his body and tease my fingers over his inner thigh. I feel his soft lips smile against my mouth. My kisses become more urgent as I move my hand to his already hard member. He moans deeply into my mouth as I wrap my fingers around his length. I softly bite his lip and relax my wrist, stroking him softly and slowly. I gently kiss the side of his mouth and feel his precum drip down my hand. I draw circles with wet fingers over the head and drag my hand down to the base. His lips part and he lets out a small gasp. I pull my hand back up and down his shaft and rub my thumb under the base of his head. His right hand grips the sheet above him and his back arches into my hand.

“Kiss me.” He murmurs with his eyes closed.

I smile and lean into him, brushing his lips against mine. He grabs my hair and presses himself further into me. He parts his lips with a light moan and my tongue darts inside, tasting his sweet mouth. His mouth moves aggressively and his body grinds in pulsing motions into my hand. I move my hand faster and press my body up on him, never breaking the rhythmic dance of our mouths. His breathing picks up and I suck in all the air he has. I feel his jagged breaths against my mouth and I kiss my way down to his neck. He moans loudly next to my ear and his warm cum drips down my hand. I continue slowly stroking him and planting kisses along his jawline. His breathing calms and I move my hand away, wiping my hand on the sheets. I relax my head on his shoulder and breathe in the sweet scent of cologne and sweat.

“Well good morning, sweetheart.” Craig looks down at me with a boyish grin.

“Good morning, babe.” My lips turn up into a soft smile. Becoming spellbound by his bright eyes. “Want to go downstairs?”

“Eventually,” He breathes out, “I need to calm down first.”

I lay my head back down on his chest as he runs his fingers and down my spine.

“We’re probably going to get laundry duty, Craig.”

“Fuck it.”

We lay together until our hearts to beat in unison. He starts to stir and I reluctantly drag myself out of bed. I throw on my pants and white shirt while Craig slides on his trousers and leaves his button up casually undone. _How did I get so lucky?_

I put my hands in my pocket and trace a small box within its lining.

“Oh hey, Craig?”

He turns to me with a puzzled expression and an adorable case of bedhead.

“Yeah?”

I sit back on the unmade bed and pull out the small gift. He joins me at my side and looks at the box in my hands.

“I’d almost forgotten but I got you something for your birthday.” I pass him the small box; it looks so tiny in his big hands.

“I’m not a very good gift giver so I won’t be upset if you don’t like it.”

He smiles kindly at me and unties the small ribbon. Taking the lid off the little brown box, his eyes soften. He pulls out a long necklace and holds it delicately in his hand. It has pine trees embossed in tungsten and is held up by a long thin rope. He traces the outline of the trees with his finger and stares at it lovingly.

“Turn it over…”

He flips the pendant over and the words “Home is Next to You” are engraved on the back. He grins brightly and leans over to me, taking my chin in his hand. He leads my lips to his and kisses me tenderly.

“I love it.” He whispers.

He stands up and drapes it around his neck. It suits him perfectly. He extends his hand out and I place my mine into his. He holds onto my hand and pulls me into another passionate kiss.

“Shall we go downstairs?” He whispers, pulling away from me.

I nod my head, unable to take my eyes off of him.

He holds my hand as we reach the bottom of the stairs. Among the rubble of the house, Stan, Clyde, Token, and Wendy all turn to us.

Clyde smiles widely, “Laundry! Laundry! Laundry!”

Craig chuckles and gazes down at me, “Worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you if you've made it this far!


	35. Chapter 35

“7 weeks left… then it’s finally over. It all went by so fast…”

Spring has arrived to South Park. The chill of winter has left and the warmth of spring has returned. The snow on the ground has all nearly melted, giving way to tall green grasses. Sparse leaves shown on the once grey trees are now spackled with pink buds. Vivid blossoms float in the breeze around us. The reminders of winter are now but a forethought - telling us the worst is over. A warm, gentle breeze sweeps through the trees and tousles my blond hair. I grip onto the warm chain of the swing and my eyes wander to Craig. He stares out into the distance with a soft smile, his eyes reflecting the color of the sky.

“Hmm. I can’t believe it’s almost over.” I say quietly.

“How long have we been together, Tweek?” I hear him say with a smile.

“Almost 8 months.”

“Feels like a lot longer.”

I nod my head in agreement and keep my eyes focused on him. The park is still and desolate, just like it was those many months ago, the day I realized I was falling for him. We sit on the swings next to each other hand in hand, the warm breeze pushing us lightly forward. Craig lets out a cloud of smoke and I take the smell of tobacco into my lungs. I have become accustom to Craig’s smoking. Its strong scent only makes me think of him. I have never seen him without the necklace I gave him for his birthday, he told me it reminds him of me. Something close to have by his heart. He flicks the cigarette into the wood chips below and smothers the ashes with the tip of his shoe. He stares out into the horizon with his brow furrowed and lips pulled down, gripping the chain tightly with his right hand. I can tell he wants to tell me something. I know him well enough by now. He closes his eyes and draws his head down.

“Tweek?”

“Yes?” I hold my breath and feel my hands start to shake.

He lifts his head up and stares emotionless in front of him. “A few months ago, I put in an application for Colorado State University in Ft. Collins. I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure I’d even get in.”

My stomach drops just by the look on his face.

“I did get in… to the space engineering program.” He turns his head to me and all the color drains from my face. “What do you think of Ft. Collins?”

“I-I think it’s a nice place, I’ve never been there though… It looks beautiful... But it’s pretty far from here.” I lower my head and feel his eyes bore into me.

“It is far from here… which is why I was hoping you’d want to move in with me.”

I snap my head to him and feel a warm tear fall down my cheek. He lifts his hand and delicately brushes it away, lingering there for a few moments more.

“You don’t have to of course. I know you have friends and family here and it’s a big com-“

“Yes! Yes, I do! I want to move in with you!” A wide smile spreads across my face and my heart begins to race.

He gazes at me with his cooked smile and lets out a light laugh. Grabbing the chains on his swing he twists around towards me. His feet stay firmly planted on the ground as he pulls me closer into him. He closes his eyes and turns his head to the side, capturing my lips with his. Our lips press together and move in synchrony with each other. _This is all I’ve ever wanted._ He releases me breathlessly and flicks his brilliant blue eyes up to me.

“We’re going to have to start looking at apartments then, babe.” He says with a smile.

I nod my head excitably and press my lips back into his.

We chat about budget and room size, decorating and job hunts until the street lights begin to flicker on.

“I should probably get going, Tweek.” He stands abruptly from the swing and offers his hand out to me. “I’ll walk you home.”

I grab his hand and interlace his fingers in mine. The evening is chilly but my cheeks are warm. The brilliant colors of the trees are still visible under the twilight sky. I walk with a little more spring in my step with visions of Ft. Collins dancing in my head. A flurry of cars pass by us but the rumble from their engines can’t over power the music in my ears. We reach my house and all I want to do is drag him up to my bedroom with me. I cup my hand on his cheek and smile softly up at him. His coal black hair, dazzling blue eyes that make my heart stop, full lips that fit mine so well. Tall, handsome, muscular, all mine. He leans down and takes my chin in his hands, brushing his lips lightly against mine before giving me a kiss filled with nothing but love. He pulls away and squeezes my hand before letting go. 

“Good night, sweetheart.” He says with a gentle smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I stare into his eyes and my whole body relaxes. I reach my arm up and brush the back of my hand on his cheek. I stand on my balls of my feet and wrap my arms around his neck. My eyes close and I rest my head on his shoulder. I breathe in his scent. I take in his warmth. Feel his pulse hum. Hear his calming breaths. I lift my lips, brushing tenderly against his soft neck. I take calm, even breaths in and out pressed into him. I want to stay in his arms forever.

“Sleep well, Craig.” I whisper.

I lower myself from him and trace my hand down his arm. He opens his mouth slightly, mouthing inaudible words. He stops then places his hand on my head with a small smile. He turns from me and begins walking towards his house, fading into the dusk.

I kick off my shoes at the door and walk in a dream up into my room. I pull out my laptop and begin looking at apartments. I send him quaint 1 bedrooms and comfortable lofts. I even send him pictures of one of those mini houses. That would just mean we’d be closer. _Perfect_. In my bliss and lack of coffee I rest my head down on the keyboard and drift off. Dreaming sweet dreams of Ft. Collins.

Pounding on the downstairs door jolts me awake. I open my hazy eyes and a sudden twisted feeling develops in my stomach. I run downstairs as the pounding continues, my heart drumming loudly throughout my body. I throw up the door and Clyde looms in the threshold, his eyes wide and hands running through his hair. His frantic tear stained face looks me right in eyes.

“We gotta go.”

I grab my boots next to the door and run into his car. He says nothing as he speeds down the road, driving the way Craig used to.

“Where are we going?” I know where we are going. I can just feel it. But I need to know for sure.

“Hell’s Pass.”

My heart sinks and stomach begins to churn. That’s all I want to know. I don’t want to know anymore… Token must have sprained his ankle. That’s it. That has to be it.

He parks near the entrance of the ER and runs through the door. I chase after him, looking for Craig in the waiting room as we fly by. Clyde pushes himself up on the nurses’ station, “Tucker, Craig Tucker.”

The whole world turns into a blur. My ears start ringing loudly, drowning out all other sounds. Clyde motions for me to follow him and I stumble down the corridor of white doors. He stops before an open door and covers his mouth with his hand. _No. No._ His shoulders begin to shake and his eyes shut closed. _No. No. No._ I turn into the room with the name “Tucker” stuck to the wall. My knees shake and I raise my eyes up to the bed. My head spins and my legs give out as the world crumbles around me. My hands hit the floor. I can’t hear the sounds of my own gut wrenching sob tearing through my chest. My ears won’t stop ringing and my stomach heaves as bile reaches my throat. Pain flows out of my every pore. A curdling scream bleeds through my mouth but I can hear nothing. I can’t stand. I can’t speak. My body shakes violently and head pounds. _This isn’t happening!_ A big hand rests its self on my shoulder. I want to look up and see Craig next to me. The only person who could save me from this despair. I pray he is the one comforting me, reminding me to breathe. But I know it’s not him. It’s not Craig. Craig is lying on the bed in front of me, unrecognizable. My mouth opens to scream. It’s all I can think to do. Tears of pain stream from my eyes and drench my hands below me, soaking them in warm salty water. I take in a jagged shaking breath only to exhale a flood of sobs. My arms can no longer support me. I crash onto the floor. I’ve ran out of energy. My whole body is spent. I can no longer scream. My heart is strained, it has left me entirely. All I can do is sob shamelessly onto the cold hard floor. Soon, the tears stop flowing. My body stops shaking. My heavy eyes close. Darkness swallows me.


	36. Chapter 36

I wake up in my own bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that yesterday was just a nightmare born out of my greatest fear. But the unbearable heaviness in my chest confirms its reality. I am still wearing the tear stained clothes I was yesterday, crumpled and damp. My feet drag along the worn carpet downstairs to my puffy eyed parents. My mom scoops me up into a tight rocking hug. My arms don’t have the strength to reach up to her. She mouths words I can’t hear. She gives me a pained look I am unable to return.

She pulls away from me with her hands covering her mouth.

I can do nothing but stare forward. “Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

The trees, the cars, the flowers, are all variations of grey. All color has left the world. I walk into the ICU with my eyes glazed over.

“Craig Tucker.” I whisper walking past the nurses’ station.

I wander into the sterile white room and pull one of the white plastic chairs next to his small hospital bed. All I hear is a hiss from a ventilator and a static beeping from a nearby monitor. I can’t look at him. I lower my head and stare at a crack on one of the floor tiles. My mind is blank. My soul has left my body. There’s a faint sound of footsteps approaching then a scraping of plastic against the tile floor. The sights and sounds are all foreign, detached from reality.

“When will he wake up?” I whisper into the air.

“They don’t know.” Clyde’s voice replies. “He may never wake up… if he does, he may not remember anything or end up being a completely different person.”

“…What happened?” I whisper, a tear escapes from the corner of my eye.

Heaviness sets over the room and the air becomes stale.

“His dad saw you two last night.”

More silent tears roll slowly down my cheeks.

“Do you want me to tell you his diagnosis?”

“No. But do it anyways.” I say softly to the floor.

A long silence follows before I hear Token’s quiet voice.

“He broke his clavicle, wrist, and has a compound fracture on his left arm… He broke six ribs. One punctured his lung. He has 3 lacerations on his face and one on his chest. His larynx was crushed… Once the ambulance arrived he went into sudden cardiac arrest twice and had to be resuscitated. They diagnosed him with a severe brain hematoma once he got here...” Token pauses and exhales deeply, “It’s a miracle he didn’t die before the ambulance reached him.”

I try to suck in air but all I hear are my own gasps. Warm tears stream down my face but I don’t have the energy to sob. My eyes move to his hand, if only just to touch him. A maze of tubs and wires run up from his wrist to shoulder. I can’t look at his face. I draw my eyes back down to the bracelet around his wrist. ‘Tucker, Craig’.

I let out a shaky breath and gently grab the sheet on his bed. I sit there in silence. Nothing more needed to be said. I didn’t want to hear anything else. I run my fingers through the sheet, feeling the texture, rough and worn, everything white. I don’t look at the clock. I just keep my eyes focused on the sheet between my fingers. I hear chairs scraping across the floor periodically through the day. Never paying any of them any attention. My eyes have dried. I’ve spent all my tears. My mouth is parched but I don’t have the will to move. I just sit here, feeling the sheets between my fingertips.

“Visiting hours end in 15 min, sir.”

I hear them leave but don’t move my head.

A hand touches my shoulder, “It’s time to go, son.”

I release the crumpled sheet from my hand and walk with my dad out of the hospital.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

“It’s been 5 days sweetie, please eat something.” My mom pleads with sad eyes.

“Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

My mom purses her lips and grabs her keys from off of the counter.

She drops me off in front of the ICU and I make my way through the familiar doors up to his room.

“Craig Tucker.” I whisper walking by the nurses’ station. They all know me now. Maybe I just like saying his name. It’s a beautiful name.

My white plastic chair is right where I left it. He is starting to look better. The black and blue bruises that covered his body have turned to shades of lilac and yellow. His chest and head are still wrapped and the cast on his arm lingers, still and unmoving. The stiches running down his lip, eye brow, and neck remain but they don’t scare me like they used to. The swelling on his right hand has gone down, allowing me to slide my fingers into his while not disturbing the mess of tubes and wires keeping him alive. I try to avoid looking at the tube inserted in his neck but the hiss of the ventilator reminds me of its existence. I wrap my fingers into his and rest my cheek on the cold railing. My stomach is in constant pain and my lips are dry and cracked. The only energy I have is reserved for walking in at 6am and leaving at 11pm. The cold rail on my cheek keeps me from crying. I’m so tired. My heavy eyes close and the darkness I’ve gotten to know so well welcomes me back.

“It’s time to go home, sweetie.”

“It isn’t 11 yet.” I mumble.

“Yes, it is.”

I bring my throbbing head up to the clock on the wall before easing it back down onto the railing.

"I’ve got 5 more minutes.”

“I made you a little food at home, mashed potatoes and cauliflower.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I know. But you still need to eat something. Please, honey. Craig wouldn’t like seeing you like this.”

“I don’t like seeing him like this!” I snap.

A silence fills the room. I spend the last 5 minutes I have with him.

“Honey, let’s go.”

My whole body aches as I try to stand. I reluctantly unlace my fingers from his and follow my mom out of the hospital. She’s right. I should eat something. Craig really would be upset seeing me like this.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

“You’re going to have to go back to school, son.”

“I can’t.”

“It’s been 2 weeks.”

I look my dad straight in the eye and clench my jaw, “Take me. To Hell’s Pass.”

“I’m sorry Tweek. I’ll take you after school.”

I stare him down, as if I’m going to somehow change his mind.

“After school, Tweek.”

“…Fine.”

I hate school. I hate this place. I hate my teachers. I hate everyone around me. I don’t answer any questions in class. I don’t do any homework. I don’t bring my books. I don’t say anything at all. I’m an empty shell.

After school I go to Hell’s Pass, get taken home at 11. Go to school in the morning, Hell’s Pass in the evening. School, Hospital, School, Hospital, School, Hospital.

After 3 weeks, Clyde and Token stopped visiting. The cast on his arm finally gets taken off. I know he is healing. One day he will wake up. The stitches get removed as well. His new scars are bright red and jagged but at least he is starting to look like himself again. The wrapping on his head is gone too. It takes so much self-control to not run my fingers through his silky hair. I can now hold his hand and rest my head on the bed. This is the only place I can sleep comfortably. I have my favorite picture of him on his night stand and Jen from the farmer’s market stops by every week and brings in fresh cut flowers. There is no place I’d rather be.

“He loves you, you know?”

I lazily draw my head up from the bed and gaze to where the voice is coming from.

Tricia stands like a doll in the doorway. Her aunt and uncle outside.

“He told me so.”

“Tricia?” I mumble.

She walks over the nightstand and places a card delicately next to the flowers.

“Craig isn’t good at expressing what he’s feeling, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

She takes a few steps back and looks at her brother with a blank stare.

“He told me you make him the happiest he’s ever been. That you make him want to be a better person.”

I stare at Tricia. Her eyes still transfixed on Craig.

“He told me he loves you, but didn’t know if you felt the same… You’re all he talks about.”

I glace back at Craig, letting a lone tear escape. “I do love him… more than anything.”

“Mhhm.” Tricia turns and walks towards the door, “You should tell him that when he wakes up.”

I watch Tricia as she fades away. Leaving me with an aching heart and a stomach filled with regret. I turn back to Craig and wrap my fingers in his. With a lump in my throat, I lay my head down on the bed, and fall back asleep.


	37. Chapter 37

“Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

“Tweek, sweetie. Come sit next to me.”

I stand firm with my feet planted on the ground, “Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

“It will only take a minute.” My mom smiles sadly and pats her hand on the seat next to her.

I drag myself to the chair and stare at the wall with dead eyes.

“It’s been almost 2 months, honey. You need to start thinking about the possibility of him not waking up.”

“He will.”

“It’s been-“

“He said he wasn’t going to leave me… He promised.” I stare firmly into her eyes with my jaw clenched.

Her watery eyes drift down, “Just… think about it.”

“Take me to Hell’s Pass.”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The pulsating hum of the ventilator, a steady beep of the monitor, these sounds have begun to relax me. My chair never moves and I take my seat next to him. His wrapping on his arm has been removed, allowing me to run my fingers up and down his beautiful scar. I can look past the tube in his neck and just see the person I love. He doesn’t look like he is in pain anymore, just sleeping peacefully. I take his hand and rest my head down, eager to join him in his sleep.

A ray of bright summer sun filters through the opaque curtain and gleams on my closed eyes. I blink the darkness away and raise my weary head. _I never wake up in the middle of the day._ The room looks exactly the way it always does, everything white, everything sterile. The bustle of nurses running back and forth in the hallway. The empty chairs unmoving on the other side of the room. The faint smell of bleach in the air. I turn away and lay my head down again. My eyes steadily close into a dream then very light pressure brushes against my finger. I snap my head up as my breath catches in my throat. I gaze down to see his fingers slowly trying to wrap themselves into mine. My heart pounds feverishly in my chest and I flick my eyes to his. His eyes begin to flutter open and stare glassy eyed at the ceiling. 

“Nurse!” My voice cracks, “Nurse!”

A woman in white sweeps into the room.

“I think he’s waking up!”

I match his light grip in my hand as a flurry of nurses fly into the room. I get swept to the side as tears stream down my face onto the hand covering my mouth. They surround his bed and turn knobs and fiddle with the bags hanging overhead. One nurse slowly injects something into his arm and I watch as his eyes close and fingers relax. 

“What happened?! He was just awake!” I cry.

The nurses make their way out of the room while one lingers, carefully adjusting the tube running down his throat. 

“He’s going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up,” She stands up straight and turns towards the door, “Let us know when he’s up again.”

I gaze back down at Craig and start shaking, letting out a gasping sigh as I run my fingers through my hair. I fall back down into my chair and smile through the tears rolling down my face.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“He’s been asleep for six hours now. Hasn’t he slept enough?” Clyde rocks back in his chair and starts tapping his knee.

“He’s going to be like this for a while, dude.” Token says, leaning against the wall.

“You guys can go ahead and get some food, I’ll wait here.” I say with a soft smile.

“Want us to get you anything?”

“Just coffee, please.”

Clyde nods his head then takes one look back at Craig before leaving with Token at his side.

The tube in his neck has been removed, a small piece of gauze covering what once was - just a clear oxygen tube under his nose to help him breathe on his own. I keep my hand intertwined with his and I stare deeply at him, watching for the slightest movement. My head feels heavy but I don’t want to look away. I rest my head on the railing and wait for another spark of life. I close my eyes and think back on the last night we had together, my smile, his optimism, our joy. I open my eyes again with a smile playing on my lips. A feather light touch on my hand sends a flood of warmth through my entire body. I follow my eyes up the maze of tubs, to the scar on his shoulder, and finally to his brilliant blue eyes staring back at me.

“Craig?” I whisper as my eyes well up.

He blinks slowly and the corner of his lip turns up slightly. I take his hand in both of mine and bathe in the sublime warmth he’s given me. My words whirl around in my head but refuse to make it to my lips. I stare into his eyes and I know he remembers me. I can just feel it.

“Hey! He’s awake!” Clyde shouts.

Clyde and Token set down their food and rush to my side.

“Hey buddy we’ve missed you!”

Craig blinks slowly but his eyes still shine like the sapphire sky into mine. His lips gently part but no words come out. His brows pull together and his grip around my hand tightens. He opens his mouth again, exhaling a sharp breath of air. The monitor’s rapid beeping begins to deafen my ears as a tear escapes from the corner of his eye.

“Token, get the nurse.” I say sadly.

Token hurries out of the room and Clyde takes a few steps back.

“What’s happening?”

“He’s in pain.” I instinctively bring my hand up to his face, hovering it just inches from his cheek. I want to touch him so badly, to hold him, to kiss him, to take his pain away.

His eyes slowly close and his face relaxes next to my hand. Footsteps approach behind me and pull me to the side, injecting more medication into his IV. His heart rate drops, and just as fast as he woke up, he’s back asleep. I stand over him, praying to see him open his eyes again, terrified they never will. 

“Tweek? Coffee?”

I lower myself back down in my chair and choke back a sob. My glossy eyes never moving from the fragile boy in front of me. I put my right hand out to Clyde and take a sip of coffee. 

I need to stay awake for him.

Token and Clyde leave shortly after. Tricia stops by too - flanked by her aunt and uncle. She doesn’t stay long either. I’m awake the entire day. Just waiting to see him again.

“Tweek, it’s time to go home.”

“No.”

“Visiting hours are almost over.”

“No. Go home.”

“What are you going to do? Walk home?”

“If I have to.”

“Tweek-“

“Please just leave.”

There is a long pause before the sound of footsteps fade into the distance. His skin is so soft. I brush the top of my thumb over his hand, accustom to the tubes running up his arm.

“Visiting hours are over, sir”

“Please let me stay here, just this once.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“Please,” my voice cracks, “just this once.”

“Sir-“

“Please,” tears begin to roll down my face, “I’ll do anything.”

“…Let me talk to my supervisor.”

I need to be here when he wakes up again. I need to see him come alive. I lean my head down and gently press my lips to his hand. The warm tears on my lips glisten on his hand.

“Okay, sir. Just this one time.”

I stare at Craig as he lays motionless, “Thank you.” I whisper.

The room dims, the only source of light is the illuminated green monitor beside me. I rest my head on his bed, still brushing his hand with my thumb. Just one more time. I need to see him just one more time. The dim, warm room calms my mind and drowsiness sets in.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Tweek.” 

I hear a whisper in my dream. A tightness in my hand.

“Tweek.”

My eyes flutter open in confusion. I feel my hand move again.

“Tweek.” A soft murmur echoes in the room

I gaze up to a pair of ocean blue eyes bringing me back to life.

“Craig?” I shoot up in my chair and feel my heart beating in my ears.

“Craig!” His lip turns up in a soft smile and I see his chest gently rising and falling.

“Craig,” My voice breaks and tears fall down my cheeks, “I thought you left me.” My tears turn into the sobs I’ve been trying to hold back for so long. He gazes at me and makes a low humming noise.

“Can I touch you?” I say through wet eyes.

He blinks his eyes slowly and I raise my shaking hand to his cheek. It takes every ounce of strength I have to keep my hand steady as I reach to him between broken sobs. A wave of warmth flows through me, his face calm in my hand. He opens his mouth again and whispers my name. I have never heard anything so beautiful in my life. He looks me in the eyes with a pleading need. His lips move but all comes out are soft breaths. He takes a few shallow breaths and squeezes my hand, grimacing. I quickly draw my hand from his face and press the call button.

“I’m sorry Craig, someone will be here soon.”

His eyes well up with tears and his fingers reach out for my hand.

I hardly hear the nurse approach and push me to the side. She moves swiftly and injects medications into his IV without a word. Slipping out of the room as soon as she was done.

I sit back in my chair and watch his eyes slowly close. His grip on my hand loosens. His mouth moves again but no words come out. His heart rate decreases. His blood pressure slowly drops. Then I hear a faint whisper.

“I love you.”


	38. Chapter 38

The next few days he sleeps more and becomes less responsive. They tell me it’s normal. The new pain control regimen they have him on allows us more time alone together without the fuss of nurses intruding every hour. The last break of the year lets me spend more time in the hospital with him. I just hold his hand and rest my head on his bed. I haven’t heard him speak in 5 days. Token and Clyde come by every day now, bringing me coffee and uplifting news. My parents even stop by every once in a while too, after all, they adore Craig. People I’ve never even seen swing by, telling me stories of how they met him. I try to be awake for all of their visits. Every once in a while, I feel him try to wrap his fingers in mine only to relax a few moments later, each time makes my heart flutter.

The Sunday before school arrives sooner than I wanted it to. My parents come to get me at 11pm to drag me away from his room. My stomach drops every time I have to leave him. I don’t want to go back to school. I just want to be by his side, to hear his voice, feel his touch, and fall into his brilliant blue eyes.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I’m failing all my classes. I don’t care. Finals are next week but I’ve given up. My teachers have given up. Administration has given up. Lunch has become livelier than it used to be, but the empty seat in front of me still stings. I walk through the halls in a daze. School is merely an obstacle preventing me from being with Craig.

“How was school, sweetie?”

“Just take me to Hell’s Pass.”

“Of course, sweetie.”

I stroll into the building and give Nurse Julie a small wave. I make my way down the hall to my favorite place and glance up to the sign “Tucker” posed to the wall. Even seeing his name makes my heart jump. The sun breaking through the window gives off a soft glow into his silent room. His head is turned to my chair and I watch his chest move ever so slightly under the thin white sheet covering him. I drop my bag by his bed and take my place at his side. His eyes are closed and his shallow breathing is calm and steady, he looks so peaceful. I glance down to his hand and can already see his hand in mine. I rest my head on the railing and reach out to him. My fingertips graze across the softness of his skin and delicately interlace themselves into the warmth of his hand. Just as my thumb begins to trace across his ivory skin I feel his fingers wrap around mine with a strength I haven’t felt in months.

“Craig?” I lift my head up from the railing at stare at him with parted lips.

His eyes flicker open, “Mhmm?”

“I haven’t seen you in so long!”

He pauses and takes a few labored breaths, “I’m here.” He murmurs.

My face softens into a weary smile and a lump forms in my throat, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

“Hmm?”

My mouth dries as tears form behind my eyes, “I love you too.” I see him lying in front of me, his captivating eyes gazing straight into my soul. “I love you, with every beat of my heart, with every breath I take. You're all I think about, you're all I see when I close my eyes!” My voice cracks and the tears begin to stream down my face. “When I thought you were gone, nothing made sense, nothing had purpose anymore! It was like the world stopped turning and all the stars had fallen from the sky. I need you here with me! I don’t want to exist without you! I’ve never been more afraid of losing some one, nothing in my life has meant so much to me as you do. You brought color into my world, Craig! You changed everything! You make me feel happy and safe, an-and … loved. You showed me that I was worth something, like there was a reason I was here! I want to spend every day with you. I want to fall into your arms, get lost in your eyes, feel your skin pressed against mine. I want to cherish you for the rest of my life. I will always love you with every piece of me.” My lips tremble and my voice hitches, “Please promise you won’t leave me again.”

“…Can you kiss me?” He whispers with a small smile.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I say quietly.

“I don’t care.” He murmurs.

I delicately place my hand on his warm cheek, gazing down at the one I love, so compassionate and selfless. His soft blue eyes slowly close. My chin stops shaking as I lean into him. My lips brush against his, his divine aroma casting me under its heavenly spell. As our lips meet, a tear slides off my lashes and rolls down his cheek. His kiss is light and filled with the love we both feel for each other. I’ve kissed him hundreds of times but in this moment, I can taste every ounce of love, fear, and pain he’s ever felt melt away into me. Never have I been so enveloped in a kiss before. I map the curves of his mouth and realize how lost I was. My hand resting on his cheek stays calm and still, our mouths move together in an eternal dance. I’ve been waiting for this kiss my entire life. If I’d never met him, my life would have never been complete.

I pull back, keeping my hand on his cheek. His eyes slowly open and I gaze back at him. He looks up at me with tired eyes.

“You’re…the best…” His breathing becomes shallow.

“…thing…” His voice becomes quiet and strained.

“…that’s ever…” The grip on my hand loosens.

“…happened…” His eyes drift closed.

“…to me…”

I stand above him with tears in my eyes. I take my hand off his cheek and my weak knees give out, collapsing back on the chair. I bring my shaking hands up to my eyes and begin to sob.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“It’s just good to see you up, man”

Craig smiles softly and nods his head at Token.

“Will you ever be able to sing again?”

“That’s a stupid question, Clyde.” Token rolls his eyes and gives Clyde a half smile.

“I just want to be able to walk again.” Craig says breathlessly. “I want to walk for graduation.”

The room falls silent and Clyde shifts awkwardly in his chair. I lower my head and struggle to find the right words to say.

“Umm,” Token looks at Craig with sadness in his eyes, “graduation already passed.”

I glace up at Craig. He shakes his head and his brows pull together into a puzzled expression.

“How long do you think you’ve been in here for?” Clyde asks softly.

Craig's eyes dart to Clyde then to the corner of the room.

“I-I don’t know…” He pauses and lets out a small breath, “3 weeks?” Craig looks up at me with wide eyes.

My heart aches as I stare back at him. “3 months.” I whisper.

Silence blankets the room and everyone looks down. Craig’s eyes fill with tears and he turns away from Clyde and Token.

“Well… we’ll come back tomorrow Craig.” Token’s eyes stay fixed to the floor and they both exit the room without another word.

“3 months…” Craig whispers.

“I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what to say. I wish I could turn back time. Prevent this all from happening.

Craig keeps his eyes glued to the corner of the room. “How often have you been coming here, Tweek?”

“Every day.” I whisper.

He gently grips the sheet and closes his eyes. His breathing picks up and shallow voice hitches. “3 months.” He whispers again.

My eyes well up with tears, “Please don’t cry. They’ll come in here and give you medication until you fall asleep again.”

“I’ve been sleeping too much already.” He relaxes his hand and tries to take in a deep breath. 

I purse my lips and look down at the tile floor.

“They said… you might have memory loss when you woke up… you remember people but… do you remember any details?”

I flick my eyes up; suddenly scared I might have upset him.

“No.” He says in a quiet voice, “I remember. I remember everything. I remember asking you to move with me to Ft. Collins… the birthday party and your gift… spending afternoons in the music room with you… your mom walking in on us the morning we had sex for the first time… and of course, I remember the amazing sex… I remember telling off Red… you meeting my sister… I remember bringing you to my favorite spot- where I realized I was in love with you… your panic attack… and your secret that broke my heart… I remember spending Christmas with you, and how much of a jerk I was…your piano ballad… and meeting your parents – under better circumstances, as you said… I remember telling you how I got that scar on my arm… cooking lunch with you-and the adorable way you cut celery… having you watch our band practice for the first time… the camping trip… the party where we first kissed… our early morning walk… and… I remember pulling your body out of the street… where this all began.” He leans his head back and closes his eyes. “You came here, everyday… for 3 months?”

With a soft smile I step towards Craig and wrap my fingers in his, “I just figured it would be a scary thing to wake up alone in a hospital.”


	39. Epilouge

After spending 16 weeks in the hospital, Craig was finally discharged. Token’s family was nice enough to let us stay in their house until Craig was well enough to be on his own again. Being bedridden for so long his muscles had atrophied. A physical therapist visited 5 times a week to work with him. We soon discovered that he had forgotten how to walk. He had forgotten most of his motor skills entirely. Seeing him struggle everyday was hard on both of us, more him than me. At least I was able to spend my nights next to him, feeling him alive, wrapped in his arms. My days were spent caring for him in every way necessary. The Blacks installed railing around the room and bathroom. As helpful as they were, there were still times I would hear him fall. Each time broke my heart. After 3 months of physical therapy he was finally able to walk on his own again. He still had problems with balance though. He always will. During those 3 months in the mansion, he was able to get his diploma and graduate with honors. His mind was as sharp as ever. The university allowed him to enroll in the next fall semester. So we moved to Ft. Collins together, leaving the joy and pain of South Park behind us. With his dad in prison, we were able to both collect hefty restitutions and move into a spacious 1 bedroom apartment near the school. Craig convinced me to enroll in an online community college to get my GED. I was lucky to have a very cute tutor to help me. Craig was able to find a speech therapist in Ft. Collins too. They helped him to breath normally again but his voice will always be hushed. With Craig’s endless determination he was able to teach himself how to play guitar again. He’ll never be able to sing, but I love leaning up against him and listening to him hum. He truly is the most talented person I’ve ever met. Everywhere we went our interlaced fingers kept him steady and kept me warm. I need him as much as he needs me. I always believed the world was scary and cold, but Craig’s eternal compassion and enveloping warmth never fails to bring me back to reality. His eyes take my breath away, his smile brightens my world, and his touch calms my heart. I don’t know what the future holds, but one thing I know to be true: I love him, and I will never leave him. I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I was hesitant to upload on here but my friend (who drew the artwork) encouraged me to do so. Reading all the comments and seeing all the kudos made everything worth while. I truly appreciate everyone who stayed until the end. Thank you all so much!


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